a page begun 2 Oct 2026 at 0600
probably not finished making initial notes until 4 Oct 2026
Righty ho... now... a lot of my meanderings and scurrilous social comment is in fact as 'LOVING' response to the only enjoyed and valued British man for decades. The brown man occasionally artistically photo'd. He needs a whole book on him. We kind of almost discussed this.....
He is a comic genius. He turned up at my previous hide away in the hills above Titley in twenty twenty " on manoeuvres". He was the funniest person i had ever met - even if i do not seek funny folk - i was born serious. He has a genius acerbic wit. He coined one day the perfect insult 'prammy', as for several years we text battled at dawn - thousands of deliberately (think Rick Mayallish) attacking texts going for each other via humour - as we both knew that in 2020/21 we were the only chilled out ones anywhere. A definite form of 'love'.
However one of the few things i could not understand about this superb fine mind ( a pure construct of the great culture of the late 70s in UK) was him not allowing me to attack him for his appreciation of Russell Brand. Long ago i had registered as dangerous fake. I have no interest in celebrities possible past illegal behaviours far more interest in their FAKE guruing.
Well, over a few years Mav, (Maverick his lifetime nickname) and i battling over poetry to my amazement my own wit, he admitted, rose to the challenge and i would end up (PURE let goness, pure loving battle via words to the death - both of us raised ourselves on the bonkers poetry of Bob Dylan and then others) coming up with funnier querulous rejoinders, than his lifetime ability in that field...
I had 'let go' even on that. A bad example unless i put up the evolution of our intense fabulous word battle..
However the serious side is that even your Russell as soon as things get a bit tricky does this public transformation into super smug Christian. Both Maverick and i know that ALL organised religion is more than 'problematical'. One of his mongrel halves is first gen immo from a rather ranty part of India. (even if the brown man is allowed total racial freedom - joke-lying to us all for some years he was a 'half Pak'. Organised religion has killed many thousands there just in the last half a century.
I won that round to - for months i would attack him daily " so... you're enjoying your God-Russel's daily dose of wank are you.... to you all you six million 'aware awakened wonders' [his into byeline] " and a few years later Russell goes full on god-squad... of the most pious drippy kind. Ergo.
free substack audio
‘Letting Go’ part 1 of a few (even if most of ralphschism.com is about that tricky concept, everyone else fakes)
AND even if a tortuous three hours
why AI is the enemy of all humanity, as the end of the above - spontaneously, the faeries helping...
proves - i came up with a completely COUNTER argument to the tyranny of we must let go...
I had never thought of before and i bet the mass BPD wank class who make self help / lifecoaching material are so so UNlet go they could never even imagine, as it is AGAINST the argument we NEED to 'let go'
NOTES REFS
Now in a whole society of the stuck overwhelmed ,lost .....pretending they arent
TIME is the enemy (to quote my daughter's name song)
and duel purpose (deliberate playful wrongspell - three dimensional - as all interlocution in England is a duel ...even if 'loving' - almost as if one is jousting with electrocuting lances, everyone here so bloody touchy - they are NOT in Europe i know i speak with many of them slimy foreign food eaters still... ... my fave snails! with tons of garlic))
so a recent email out to a seemingly good mind who wants to hear more on how to 'let go' - nothing is ever ever individual or personal, and ideally is 100% anonymous...
i have refrred to in the above audio so here is a chunk of it
Hi good we have some 'following through'
VERY important: I always communicate digitally with a light and happy heart and smileyface
I only turn any digital on when i am in that mode..
even if i am as i said constant. But sometimes a tad tired out by ordinary life so never do so in that mode..
That said digital is always a disaster. Hence in person essential
Anyway let me briefly come back to you on literally just your first line- not 'respond' or argue
I shall try to condense what is THE most important thing of all into a few paras
This comes from 25, but really 30+ years. of my own gradual transition/ evolution, from as i told you THE most 'self contained' person in the universe, to something quite different - at least in how life lived daily - though the 'core' - who we were at age 13 or 14, is far more fixed; but in parallel as i don't drink and in fact almost never socialise in the evening for decades, and mainly lived really out in the wilds, i have had a huge amount of time to monitor the 'message' out there - in UK and even other territories. study read ... what the elites of the mind say even psych...etc etc.. I am extremely 'international' - have my ears open to all voices all over the world one way or other.
so your opener [Im no good at being told what to do, or words to that effect]- first complaint hahh hahh.... this is THE main aspect....
