Thursday 20 June 2024

Simplest, quietitude


....and for the   bongo bongo fan " i did the Ayahoooescah cerremonially don't you know..." bless err she meant it

It started with a ' ceremony' to 'welcome to the world' the 500 quid bell tent....before  they became trendy ...

Twenty years on, to the hour, i get to burn one, as my ' ceremony'...

Symbolising, rather a lot, of nothing

errata, nearer 100....


and she, our Queen....

of the civilised people, whom actually Man and Woman 

And can put it into real perfecr art

 got to 92....

50km a week

 ...just walking

And the quiet...i found the only quiet corner of the noisy needy land

The conclusion:

20 years of mumbo jumbo.
odyssey moomoo

'"shaman"; guru.

But the more, most...insidious: 

( as we hear,  even  Australian 'gen z' sucked in...)

Everyone always knew the ' second eye' was a con. Even the oridinary run of the mill Roma - slightly ostracise their  fortune tellers..... as just on the con, but you gotta do something tonpay the rent.

All just a dull con...

Serb psychic tips England to thump Serbia as Kane to go on Euro 2024 'goalfest' Serbia are set to get thumped by England tomorrow (June 16) - according to the country’s top psychic who claims to be a relative of Nostradamus.

But what really matters, meknows, is several decades of  compulsory, but false ' spirituality'.

Gimme old fashioned madness,  that claims little, any day... over any one claiming ' spirituality'. As i know they will be the very last peeps to know what it is...for....

To fiinsh
one day


Wednesday 19 June 2024

simplify, for surest


And quietest...

Real ...quiet

If you have beaten Siddhartha in the humility steaks....

I knew what the best birthday present would be, fully resimplify and nearly there.

Thursday 6 June 2024


 just be on the beach

And even more important, no driving, paradise is bodily not being in a dam vehicle for a month or more

and forget beetoo ..

The bees never had a chance...

Nor did Reggie

Robin day, before Beetime

 Vegetarian day, really..

Meaning to sit and watch such complex behaviour even from the little" bird" really makes one tjink,or remember

( even if beetoo  time ... i dont get it )

Bee day...or ea


6 June.

B for my body.

Which isn't bobbydiscolated.

Be ...cause.

One thing i don't know about cousin cultures, over the channel, is if they are quite so anniversary obsessed as Britain.

All my years of  tending towards European friends and loves, i never enquired of that ' difference' perhaps because it doesn't come up - anniversaryism... 

Probably it is  less a ' thing'.

In fact Poland   ( and other former soviet places?) has a totally different birthday tradition of everyone in the whole country reporting their age as the age they will reach in the year ahead, all resetting on first January.

If in Poland

29 dec 2023, " how old are you E? [ birthday 28 dec] " 

"i  am 25"

1 jan 2024

" how old are you E?"

" " I am 26"

 even though  the 26th birthday is still nearly 12 months away.

6 june... was my father's birth and death day.. 

But became a better anniversary day. No matter what any other " human" thinks.

Funny thing is pondering on a long walk

Apart from all that matters is 40 km a week..

ALL... literally all...

In fact yesteraft once again, heading out, " ugghhh... i am slowing down,  twinging a bit...... "

It is only at km 5 you realise, " nope back to full fine bodily flow... tip top strength.. finest flow" 

I figured what it is really about, it.... 

This human condition. All quite simple. 

Apart from 'class' - the endless status battle, it really is very simple, seeing as i saw old man Ralph, the ultimate toughest ruggedest  outdoors man,  my only real father person, for 7 years, tjose formative years age 11 to 18,  who i hadn't seen 15+ years,  his knees gone .. crippled, unable to get out much, still he had a real incredible   brightness to his eyes - an incredible vitality, life force...

And despite, because...  of being pure ' working class' ... but of an age when knowledge was a passion and non class issue...

He just lived to learn....  and then mentor.. . and never stop his delight in learning.

His eyes ALWAYS bright.

