define HOPE unless youre a Christian deathcultist or 'spiritual'

 i should have....

But won't ever develop the sanity, so as to....

Anyway all these fake nooks like Wintering etc....

(there seem to be more than ever coming through now i was a bookseller 5 years i do know how books work in the UK...merely by hype!)

None will give a soiple equation: money from off or a L'Oreal pension pot or drug dealer bestie... well then they prefer to hire in the swish teams of van men from towns as they the landowner (and this one saw in past region all the time) despite every other word "we love our new  Titley/ Presteigne etc etc community.."

 dont have anyone like me local woodchopper or just friendly chatter over their gate...  to see inside their psycho little castle of psychodrama or whatever they are scared of showing so teams from off at 20 or more quid an hr as they have to travel over they like...

its extraordinary even in 2020 and 21 in times of were all innit together....nope...

so be it YUK the gated communities in so many metaphorical ways

BUT a person with a local wage or landholding well they rightly need to make deals:

"ok.... i come and do a three day block....you can only afford £150 so i will stop by the laundrette on the way as its nearer you than me... spend a few hours of the day on my stuff including use the gate to air some of my laundry ....do 5 hrs of your stuff and three hours of my stuff whilst at your desrted property... and charge you UNDER the minimum wage for that 5hrs on your stuff, only,  as i LIKE this space....and the job fills me with pride... shall we shake on that then ?"

its just astonishing how by pen and paper even.... as if it doesnt exist as if its pixi dust the written up deal... when you write it down for them....

right i have to find the sequence and all i care about is recording for my lost next generation that as i say the job is a dance...

and the clientelle so boring (endless references to mental health the ultimate excuse they all have for all gibbing edited out.... )

you have to make it fun somehow...

soon

the first twpo thje year before really are an opera mixed with Divine Comedy i do hope my mean readers may find some enjoyment - as i said to the seemingly near perfect woman today merely somehow to get the message over but with some laughs...

some engaging reality

five years ago i realised NO hope for my generation at all ever so its only about getting to the ... mums and dads of the next ...

All agree with me but nobody ever ever helps

and "hope" i have a superb longform real interview with the problem.... at Hay festival 3 years ago

" ohh but we must give them HOPE my dear ...[ London smartarse worthy journo type Cheltenham LAdy with friends in Horrorfordhsire of course to be near to 'Peters Little thing'..].... "

" god how THICK are you..... if we show and explain toyour kids just how truly insane mad and failed at environmental protection our whole generation have been - how we have broken every ruke we all knew of for 40 years ago  never mind less is more even the rich old arfistos knew...more is just vulgar....

" and i have 20 years of stuff that shows exactly that..everty so called Green group mad terrorist con organisation merely set up to terrorise each OTHER if one doesnt have the same kind of yoga mat or attitude to humour or ... or of course nowadays, 'sexuality,......always....we could not have been more backstabbing fake and mad had we tried and thats without including even the top Green Goddesses like Lucas and the other one even faker....  if they see or hear or read that TRUTH they may figure ' ohh theres hope then....surely we cant fuck it up quite so badly as... our parents gen...' thats what hope IS you stupid woman..." the nice version of course in superb intellectual language as befitting a posh powerful Jane Austen fangirl old prune, type  of interlocutor in the sun eating strawberries of course by Hay Castle

for her selfie

smiley-fakes (she's not even worth her dad's ok fancy word being popularised)

now...i do like to study and look for the RAREST creature a fine man witha  backbone and a mind worth holding high upon it

(there is audio starts before the film i like chronicles but my they tale more time than i will have i guess....to fully recbuild)

well it's not surprising that not one of many parents i have spoken with in two years of their parthetic pasty diet actually can manage to think what they may attempt to tell their kids about the real harmful drugs when half of them suck on plastic all day...

righty ho now all i care about is five jobs i have done in 2 years as parable... well 8 or 9  if you count the several who sneaked under my sanity radar  and my my they begged for help  with truly important cresses at home..

All truly as Monty Python as Fawlty Towerrs....sad thing is its real and why she lost her land too.... herself. 

I wouldnt show someone un less they really did the BIG gib somewhere down the line...just a few days on after the drugaddled best mate turns up too... girlfriend or not drugs really do mess up decent working relationships...

But it is why? they do it thats so fascinating  - self destruct as that's what it is the lonely smiley-fake turns thief by breach of many an hour discussed contract..? even the once farm girl....

....and theres a clue here...maybe methinks so often seen.... (by definition they aren't too methodical, or wouldnt need to hire in help.udually just to sort the rusting discarded tools out first...clean the shed theyve let become rotten waste dump....(this one) .. and when faced with a job which MUST be done methodically or it will cost em twice as much time is money...it makes them realise what a mess sadly they are....despite all their 'work be it therapy or ENDLESS 'friends' who of course so maturely sort them out...rather than use them for drug money or other such favours...

Anyway a messy part 1 of 100s many of which have an old geezer  whacking in posts better than any 25 year old could...

and there are reasons...

some of which are in here

 https://www.simonclayton2020.com/2025/12/inspired.html

https://www.simonclayton2020.com/2025/11/now.html

https://www.simonclayton2020.com/2025/11/who-on-earth-are-you.html

https://substack.com/@ralphschism?