Without being ever guru/buddhist or even Oracle girl wanky its about that one disastrous little word 'i'
As we chatted "why have so many become ... " overwhelmed or just endlessly stuck/ and internally angsty/ fractious... etc etc etc..?
So, lets try and nuke this 'i' - because my pretty wide ranging fairly unusual experience of people - including, maybe especially, over a long period from 2003 for near 20 years, being 'in there' with all sorts of people in the 'bottom third' as legal counsellor to those truly facing massive attacks to their soul - via their kids (years of - and such people always have a total life collapse when faced with often years of vexatious litigation against them - people make money from that vexy lit), and also being 'in there' with many in a pickle facing homelessness or knife edge poverty because i began (AGAINST MY WISHES!! - key) to assist those around me in a fairly deprived area i lived in with their endless housing benefit tax credit / council tax / eviction issues..
and ('against my wishes' is key) i had settled into a really good better mode where i had survived the worst of wounds to my soul quite well and deliberately lived in THE most peaceful very rural hide away up in the hills of West herefordshire...walking my one thing keeping me going along with some writing good for the soul.... but i realised so many of the sick weird even druggy neighbours in the region - i think in 5 mi circles, and all i would and did walk a mile to avoid ! were so mentally collapsed as i had the skills to battle with authority gradually i started to assist as informal citizens advice one to one... here and there... people i DID NOT LIKE and had nothing at all in common with... (also key)
right that's the last of 'me' - thats contact background...
to the key.
quite simply we are ALL the same inside. Or 99%
( all say "i do not respond well to...")
what do mean?
eg when we chatted you had your chocolate coated fancyish biscuits with you.
99% of people can eat such biccies. 75% are almost addicted - even when they know as the science is clear sugar is bad for us...
(i am not puritan i try and avoid sugar have done years - as important as loads exercise, but occasionally i waver)
however also 100% or maybe 99.9% of people will turn their nose up if offered a doggie poo chunk to eat from the ground of that park if there was one
better example actually - but i havent made my point yet, many people for around 30ish years - the KEY timespan. All your adult life.
(it all began to shift around late 80s - incidentally as party drugs became ubiquitous, not entirely coincidental - nothing to do with late nights but how things like MDMA, as does alcohol, turn people so so inward )
from around then you would hear " i am a night owl..night person" as if it were fixed in their dna... you rarely heard this before that key time mid 80s. And it has become an almost fanatical thing: " I cannot do morning as I am a night person.."
But here is a lovely example of that being in fact false. My own weird but so interesting experiences 2003 spending a few months stuck without bail - wrongly! in a gaolhouse... I often use this story or just example...
upon entry if a lag told the staff "i cant get up for brekky at 0710 sharp as you tell me is the time cos i am a night person.."
they would laugh and say " well you'll be losing weight too as well as losing freedom as ..."
And its extraordinary how quiet gaolhouses are from 10ish at night.... as EVERY body clock has reset to waking at 645 to do ablutions before the line for brekky at 7.10
And all those 'night people' - many in gaol of course will have been, doze off sweetly at ...10 pm ...
so... what has 'happened' from late 80s this whole grift / tsunami of "we are all different"
"come to my therapy / lifecoaching...guruing ../ ...medicating.... " etc etc...and then it evolved into " we are all unique individual beings who need to find their path etc etc....
is THE problem....