Despite his cloth cap.

Sunday 2 June 2024


 None of my biz.

I did my bit, for years... past region.

Friday 31 May 2024

 add in

in last

(audio  part 1 1/2 . " individualism takes from individuality... " wow thats wise! ...... meaning if you want to be ' individual' earn it by not  only ever bleeting  sheeplanguage...

clarification:   a recent " mong" ...  the knocked up mong, one of the very few  bimbos who ever occasionally communicate properly 

Her half Pak, half Kraut when i advised her 8th Oct " the only answer is mongrelising... so get dogging" 

She replied she agreed..

Mong ( rels).. is ...the pinacle of humanity...

She The Mong, really wonderfully humbly 'no statements' clad

Anyway what is this bullshit?

Your ' currency' is your crap new words ... not mine, i saw through that tyranny a decade ago.

And thus I am the loser. As your newword inhumanity, and  poncocracy won...

I am not stupid.

And i am an anachronism, meaning my paradigm remained old paradigm when a load of arroganti created ypur new self harming paradigm, like sheep to her BBQ.. you followed. Your world

And quite rightly as old paradigm i was used to earlier fairly high readership ( not bots) ... building to a cresxhendo of even 300 reads a day had fizzled out as i deserve to 50 or 100 a day....

Now we have 700 or 800 cheapskates 

But i have no audience, as atomisation means no pne has any balls to DO anything, or ever mean what they say..

Thats what my week was, reminding myself, no point ... no one simplifies anything, but i remembered...principles. Really hard to make them real out of words and ideas..

Principles. Grown ups can do "soft landings" not in this loonyland...

Maybe i grew up when 2009 one day utterly down to fumes in my vehicle, as i had been yet again for weeks... driving lass to school, stop off and buy 5 lit of diesel with last tenner,  knowing no more  even fivers for a week, but having figured every last penny for the week to come..

And looking at my change, there was £15... 

" well i never...something 'came up', paradise!"

But driving past the station later on the way back home, i had already half a dozen times  imagined the conversation the young woman may have with her boss, had... dont be a twat, when... the till, been  reconciled

" hello i drove off earlier realising you had given me too much change"

principles means always


( includes real ' journalism' so irrelvent i forget the name of the 'source', anyway she is a fake vanwoman)

# Rewriting history  is naughty

# but all stupid new words, from the 3 'a's to even using ' shopping' instead of 'groceries'  but i knew a decade ago ( the fraud of 'technology' example) ... a silly word and if we had stuck with ' machinery' for this machine,  of curcuits and motors, no one ever uses to carry on any ' friendship' so in fact its a  fraud... yes where was i ? ten years ago i reworded all ' technology'   in my life to " gizmo" shortened to " giz" 

giz has quite correct silly undertones to the sillimess it all be came

substack audio

Words. ( rewriting history). pt 1 of 1 1/2.

Words part 1 1/2, individualism, consumerism. ( there will never be a Monbiotism)


So, sleep...

 The sleep of the 'innocent'.

Even that is a twistable concept.

By the...  ' * ' 

I have no idea any more who the ' * ' are.

An " ally"  who at least spoke the truth "We watched yooze on Serbic telly and knew you gone nuts  and then i saw yoooze kids   and  knew they had inherited it..."

All kids are born innocent, and  healthy ish ... 

But sat last summer by the Gwerkian park listening...  i listen, and miss little

My last effort was near a year ago,  at Shitbucketcreek...

Then,  i wouldn't say so, but it is all one should say,  about a dull life. What do the children believe? Or have in their imaginations, humanity being far far more about ehat gets shoved into imagination by  whoever is around...

we are of the meme! And more... ( social mores, i dont even hear suposed grown ups using that simple term ... all the other newterms and three 'a's....  ... )

To hear a group of younguns, maybe 5-10,   year olds  gambolling around, ... she,  the  whicker basket... case, in her Mermware... Him, he always looks the same:  some ideal private schoolboy, with Brideshead calves, tailored shorts down to the knee,  and curls, doing ' dad' so as to streamline his tax affairs,  and of course all kids are just innocent sponges, but to listen to their joyous childplay and

 energised .. roleplay...