LOTS to do now must finish all new thought by 26 dec .. the gibbed dont get your Christmas and i wouldnt want it either....

just more fake smile

POST or in fact this will be a large whole massive section of all the same but some are SO funny i still laugh at the little girl antics of quite a few rather ageing old women who one would have thought knew better or WERE better than the endless fraud...  endless

as i say...if in a couple if even seen with a maybe girlfriend one gets treated far more respectfully.....and every one down here for a few years i tell them until recently at least  i am a virgin,  very very spiritual, and reserved for someone else... even if i guess she too just poisoned fatally by all their poison 

 

Summary though proper one this time

 Now as i say.... lovely content! and in fact i am going to soon go back to my spring this one....  lots of walk and talk and lovely seascape stuff even if the simplest truth is most of the water is likely such a bubbling cauldron of nasty-bugs - and i drink it unboiled! I'm no wuss..  nor do i EVER comp-lain about any illness ever.

Living absolutely to the fullest deepest loveliest always happy simplified setting is truly only wonderful (as someone else seems to have also discovered even if sadly she  -as partner in crime - a mind of her own,  and REALLY sick to death of her (30 year employed by)  corrupt and basically barmy NHS, needed to wonderlust off around the world to find her ...something or other.. or just 'self'. None of my business but i know she had never read a load of jolly good books before i took her under my wing...

But this smiley fake stuff - the landowning mainly [f.]s... tent years..

It needs writing with nuance and also depth...

But I may even forget the truly dodgiest aspect (and i am only interested in such stories as i know full well they are vehicle to tell the true tale of this sceptic aisle where all the data says our children are 5 or 6 more times fucked up than any EU equivalent never mind the almost unheard of false allegations every UK teacher knows " ruined many peoples lives"  - i mean teachers never mind us ordinary civilians too. And thats before we dive into the real deep data of them slashing bits of their body very few EUs copycat or the pandemic of drugs - hard ones...ask a many year schoolteacher i met on my travels Mullion way - Hooray Henrietta paradise of yummies and bearded surfies...the ex Home Counties type.. more antique landrovers than stupid pieces of coloured plastic of the years long problems even her own young adult son had had with the ketamine as maybe 20% maybe even 30 or 40% of the kids around Southern Cornwall also experience...and not one of many parents i ever met have anything mature to say about it

Yes the weirdest thing that does need to be said and probably i forget: This morning once again i chat at length with one of the many many (disco version) toughwoman Christians... I estimate at least 50% of 30-60 year olds in the whole SW either are fairly fundamentalist Jesus freaks or the more common fundamentalist shmania infected 'spirituality' freaks...

BOth of which i thought were kindof about....morality....goodness...

As so often thistermorn " ehh if at least 75% of landowners screw you financially - booking a simple rural worker a few weeks ahead for work they say will be ongoing and then cancelling it just like that maybe theyve had a bad night on the vestel wine...drugs or maybe never had the cash they bragged of...  never mind a sizeable proportion who outright diddle you...surely thats proof your 'end times' came about 10 years ago as RURAL HONOUR is the only reason the land ever could 'work' and these churchy creeps had their lands and greedy hoarding churches in the first place...and if the basic rural day worker is fucked over surely this is aroof your nutcase religions and even ubiquitous spirituality...has rather failed.... can we have a new record on now please maybe about morality on this planet now rather than some afterlife im sure youve never earned either...""

the nice version obviously....but not one for years has ever really understood...

Maybe i live in a parrallel universe..

THE JOB from MAy is being uploaded...

the whole job now...

then a few more....

lots for here by close of play...

and even more by 26 December ten year anniversary of i walked out one midwinter morning...

with my diary ...

THE SOLUTION

 

Now.... joining dots time even if 15 years ago i knew which to join and how to...

But ten magnificent years of parables to weave a few fables into... out of bulletproof casings of hard metal.

And of course the tragic porn salesman made his millions selling it... and his ilk with their 'trad wife' stoneagery need to be battled, too...

Or to put it as the way i put it to (greying hair to die for as i told her to her brightest eyes, and only 43...)

" i guide mothers' woman birthing partners into how they best partner in that operation..[in Narnia Central of course] ."

" ehh well i hope you would guide any hardman bloke too if he so asked or paid you whatever your rate is.... ... me i was entirely toughguy  most of the time then the first time i wanted to change a nappy 33 years ago  - not even full of half my own DNA... i knew i was quite good at it, and far more important loved every smelly funny moment of it and know it was THE solution to guys being guys..... "

now...

in here 

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1nxSYJwZ9w-RSkzNea99Q57l9AXcWwcW0?usp=sharing

we have 

voice 26 a few days ago on THE solution to the problem - possibly the most embarrassing long audio ever made but i believe in all...is for useful purpose

And today 

voice 39

just merely as notemaking not possible

a potted history of 20 years of ....The problem - especially the last decade, a whole decade of landowners not  keeping to the 'deal'

.....why?

well almost ALWAYS under the dark hem,  of some or other hocus pocus 'spirituality'.... they hide behind as giving them the right to ....not keep to the deal...

not Trumpian 'deal' deals but simple rural currency: time is money as is sweat... or my fingernails even...so if you have mine, at least find some, nonsexual how dare you... way of paying a fair rate in return...

THis all does now need lovely pictures films many of me being hulky with sledgehammer this spring...soon  - and pics of boxes of that one thief's expensive spiritual book and ceremonial  collections (i rescued from the damp in the shed she couldnt be bothered to patch up and keep them dry).... she could have sold to pay for her breach of crystal clear verbal contract, all recorded for protection as usual 10 years of this thievery as thats what it is...)

Thing is the solution .... the whole 'new' age or even 'woke' age lot are just so utterly one dimensional in thinking ...folk...change...

For a few years a few outdoor fixing jobs were carried on a deux... me and equal sidecick female... and we never really rubbed it in we lived in one bed together.... but most assumed just that.