Nope we arent't... 99% of people i have dealt with are below a few surface things, the same....
why do i say so..
and the 21 c grift EVEN top psychology - a grift!! - is all based on THEY make money from INDIVIDUAL 'work' with some 'individual'... thats how they get paid...
from 20 years ago - now we get REALLY into it... doing legal counselling - parents who may LOSE their beloved kids unless we worked on a good strategy in courts via statement - civil law (the majority of law) is based on written statement
EVERY single person i would spend many hours with attempting to get them to fall in with simple successful strategies ...
from 20ish years ago..
became obsessed with 'control' - the REAL evil menace at the root of it all....
control
the illusion we are all 'individual' .." self individuating" blahh blahh... in 'control'
began with mid 80s " we all have INDIVIDUAL decorating / style notions.." blasted in from every direction...
then it goes into lifecoaching / therapeutic worlds...
of a few key things this one thing is THE real central issue to 'your' - meaning plural, prickly overwhelm - you and i know its a PRICKLY overwhelm..
so she is thinking he wants me to hand over my housekeys as he is a coercive controller sneaky creep...
well apart from hating the constant traffic hum noise of oakey.. (compared to silence of hillier places) . so i wouldnt want them...
Anyway for now this 'i' ... "I dont repspond well to...."
Absolutely MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE - in a range of roles even fixing up peoples often lazily messed up sheds...
control is the horrid issue even i must tip toe around... the need for EVERYone to be 'in control'
which of course merely comes down to taking advice...
almost nobody can....
nobody likes tough love being TOLD what they need...
even if they pay to attempt to get that...
so... as i have been having the same conversation as that with you for about 15 years - 100s of times... its almost hopeless...
but i do sense you may actually mean some of what you said whereas most are stuck and only performing interest...
as i say or said - and i have 99% perfect recall, i pledged to you to attempt to figure a simple template - i know what it is but putting it down in writing with others is harder...
and you have not pledged to anything.... as i am aware...
anyway so as i began digital disaster as is email especially as 99% just scan it.....
and anyway only face to face is real....
I havent yet read the rest of your message as i always read every word thoughtfully - maybe a few times, of any communique..
and havent battery time yet to go through the rest - but as i say the key line is in fat that first one from you..
TO BE MULLED UPON - hopefully together with you and it takes months if not years to move beyond it
i have many stories of my and others need for control
i told you my best one it prob didnt really go in..i lost my REALLY NEEDED CONTROL - of privacy, 2003...
after it was stolen from me as if i had been gang rOped...
it turned out that that removal of control
was best silver lining of all (as i said my inner bung dissolved resulting in better sexual experience I HAD NO IDEA MAY EXIST... thats the key also we cant know what it is like the other side of some change)
so endeth the lesson but really J* its a long very simple but endless slog to attempt to get anyone to take in any of this (i have several times done in the past you aint anything new... they ALWAYS fail.... and it ends up wasting months of my own time energy and i always end up utterly on bread line - BUT happy as i KNOW what these standard modes are...
as i say really its more about getting it down into usable format by others..
i urgently wish to do and with you would be two birds one stone...
WITH you would be best even if you will fight as there is THIRTY YEARS of this awful self stuff - i was KING OF!! .. to deal with
shortest PS the last was hurried out as i was popping to do a few hrs work....
At somewhere i do NOT want to be...
And now sat in the park i met you, in a town i NEVER ever WANT to be in again (champagne fake socialism and so much butterfly brain bs)
probably i didn't quite make the fundamental point earlier in email, i shared in the park with you then...
probably i didn't quite make the fundamental point earlier in email, i shared in the park with you then...
so the 'letting go'.... ehh yes almost all the way except for one area.
so i quizzed you about what you maybe would wish for the future and your response to do something that would 'help' people... (as i said 99% of helping is sick fakery.. 99% of charities are self serving semi fraud operations - be careful... i know what needs taking forward as REAL help for people over time but we will leave that for now )
i happen to be luckiest person alive (even if theres always a double edged sword at play) in that my 'cause' inadvertently via media 2003 (as a cause celebre i had never even had a parking ticket and many said to tv cameras when i was being unlawfully detained on our hols hahhh hahhh.. " hes the best dad ever we always see him around with his TRULY perfect daughter.."
my 'cause' - 1 of 2, healthy child psych... thats what my own laws are about - UNIVERSAL...forTCG...
and
2 environment but you cant have it protected unless the yoof have healthy psych.... which they do NOT
so.... i work for (at times) to eat, people i REALLY don't want to....(and my brain i know i could get£50/ht if i sold out - i never will do..) inhabit places - i dont wish to inhabit this country compared to EU its HORRID....so many stuck in bad mental places (not so in EU - i did a short interview witha random french couple this morn that makes that CLEAR)
in other words even I do LOSE CONTROL! of how i wish to live....