Our cowboys and Indians ... had become

" got you.... i got him, he was the drug dealer!"   ... " watch out the security guard is over there.. lets get him" 

 But, the ' yob' .. Effete and aside, thirty years ago,  pondering a future as part Henry Thoreau... 

A far too effete man of letters, trying so hard to come up with something revolutionary, 

but it fell  a bit flat on me.

As, it always seems to be the lowest common denominator which is the sticky swamp any utilitarian, universalist ...  should not ignore. As you get stuck in them.

If many children are so subject to roleplay  - the Gwerklets, shit tv? or i suspect computer game frenzy, from the age of shit tv, it all starting with Eastenders and the like, that is who they are in part.

I know I am a bit Swallows and Amazons ( minus any boat, ever, sadly, or maybe sanely so), and  a bit of Ring of Bright Water, with a post puberty  update into Lorna Doone...

The culture that seeps in in our childhood, does stay within.

( and no one cared that Gavin Maxwell was maybe a bit gay..... we cared for him, and his loss and hurt, felt his pain,  and  lived aside him, experiencing  eventual resilience  through grief, after  the loss of his beloved  Mijbil he had brought to real life for us, so beautifully.... ) 

But one thing i know,  is that  the  'higher',  grown up, ' culture'  encountered  in the 80s into 90s ...worked.

Killing Fields was not about  fields of skeletons, and genocide, it was about how a man

i still remember his name

Dith Pran

set an example to all people.

Stand up and be the little brown man, change

Despite it being likely, suicide

 The ' moral authority' in that superb  best of culture, rather than effete wanker Withnail

Made me then feel a spastic, 


effete wanker.

Caused ' depression'

Hurt... left me eviscerated, hollow, almost nihilistic.

There is no way i could be brave and lie it all on the line

Like the little Pran man

But all i know is a few decades on, i kindof knew from inside, what the Pran man must have felt.

But i persisted, because i had inside,  alcie Bruce's little Prsn man...

A real ' story',  no nonsense Mermyth-  real life, a really best of " human" had persisted.

But that is extreme 

even if i reckon it will, must become rather more extreme, all that Eadtender angst in a whole generation....

But guess what.

Whist slightly confused  former Soviets drift Londonistan way...

Into the void of Rupert and Camilla's  

so bright 

and sybarite and lost land 

( never mine,

 London i saw through,

 on about year two)

Those ' moral' tales,

Even in Flashdance and Dirty Dancin'


To Kill a Mocking Bird... ( as i am pacifist  and in fact giveup-on-lost-loonist, i  wouldnt even  reclaim a symbolic Miss Placed chair... "nowt as queer as folk" a kindof good yokel culture,  i had wedged into me as oldman Ralph  day after day 'wedged' the toughest to split knotty wood  and we muttered in the mizzle, about the folk around, not being like us, or having our always good cheer... )

Perhaps the 'culture' of  those decades was best there has ever been,  

perhaps it was  almost always find some principle worth taking a stand around, and if you can take that risk...


Me i am simple, one or two principles really are just simply good and worth having tried to ..?? 

Q marks as the ferkin message has got so complex, so many babel messages

( so many ... ' look at me', mycauses)

And nobody reads or replies to  those which one has pondered years... 

I have looked, and have no idea if there are more modern useful stories in the culture, as to moral compass,  and authority... without opressing newness and modern.

Surely if there is one ( yes) 'moral authority' ,  so so many times the last 7 or 8 years encountered... 

Almost all middle aged peeps i meet speak of not good sleep...

if i - deserted in themepark  Pornland .... no one ever even lifted a finger to ' village raise child' mine... even the lost bimbo who said she would ( 2022)..  can 

Shitcreek far more shittier a fundamentalist  Merm  infested hell hole than i had even imagined..  