And she was in fact the sweetest most honest thing you could ever meet....

BUU even if we had one longterm customer TRY to thieve the last chunk of wages earned - our sweat and dedication to her JOB upfront never mind me going round on day 1 picking up Debbie's kids heroine needles littered the lawns.......

It was so so interesting  ....

not only no sparks flying even if a literal screaming dervish of employer woman " well....  youve not paid  about the real book price of that unused likely stolen banger out front....nope stop fantasisisng lets look up the ACTUAL book price.... the real version in the BOOK not your vapid spiritual version you symbolise as modern perversion.... lass ear its about time she got over her youthful rumpus and had a 'starter' motor..... logbook and signature at OURS by tomorrow morn..... and we wont tell many people in your fucked up little community how infact you are just another shabby conartist.."
 

All smiles and logbooks of course only at the very last 'moment' .... to make her point.

But this was only as she knew there were two - a tight couple on the same side....  who both also may have the same memory of every fantasist verbal contract these types come along all aromatherapy became shamaniac insanity

think arent a deal..... as they have some extra dimension

 to themselves beyond comprehension

It's extraordinary how then ten years of  being a single person same work same dedication.... 

Not one can ever even have a conversation

about how they fucked you over ... 

which country folk knows with this lot happens...

every single yesterday

But tomorrow is startin' afresh JOBS need doin

no matter what they may say...

if known to be becoupled, it always works out eventually

If you're solo..... never, no way

audio number 1 a ten year failed questy meanderation... 

see if there's ONE sane one left in this fucked up nation

number 2 about all that - the theft and in fact their tragedy (not mine i just bounce on though its SO endlessly predictable and borin'

.... but it's the WHY? thats far more interesting

THIS WILL BE ADDED TO LOTS AND LOTS SOON....

why, because not one of them ever even gets me down a bit...i am proud of the JOBS that were done....despite them

Thats no crime.... when enough of what they've been,  certainly is

Good, only the auto...re...spond.her?

 i need.

We need.

Maybe....

Nowe... thister most glorious ever one, well first equal with seventy six..

Somebody saw.... 

I notice almost all....

(they hate that almost as much as saying you're up every morn well before winterdawn)

And this is merely due to the person whom is actually of the land,  even if 20 years bobbin about the more or less defiled planet, and its indigenous peeps....

nevertheless years of lost 'n 'lonely' on them hills - proper ones, no tourists colonise...

One has the 'bandwith' to use their eponymous mouse language not of grandeur and

even stevies magnificent awe-filled, Nicks....

whom is the one who ...well

"an old Welsh witch" ...

No..... in old welsh Wales - by which i mean my new age modern magnificats,  then,  nobody gave a fuck about Pendle... but we gave a fuck about the smallest mouselike one who may be excluded from the  party or fun...

But as they colonised especially from exactly twentyish years ago....

It is almost as if they had second sight of how as they ripped off the next generation having ripped off their 'community' back in Woking or Walsall so as to get their Barbara Goodelife cash  when pretending to cherish them rural  landspeople in their new runaway community....they'll need some fall back position, which basically became, even if there are ten different variants all i have note of over ten different years all the same, indeed since poor Nina's first attempt - she even turned hers into a book,

 hell bent on being equal with her fey sugar daddy, 

number one baddy: 

"....  the country babes ... 

...especially those with 'special' powers ..

'pagan' ....even 'shaman'.... so ruthlessly bashed about by all those baddie knaves..."

 Becomes a get out of gaol free 

sick note

For not paying your dues...

Ever....  that 'compact' of small scale fragile even precarious rural 'economy' based on real economy, that of making maximum use of every precious moment

when weather ok and one has mojo at least ninety percent

But no everything became about their fragility

performed of course to get one over on the likes of me

(but i dont complain, i know the legions of me one by one drowned in their fakely tearful salty sea...

of just there to be seen ...  

daylight disguise, coverup

 up all night on the shopping sites

(the first of the new phase such a perfect archertype - and as she died of being herself god i wish i had my prtotective habit then

year eleven

ago.... HOWever we ....we.... me and then elf.....did catch some.... of how her archetipical behaviour regarding her two "learning disabled" tennants she monetised...

merely because with medical ticket it was her ticket to guaranteed forever rents...

paid by you, 

when in fact poor Adrian a days work he could do...

As we attempted to assist but....

(in that few weeks is every single word of why even Nigel wont have a hope in hell of cutting back the PIP bill with his mission bell.... Debbie C the true genius actress ... way ahead of her time.... in manipulating the system.... just for she

is up shopping most the night til half past dawn

despite pretending no signal ... at ten to working time)

Another much better story filmscript in  one merely simple job....

to be cont

 But theres one thing the rather obvious  woman of no discernable income, livin in a big stolen house .... the endless "im a carer carer carer.." 

best ever disguise for being,

Moth and Raynor

(poor things their latest cross to bear)

 

But then the ones whom really really took the pee

Now.... me age not even twenty three

i can't ever forget that lesser Princess .... Iranian goddess

(i taught to fly.... ok a bit of uncle Sha's dodgy cash siphoned of the Britolite refineries.... but the perfect modern arabian woman, no shyness there...

perfect un fidgetated ... flouncy hair...

so quiet and so humble.... " im only at peace ...no earthling understands me, up in the air.."

Rhana i cannot ever forget...

never mind a couple of splendid Pallies  in years then came

but then the rivers, seas.....  

fucked why? and all in between

Not content with no virtue  signalled by fake Pendle concern...

