The act is done.
Way before dawn.
Even if one of a few.
And it's a few i need.
But not for me.
So, all i know is there are thousands, in fact hundreds of thousands, just like me - even me! five years ago thinking.....knowing! even if from late 2009 to spring 2013 over two minus twenty winters - the first so cold that it caught me on the hop even if i had a rather good excuse, rather enedtimes distracted, the old "farmers car" as they call the Peugeot 205 diesel - as bulletproof as they come, froze as i hadnt the cash to top up the antifreeze... and two months later when the permafrost unfrosted... the ferker started first turn of the key.
Even if other 'issues' made it no longer MOT viable...
Anyway even me five years ago fearing and a few nights bad stressin'...
Knowing, even if three earlier years went...well....
knowing: there's just no way i will even tolerate having to live in a tincanvan car or the like... gentrification or rather thievery
and skips of tenants' furniture funerary
pyres, all just the fires still inside her sad little Hemel Hempstead, frippery
cos she wasn't one of the girls that got the attention, you get if fully flouncey
So she comes and takes it out on all of Western Herefordshire - the 'most deprived' region of the Southerners regions...
Even if i was the ONLY one who never ever ever reacted in any way to her
thievery and weird ...infact even if a word i never use as one of their silly words that merely clouds time immemorial actions of the sad little footstamperatti
she is 'gaslight'
and loved to spill her aromatic oils over into a nicely preprepared bonfire ready to make it clear who is
'boss' even if the 5 grand personalised numberplate made that clear before she ever alighted
BUt only one person NEVER ever reacted to her ...ever...
other than as only Rachel Kushner second-sightedly knew,
you just wait..... and at some point down the line their sad little acts; in their mind great big bullygirl, oppressions..
well you peek a little sweet smelling glade through the fires of their tormented souls
(in her case claiming even her Hemmel Hampstead 1980s Snickers against VAT - i know as she left behind her accounts in s a skip did Skippy...... she probably got caught out with her knickers down and bossed around for legal reasons ... "tut tut tut, we won't prosecute THIS time but you're on notice!" and spends the rest of her life seeking revenge and as so many did from the mid 2000s - thats the one real pattern i saw, if you were a small cheese - one of those pathetic little plastic triangles of the stuff, relocate somewhere - especially The MArches, where there is no 'community' nor friendship (audio soon) to call out the fact that if you are now pretending you are a big fat cheese rolling down the hill and squashing all resistance with your not very cheesy actual tyranny that hurts real small people, then you end up the fattest fishie in a small pond... some people, not me, call that 'bullying' even if everyone else called her one of themtoo.... but nobody ever managed to use 'event's Kushneresque ... such as i had the world record arrears
of spinning an eviction out, one and a half years!!
(i mean this woman had a troupe of 'heavies'
that kind always do)
upon knowing i shall no way be able to survive the winter (2021)
for a week
as maybe hundreds of thousands have in the back of their mind
as i write this and as i have written the rest over three years
But every second has been not only purposeful
but now i Kushner-live, fabulously useful!
And as the most self contained person ever from the age of 12ish
-orphans are, especially when they have to hide their orphan credentials
I needed nothing. Never do.
But i knew
there's no way i am going to almost a lifetime later
wish every second could be lived again as so thrillingly actual 'mindful'
of stuff that's more than invaluable
Anyway there was one more word left to ponder, even if one i needed to forget
As its The Southerner way of merely gettin' their 'dopamine' hit
Even if they dress it up as something far more, 'elemental'ly
fundamental.
And my always at 0533 mind in peek new condition thisters
It came back nasty word
The number one that a perraps successful Sov
or even first rate Bolshie
would have wiped out permanently
for the COMMON GOOD: 'ceremony'
Later