Except, every day for years i am in 100% control of what MATTERS - my causes...
so one 'lets go' of nearly everything we hold 'dear' so as to be MORE not-let-go of maybe just one thing that is worthy.... and CAUSES OUR PSYCH TO SHIFT...out of the overwhelm etc etc....
of course one has to go through learning stages in ones 'cause' where one may not be entirely independent...
but, if we 'mean' it - our statement that we will work on that 'cause' .. eventually we will be master of it....
AND that we hold on to dearly...
ideally not in a domineering way but sometimes even that becomes necessary.
TIME dear j* is always THE huge issue... i know i have run about 7 or 8 causes in 20 years....and almost ALL Brits turn out to be sick liars that they are in there with you....
(people pleasing)
I have literally wasted 10-20000 hours unpaid NO benefit to me (not even a good shag! - which is allowed if its a sincere shag for the cause...to create solidarity hahh hahh) on attempting to groom and nudge allies onto coworking on causes... (one to one always - therm having stated they wish to themselves take a cause forward.... planning bolstering encouraging....)
all failed... though i know always without fail i acted to a GOOD strategy with such PPs...so i have esteem.
a few causes i did solo did work (one main one over 5 year saving a wildlife region from development titleyscheme.blogspot.com worked.... and was VERY risky for me to further....
Anyway once one does know that one is furthering any cause as well as anyone could then control is rightly fierce around that cause....
even if in 'causes' we do need allies and teamwork...
the 'letting go' - via other things we are neurotic about does loop back eventually ALSO into ones cause...
A not very good example, i keep lots of notebooks etc etc and over 3 decades loads email....
i carry my notepads at all times in backpack - all really just about my final cause - writing the REALITY of 20 years of a mad narcissistic 'green' movement (ok most of them are OVERWhelmed or mentally buggered im sure)
And a copy on a pendrive of 10 gb of email (excellent reference) over 20 years....
a few months ago the laptop that held that email died - unlikely it can be fixed..and i can nearly fix ANYthing....
And i couldnt get anywhere to use a plug long enough to make a second backup copy of the pendrive ...
one copy is the greatest sin as that could fail..
and then all lost.
so... having 100% let go in many other areas of life especially the last 15 years ... still my work is important to me...
if i even thought my bag of stuff could be stolen 10 years ago it would give me palpitations or at least cause a crushing semi overwhelm inside me....
i would have great worry " OMG i must at ALL cost prevent my notes/email store being lost....".
second to my daughter THE most precious thing by far in my life...
But.... i realised recently (pondering the potential email loss) that actually if i lost or had stolen everything...i would hardly have a negative thought....
AND in fact i also KNOW something else....
from previous experiences ..... in fact it would enhance me, esteem me further when having lost that 30 years of email still i could quote and recall the important ones for my memoirs .... that would make me feel groovy - the real version
in other words, yet another crutch i will likely hardly even use...
i had not 'let go' of.... but know that i more or less have even that one... is freedom from any distraction... so 5that every we day recreate anew what we have become via the hard work of persisting life thus far..
AND some learning from others....
so my 'hurry' even if plans never work out i can function FAR more efficiently in warmer periods and we have a week more of decent weather also i have a little cliff edge soon ref making a bit of dosh to pay for some mechanics etc
bottom line i am FREE er this coming 7 days with more energy to spare than i may be in a fortnight.....
and all dealing with anyone (especially someone HEALTHILY admitting overwhelm - as i have many times discovered, takes a LOT of time and energy.... i may not have so much to spare in a week...
unless rightly a publisher gives me a few grand to work more on my stuff up front
which never happens as THEY have become so so awful and CONTROLLY... the publishers
it suits them there are 20 million J*s with overwhelm as their crap books like KAtie FForde.. (Eastenders set in some idylic rural village with supermodels included) . are like nectar to the hurt and messed up
but they dont work. As the publishers KNOW
they want you all to stay so fucked up its daft....
why it is VERY hard a cause to try get anything REAl published...
(my own material 5000 readers a day... but very hard to get funded for any better writing up of things... they WANT you all sick and trapped)
:-)
:-)