"ohh my god  the poor Pallies every day they burn..."

to be cont 

the solution:

well there's at least  someone who should have kept his beard....

THe 'gibbers' equation or ....

 internal world view?

OR just how it happens..... especially among the so 'self individuated' poor little old ones of the land...

Thing is even if each one makes herself (sorry, it has been 95% of the time) out to be gods gift to ...(local 'community' etc details later) ... 

they all cannot communicate except in lines of Fakebookese... and this wouldnt understand a propper paragraph along the lines:

each and every one,  for a decade (or two if the first Mister and Mrs Nina is included) each and every clearcut and fully evidenced 'breach of contract'  - arrangements to work freelance on the job going with their flow, of pocketbook or i narcistic "  weather nice on weds ill have you then" rather than " my weekly day of you i'm sure a few others have a day of you a week so you can eat, and we ALL want the same thing a nice day with you, so is it ok i have that one nice day of you forecast next week or do pother landowners have more pressing weather critical needs..?"  dont be daft this is UK only the self is what its been about all century

......but the bit they wont get ... am so happy for - each and every utterance their comeupperance  even if theyll never be identifierd, but  a true gift, as within each a story that is fable, parable, words of warning but far more interesting, a Russian novel written in Stalinist Times....  what is the truth behind the facade? that one couldnt fully share with anyone then...

But now becomes the time. Because there always was one solution. And I'm into what next.

And we need it...now

 

Yes but his.....

 Dimitri, 

In Marisa's perfect language.....

"um dois três...."

Your eyes (are), my daylight
They guide me through the dark

His eyes too....as in the Uttermost place in the universe we stood and discussed that Sublime....

But then as if predicted by that very chat even if ive had it so many times before...but not with a  real man, no so called debate - an excurse to show off Rupertine, arrogance...., pure harmony...

" 'it recreates itself every day',,,, to quote the rather mean and stupid old snobby Oxford don.... the last words he said to me.."

to which the man with daylight in his eyes even if rather black like someone i once knew... tells me what it really means....

that little three word meaning of life Ive had in my notepad over a decade, which was rather flashing red on my very assiduously retained ... mental todo list...even bucket.

exactly, in context, and ....with his eyes.

Anyway a sublime, of sorts, it just occurred even if i knew... even fourty years ago:

But 'they' needed us too....

and clearly still do.

If Marisa was in essence only allowed or inspired to a one hit wonder, and Anna, too...

something happens in these 

slightly 'machismo' territories....

In fact you can see it in the poise and hands of the probably very average 

banjo player, stage left

A woman flies,  even further than that far star

 on the way to the gutter the other side of the street, most lucky to make it to

And perhaps the men would close around, own her sublime fabulosity...

and never again would she ever create anything as perfect, in infinity

A pattern in such once macho lands

and dont believe the latterday disco diva versions

are anything but a feyboy-produced perversion...

because....hmmm.....

lets just it put it this way

no agent empressario tv station owner

nor copeformer

would dare to have even left a coffee-ring direction 

about which way next

on something created by Empress Mrs Siouxsi

never mind fuck with germ Free Polly

(finds me one Euro diva desrvent of the label, 

who made more than one sunrise 

and i'll eat my shitpan before  your eyes

and i am quite quite able

i dont lie)

anyway back to business i thought was OVER!!

And bugger me  up at the highest romantic atchin tan

ablutions in one simplest pan..

of luxury so called springwater, deep midwinter tough guy

version...

 And flippin eck up comes one from The Source of all Sources

Well i hope she remembers my little chat on the meaning of life

(whatever it takes both you and your wife!...ehh perimenopause is not a word, either... it either sticks or dont, believe me thats all that matters....doggin',  this new swappy-surrogate trend but make sure the paperwork is iron clad.... 

doesn't matter how... or who's the dad

i can tell beneath the perfect smile ... not sad

but don't become like them down below"

blahh b;lahh right thats enough keyboards never made one jot

of difference to  her 'universe'...

....anyway the very very last fortnight of such a long quest, 

but i know what it's really, for, now...

a few days ago

and as for their "community" well i waited...and waited....

we shall come back to this one day another ten years to get to book 50.

right much more important,  outdoor sublime art for a reason.,... but it doesnt work here

It once did...in the actual 'environment'  - The Wastelands  The Badlands where every picture needs a poignant few paras

And i will.

Hmm home?

now the story in two people's words, collaboration, guestly appearance almost as if one....

well its better than your dreadful Darcy's mum. Fact.

But there's something far far more poignant than getting the servant to run a next bloody loveletter round the corner...

And i can't even hint or give a clue

Well actually i think i could

But.... there's old folks to consider, who aren't us

weren't there.

Meanwhile back in the land of number one gib.

A year ago.....  Queen of every castle 

Local versions shabby discombobulations

I don't fib.

That story soon...

As warning 

Glastonbury really doesnt do much for woman dog or caravan

and discarded rotting awning....

Even when they preach 'global warming' 

soon

merely as aide memoire as really she gave me a clue

Right now i have REAL pongoing business

which will be finished despite her mess.

I complete what needs to be

irrespective of what even she

thinks is fait accomple

("damaged people are dangerous as they know they can survive"  well ignoring them's what makes me always thrive)

BUt at last ten times more important even if i can't remember whats been left in sanctuary here and whatnot

yert

but it wasn't time just yet

but the actually best atch, actually...for duel purpose, infact three

BUt this for sure is new as Im only half way through

**

thats the past i must get to for real

this the future

there is no 

'now'

but there is power.... and i know how to use my superone

I WILL fix it one day!

But the depth of story just behind one seemingly inane nothing imagery 

Thing is i don't know if i could chose I'm so unused to....... 

be cont

right its dumpping ALL TIME

even if i only want to get to thistermay

MY one most prized quality

I can still solo sledgehammer 

(never any assistance all too busy doin their nails)

even the toughest narrow post

And not hammercrack it  ... 

precision force and gentleness and i though i would be ghost

of former self, quite the very opposite dont you know

all i know is i know nothing, except three of us found i think the meaning of life

today, unplanned, and i only do anything to, well.... 

leave behind. 

Right now there is one thing that causes my reader numbers to crash burn and run away hissing like badly made cheap chinese  firecrackers with no purpose in life other than to simper and flicker into nothing but more rubbish upon this already overtrashed planet, which is when i attempt to get very Socratic and seriously good-writerly...

so i expect it will be at zero readers forever more, soon...

as i will succeed.

Its already in a whole years worth of audio longform....

ONLY because i have ten unused giggawatts before reset day

now... this is even more Lady Chatters than err put together with dodgy Darcy  you will see, soon

I've been playing at it, three years,  until.... today

tomorrow

Now, even the BBC ...

 ....couldnt Miss Understand,  vulnerableise, samesexualise,  the great moment in literature, Mister Hardy

has his Gabe, by a bridge if i recall,

being rather blunt, upfront, to the point

promising " a piano flowers and steady care..."  

what a lovely last couple of words there 

And in fact the adaptation was what should be proudly 'nation' 

his matter of fact, no act, just mumble it like it, IS

So beautifully related 

dont think there was even any farmers gated 

stuff, just one man stood in the early eve or was it dawn

" ehh up Missus well... [ive played at least  me  first pawn

in the great game, eventually he got his queen, after rather a lot of discombobulation

melodrama addicted SOUTHERNERS in charge of the wonky nation...].." 

 

however..... 

Now Ma Elliot couldnt quite match Thommy

 in his splendid fantasy

that doesnt have to be

and so brilliantly delivered centuries later, by that so called BBC

(before everything became only about insignificant 'minority'

whom for fucks sake,  havent arrf  'ad for years 99% majority

so theyve grown up now, can we get back to the point)

I listened to it thisterdawn

(several hours merely pondering, no devices

not even a nice email... that can wait)

Theres me at last audio wafflin' the big one:

why, especially in shoulder lands, 

reputation, wage deflation 

(by the time she's knocked off her gibber's quarter

dad's house  - always!,  and the unhappy daughter)  

 Anyway ehhh..... even when you're facing up to boss

If known to be becoupled,  far less loss

of wages .... and even mutual respect 

oops gone and elongated what merely was to rhyme with 'wait'

yes waffling upon it, even at his farmers gate.

I didnt dare listen, even to begin the edit

 "what on earth DID i say to him!!?!! 

bugger me  ....now i've addit!"

Thing is ...if it worked....

Darcy's mum, Maggie Tulliver's  

fabulous creator, even Thomas and his most romantic ever marriage  mutter

will be consigned to second best, mere trifling, no test....

of what its all about

Now to get back to all that matters 2022 even if it began long before

the way they tricvkled in with newwords even if long scholarly intellectual

but first "bipolar" infact before everyone was then branded " asby.." which turned into "narcissist.."

Nothing to do with me propper Gabriels just trundle on and persist and if youve persisted without jumpin off the big one or losing all your hair, quite

and sleep 8 hrs at night

well all is well, "centred" if one must

But i have also done their 'psych reports' and  legal work...

the state must have some care about who's really gone berserk

or where its merely made up so some lanyardist can profit.

(i used to think the Southern 'Guardian Reading' type did  care

silly me but that's ...well its in the 'free speech' audio the other day)

upsy downsy hot 'n cold.... all of that

the one word i would never ever wished to be even remembered in my company

nor anywhere else, is grandiosity...

When you live utterly aside, 

genius at 'stealth' no need to hide.

For four years solid just be

nobody nowhere (in the quietest places, where one is only solitary) 

constant....

and if overeggin' owt, time and space to internally repent

nope.... that audio on why to be two if you can

with a special guest appearance by a finest old man

.... had even my heart on my mouth

and twas mine gob that....

right.... i better run away due South!

So, it WAS [innix] a truth universally acknowledged as true ....

 That Madam George was THE greatest writer in the English language  - of any straightforwardly jolly true novel that is, rather than Shakey's melodramatic death cult stuff ....whom i KNOW wrote in conjunction with the Missus... (even if they will forever deny her that truth even if the letters rediscovered a year or so ago say his Missus remained jolly good chums with her toy boy all her life and kept fully in touch.... and anyway if she was so much his fabulous educator in the ways of the 'world', all that maturity brushing away schoolboy insecurity

under hay rick or in the dark shadows under Bridge of Lurchery...

... older bit of totty 

well of course she was his senior boss and co jotter... 

Until the Chelteethams go and get all gushy and gussety ...

ruining my perfect morning.

Which in fact is the point: nobody gets gussetty over Silas as in fact he vuia his mum stuck two findgers up to ALL of them.... church, aristo, bigwig, midwig (standard bourgeoisie i just invented that innit cute!), and fleas crawling around under the midwig - i.e. lesser petit bourgoisie...  

 (god i hate being creatively cheeky without trying ANYthing - i never rev up in fact thistermorn is the exact opposite the handritten version already slowly jotting... thats the meversion of me.... as my people the mellow humble landgirls of course are intimidated by it when 100 years ago they would have danced a jig with metoo, it.... why Ragged Trousered did sell millions as there wasnt this bolshie modernist nothingism.... )

... because Silas saw through them all even the fake biological dad, and without being rude nevertheless did make it clear what rite 'n rong was and left it to his daughter to chose.....

And she chose correctly so its not as if some pumped up hooray Henry ferkin Darcy or whtever his name was, had ANYthing to do with it, nor any  hoitytotty letters poppin back n forth...

As Eppie Marner knew only the eyes of the man who had adopted her ... and how they always were there gazing upon  her own best interests no matter what...

And her so valiant attempt at trying to understand her own creation, Daniel Deronda,  was maybe even a greater act of genius as she knew ..it was complex....  and thus left us mere readers  not even entirely satisfied with her effort as of course that's the right feeling to inculcate, when all 'people'ing is almost beyond words...

But no.... the Cherltenham ladies have no memory except for whatever is the thing... today or the next day....

Which i understand entirely. As i have now 'lived' it enough: in a quarter of a decade  just... wondering or not even knowing i needed to wonder " who are they?"   Until i have.

Now... there is nothing worse than "giving away your core inner being me,  lived or even dead.... as i care only about my reputation. 

Reputation management is such an icepick  through the head, of a phrase  when all that matters even if it doesnt really in the grander scheme, is does one own descendent even have the first idea of ones basic identity? And figuring not because she is of the (to me) 'other' identity - the great masses of The South...  (defined as East of a line going along the Eng/Wales border and South of around Manchester,    though the former went and got all discombobulated as gradually those who couldnt afford to piss of the poor Pasties making them so much richer than they pretend by buying their spare dog kennels to live in or fill up with their pairs of designer dogs....  ended up gradually buying the land and spare dog kennels in Mid then even West Wales from around 2010ish which nobody would have second sighted...

Anyway i accept every smallest psychogeographical fact, but you have to understand why....just a tad.... or you are forever perturbed which is the foundational myth to becoming angsty...

Pretty much all 'feeling's just modern cultural con...struct

And even if The Source is part of something else, really... (the total destruction of once sane NON 'woke' environmental solidarity)  

Its just the mass formation of bourgeois mores.... even upon their moors.... 

You have to really live, or you cannot understand how a watered down version diluted the once more sane version of at least part solidarity....in the actual country...

side, aside all this....

But its that year, that one seminal year 2022,  all of it... that needs picking apart 

and RAgged Trouserin',  to start 

As the thing about the Southerner B or MW or even smoked out lost little underiggy flea...

is (i didnt know)  they think everything is only ever about "me"

and that is the only way for them it can be

And only a real fool thinks you can change anyone...

well anyone who hasnt been years and years 'aside' 

often with only a few good books within which  to hide

away from decades ago the great bullnecking, dumbing down began...

Anyway yestermorn.....

 on a bracken hunt

she may well have denied me thrice, but at least she told one truth

" so have you read 'Winterings'....?. "

And along with being a great fiddler

Her nuance said enough.

Now i used to like this time of year.

Having revved up no more summerings to distract

a few good longsleeps it was time for action

action done, this is merely practice:

once more go for the pointy hat 'n chalice

brain fogged no malice 

but

(no point cant even read, or listen)

If i can change my name and escape

get to safety higher hills or hide under continental safecape

Who knows one day sipping low alcohol sangria

i shall be most content, " turn on the comedy, opera....

i gave them chapters (that autumn) on what to do..... "

 

you get what you deserve

Minister For Religion and Arch Pointy hat  

how about that 

poor Sarah never had a chance

(i gave her friends recently the real pointy lance)

The remake, the born again Tommy.... emerging from his prison cell

Will be ten times better than that by merely, "Who?"

(and defo all the evangelicals will be "its Revelations whoop whoop")

 all the way to ...hell.

Thing is even Monty Python couldn't have actually made it up

And Stuart Lee's so called 'comedy', you were sold a factory farmed runt-pup. 

Righty ho so much to do

The BBC entirely Miss Informin the peeps 'bout South America

you get what you pay for: rewritten history

Maggie's mate,  Pinochet mark two...

(but just how parochial and wrong they are, about the onepeeps more fado than the fadoese.

 well I may get to that by  about book thirty two)

If i could just get a sockit!

 And start publishing a decade of interactive reflections i must have at least once per each of the 50 volumes  - at least 30 or so volumes meandering Socratically whispering in the ears of UKIPPERS from 2015, and all the so called EU lovers whos rhetoric was merely about lying busses " dont tell anyone especially the greens as all they care about is the made up  vulnerable victimised 1 ish percent who are 'undecided'  ... and thus use the worst rhetoric ever extant....  but the reason we are 'better together' is  never mind all English ones ive known requiring a bit of education  .... in how to be a lover being slow and languid,  or just poppin' into the unisex after a real coffee on your first date....   ideally from Them frogs....anyway, as i jhave said a million times beforfe into my chronicles  i always knew French was the most beautiful language of all.... until forced to learn some Portuguese and learning i was wrong, it being without any doubt is by far the most beautiful language ever...."

which seeing as  their literature can be a bity staid and often contrived (except Pereira,

 hopefully harbinger)

Is unquestionable 50 vol with ruthless editing stream of being very conscious of truth and should get at least a few 

Portuguese cultural medals, often part of formal Orders of Chivalry or merit systems, recognize significant contributions to culture, public instruction, and general merit, with key examples including the Order of Public Instruction, Order of Merit, and historic military orders like the Order of Saint James of the Sword, 

just one will do

as long as there's a passport rightly appended, to what is true

even if i bet theyre also pissed off - in fact i know they are pissed off about

i hear things that are real from real people i ask 

 not the rabbit hole version of the internet

 (the only one all the Glasto girls found) 

the fact that every dodgy snake-oilista and drug dealer from Horrorford (ohh and tax credit thief  claiming them for yerars despite running a cult out there  - espesh that one so called healer-mama who never even let the kids see their dying dad, Dolphin, i organised a free pardon for and wages, if she set herself up by his bed a few months)  went and bought a field - doubtless within a few years littered with old cans like that eco-retreat Goosebarn by Gweek,  and put up a yurt and started a 'healing' business, without the correct zoning paperwork.... too busy all in their 'spiritual' zones .... 

they  - the poor Portuguese saw through it all and  realised some years back, "ooops .."

now..if that book could be rushed out....

May help their indigenous kids be able to afford their homeland once again.... never mind create an actual 'safe space' once more.....

surely a gong in that 

Auntie-fado!!!

 Now i am an 'ist' even if one loses track (still to DO)of what on'es an istabout...

And decades ago the only religious theosophical answer to all - as mine Mong mate, arff Pak and arff Kraut agrees..is interbreed

Then you don't need any iter-farrders or whatnots..

Fuckin' 'ell all along i was wrong, 

Siouxsi got nuthin on this babe! of the true song

and tango is made up prancin' around.....

she means it!....wow !! 

Even if having lost two of them!

Firstly the actual new-era fiancée of 2003  - a real woman comes to visit you in a gaol of ACTUAL dusty 'troubadours'  - the real thing rather than the ones in The Sourcelands who use that as advert too... and i hardly knew her.

Looked like the one above...infact gorgeouser

and smilier

And we parted one night later that year " i have to be ....ehhh...well...its going to take a while.. but really that only dinner for years  ... the empty restaurant middle of your nowhere.... and you even twisted my arm ok i have to admit that wine.... just you 

me and a few glasses of the alentejo.... 

please wait... i'm glad we 'waited'

 but i mean it, I'm committed"

You can't get more world record tragic 

than your fabulous clean living utterly non junky fiancé, 

one didnt know then but her Portuguese passport would have later come in handy...

just a few years later goes and dies on you.....  

cos of just a bit of youthful mistakenly junked up junky flu...

otherwise known as cancer causing eppytightis...

Just a few weeks thats all

seventeen, on the needle

(without any doubt change, learning lesson, causes the best of all peeps - maybe that's the 'meaning of life'

 Ms perfect Pinto, not even ex wife

 one teenage error, takes away her then-now perfect life

And then a second my ohh my

backstop, second choice, 'I chose life!'

a 2019ish FAkebook message, oops, no, email

"if you're still alive down there Isabel Mario Ramos Lopes....

well... ehhh..... i fancy some December warmth.... and ok if youre still in distress

i callously used you  -  both of us such a youthful mess...  

well ok maybe  ehhh..... " if at first you don't succeed

even more tragically, fail!

She having earned, twenty years or more

even learned my language, our amorous fortnight, 

handsignals and body language..... all night

no common words, upon which to, our other minds, impale...

But what a bummer never mind double tragedy 

her kid gone, and both of us free....

just a few weeks earlier, kicked the bucket

life is shit how sad never mind fuckit

i owed her.... even if we made each other laugh at our weirdest on and more off thirty year history.

(sometimes you can go ..back.....and she's even more gorgeous than ever..)

Anyway there was no point EVER speaking, 

I'm sure even Mister Cohen my only  many year supposedly well read male confidant

will have  forgotten my endless torrent:

"god when will YOU PEOPLE...[ Guardian  lite] of so called Hay-on-Wye, listen to some other cunt

"my only ever enemy..... those Greens, blame THEM 

'them' them, for their endless crimes....

pityful rhetoric leads to  wonky lost peeps crimes...

how many times do i have to repeat:

Most important book made me think Amos OZ, most of his

not preachin' just showing.... the backstreets of Jerusalem or Tel Aviv are as confusing and nuanced as my underpants

craziest sexmad lover ever young N London Woman-of-the-book 

 after just one coffee bleedin eck did she ...

Daughter named out of a Zimmertune

Only extant, due my half-Pally pal delivering flowers one spring Warsaw afternoon

....i dont think i ever even paid her back....

anyway do i moan EVERR?!? 

never.... about anyone except them Greens...."

As only 'pity' really works

Is ultimate " shut-the-fuckup

cower crawl.....  and if you ever mature, buck up...

pity the poor gentile, 

lost the race by so many miles

Babs, (and all prejudiced peeps like me leave her Yentil to last on the list

inadvertent cliché  self immolatingly syndrome on ones own petard:  

leave the best to last; why is it so HARD!

Amos, Primo, second-best-to-ugly-Kev,  

Poliakoff quite alone

 chronicled UK sold out all principle,  to ownin'  that castellan home

infact yes come back in a century!

('twon't be in the stats i guess, but youngsters dead,

traintracks ovepillpoppin, 

placcy bags and .... own bonce... 

i would bet my free speech  certain names arent on that tragic list  even once)

Jesus Christ and Jerusalem.... 

proportionality; Bella Abzug was the state of New York's first female senator.

a first; to  even handbag-whack those dreadful stone age men!

its the gentiles, cultureless, useless, pretty damn clueless,  cant even keep their own kids out the morgue...

 And in fact, fact... a considerable segment

have many decades  married 'out' .... 

the modernest modernist only fixing, to 'genetically'* cement. 

*Lewontin 

quite rightly in his  1991 Doctrine of DNA.....

Geneticist Lewontin demonstrates how science (and scientists) is molded by society and how the dominant social and economic forces in society determine to a large extent......

soon went on to lecture on how all 'race' is just illusion.. all there is is cultural construct

 (ahh note to self the FREE SPEECH thing i forgot the real meaning of life.... 

came up later on with the wonderful old couple riffing for quite some time.... them, finest ever hubby and wife.... 

talk about solidarity

he even doses  her  with hydrogen peroxide 

[we laughed - as she alone:  " its the bloody hair products fuck up the rivers... not SW water"]  just a little on the side

home-made fix, keeps her COPD at bay

she'll live to battle on another day

Especially since she's had 'err orders: 

"WRITE your memoir!... yes all these latterday made up disorders.... 

screwed up your adult lad, too...."

well......

 ....  I never edit; but i may have to....

There's me wanderin' up into her hills once again  - " thirty miles [ i can speak local, indeed have ten different identity hats all the one same underneath as its only words....  I'm no fascist  that insists everyone else is lesser if they don't believe my ideal... ology)].... a week the  difference between a longer life and health....  and not"

" so where do we find you then...?"

(i'm still in shock..... " you mean she didn't tell you....  to look out for a pikey probably scoutin' tools to nick or... land to 'adopt' 😇.... [  gosh thats weird an emoji can be italicised  merthinks theres a word picture or two in that.. lets experiment ..🙏

wow it works! ... sadly someone i once knew rather addicted to them, rather than.... reality....].... i was kindof testing her i know its not very nice to speak in terms like testing but.... gosh i KLNEW she would defy disobey 

and generally fuck up my day.... wow what a lass!" ...)

Anyway one fact every time you turn on news of the  loonies  - surely Brown has to take almost the biscuit... (its like for several months the world has wanted the next one)   but what's worse is every time you turn them on all they do is moan about the....... flu...

now sadly one cannot yet create the full multi-media experience,  a chronicler i know I am  far better than old man Borrow or even  this one 

but this one is the one that grabs me.....  the amount of times one has needed a helpin' hand even recalcitrant...moody...even footstampy? more often than

 knot 

the smile crack eventually, brought down to earth 

(is it her fallen tree?)

by muckin' in together .. there's no s/he

Anyway the first rule of the land is that unfortunately most farmers, and i am allowed to say this as an actual real  'commoner' for my teens - where i woz as a lad no fancy terms like that, one merely had "rights" to the mountain and i was one of only 3 or 4 of us shepherds up there, come wind rain or snow though ideally in the bracken of a summer attempting a little recreation as all work makes JAck a dull boy....  even atop the well known 'Moel'....... well they   are a tad fascist and they have to be trained

The best moment was 2011 living or rather not wanting to, but having to... on old farmer Jack's land a well known famous sheepdog dog beater and fascist...in fact he would basically admit the latter himself behind the painted on smile.... if you had him to yourself at work, unpaid...

Now this is called a harrow. Real hillfarmers may once or twice a year tend to their land with one... it is dragged across the land and even breaks up the manure so its spread all over the field so walkers can complain about the smell.... and getting it on their boots

What landspeeps have to do as it all went wonky and the farmers rightly assume that the invaders are on drugs just cos they havent had TIME for a decade to cut their hair.... being an actually dedicated parent and animal, husbander... etc 

even if your lass is in fact bred and born just up the road if you dont have the same fascist accent or ALWAYS racist banter well youre not from here....

BUt what a landman  - both sexes can do it but seems one is too scaredy cat not to prejudge, does is bide his time...a year or more and one day oldman JAck - 75ish is in the field next door with his harrow.  struggling as it was all knotted up as he was always  too busy bossing his poor dogs around no wifey left to nag.... to do his job properly and unknot it after the last job ready for the next job...

....so the 'moment' ... " ehh up JAck look you probably think im one of these wimpey precious druggies that have colonised all the Wye Valley but ehh i see yourre strugglin there let me do it for you...dont want you having the well overdue stroke [that would have saved the dogs rather a lot of pain]..."

" you lad ....well.pphhuhhh......."

ten minutes later he's off on his tractor harrowing away with an untangled tool... and a year of fascist assumptions put in his pocket in a  tin called "well  i never..."

In short the most judgemental people on the planet ....  even if the original North Wales hill farmer was in fact one of the least judgemental in that when one is toiling away lonely day after day and some 'stranger' comes into view no matter what their hue... anyone is a welcome break from  cant-talk-back dog or slightly dipsy  ewe...

Anyway where did we get to ohh yes the total inability for anyone ever to think.... maybe a flu may do me good: tune up my immune system.... give me a break - rest from their  system...

of only self....

But then also...in ten years nearlynow..of meandering and giving  just a bit of my 'story' to random pixies, fascists or anyone i meet...

so many times as i couldnt give a shit about mine, when hearing theirs i sagely guru them into Dave....

who maybe did have one grown up 'friend'  - the only definition i know: telling the truth..

to them Feds when after years of him sadly becoming a 'monster'  - his own word, all them drink drugs and the rest

someone tipped the Keystones off about a load of drugs and it lead to arrest.

And nine months pokey 

out of which he emerged drug free

He later said "saved my life"

Hmm anyway there was i meanderin' and  making an audio about why? husband/wife....

And bugger me.... 

an out of the pale blue yonder opportunity

the ultimate in emotional blackmail 

"perraps you'll put in a good reference....

.... never mind fix your wall or fence...

... if she's to run you maybe even to whorespittle....

well she'll be happier ...more content

even drive more safely-faster... if theres someone back home, to..."

be continued.