( she had no hope escaping)

can sleep a soundest sleep... 

well.... i know who has a good life, somehow.. .

Thursday 30 May 2024

dont' taboo me, cos it was metoo

 24th May, in the morning....


The ' spectrum'. The most waste of time waffle ever as i have known for years no one wants to even attempt real talk

in audiofile downloadable too...

even if no idea why i waste a second in this utterly wonky society


( not a spaz, 

though once woz)

And as maybe 50% of the significant females  in my life the last 15 years do draw the line at any 'debate' as to spectrumism.... and i know a child ... once.

she was brainwashed for sure into thinking she was on their ' spectrum' to suit others...

Definately a new tyranny-lite; and funny thing is eventually they are all  rethought these fundamentalisms....

By which time i will have died of boredom, no grown up chat about this or anything


Wednesday 29 May 2024

All they Be came.. just a ' service econnomy'

That is one notch down from a theme park.

Neither good for the human....methinks.

In fact i had not simplified it into what is in front of my eyes many a day:

On the path...

Their S W Coastal path, not mine...i don't go on bucket list  or  fixed route and mileage  missions ...i just meander.

I am " impressed" .. there is that trap created by the metrosex casteratti!

There is no reason whatoever to have ANY opinion, precisely.

There is no ' feminine' nor manly...

75% of walkers - proper missionary marchers,  are in fact  female.

And if we take out the performative - i just think of as conurbative-neurotic - cannot be seen marching a days march without all the kit from the latest expensive kit, catalogue

It is in fact the women who are the jolly good oldschool, weather immune,practical rainwear, real walkers...

I see them. Not showing off. Just getting on with it km after km... perhaps 30 a day.. ... not moaning about the weather...  rugged, good stamina...pacing themselves well...  knowing that blisters are part of life and not any kind of performance needed thank you...

Many are in fact 30ish...

Stoical .. good  stamina... no drama

A fine version of modern real woman

No differences woman and man at all...  except the sign on the shower door. ( in and of itself decidedly British a neurosis) 

But what does one think of or term this?

One couldnt get an equal human  of the other sex, to do equal work restoring old rotting wood in the environment or just rescuind reusable wood,in the environment...

but they are quite equal -in faxt i would say better versions,  of quiet stoical trudging along any weather toughies....

Is it that ' sport' .. as they may consider walking, i never have... is exempt from ...mind games, or footstamping or wrongheaded post victorian ideas of all is  oppression or whatever excuse for coquettishness ..

I like comimg accross women walkers.We have ( many) good easy chats.They are rrlaxed and ruddy cheeked. at ease in their skin or damp kagoule or sweaty pants.. ( though always on a schedule to be there, the chats arent long enough).

Male walkers all far far too uptight and rocket fuelled ( spurt and die), and the kit is even more important to them.... i avoid....

Does everything now have to be ' i am equal to you long as it is to an approved men you....or to MY interpretation of a peasantnt dance ."...  dog owners-  real country  ones,know you must let a dog BE a dog.... and not always on the lead .. .) 

But at least i know i was not wrong, 15 or more years ago ( except for one) .. "bleedin ell... not one has ever rolled up her sleeves and done a bit if the hard sweaty work  you need to dotoo if living very very rural fringe... this is no life, for woman or man.... ohh errata there aint any wimmin left theyve all moved  away to be nearer Harvey Nicks... sportwear dept..." 

i gave up....  but at least i know i will die happy. Dying of false representation is not only against Sale of Goods act.. ( does it apply to ' services' too? i guess not or the womens prisons would be as over populated as male...) but causes you to die with deeper lines on your face and forrid...  

even the ancients had figured that one out before their trendy word ' shaman' was a blink of her bling fillled eye

wtf is a ' man'?


she - el Pog ( lish), seems to know, somehow...

I don't really know what to call her, or even what to think of her...

What i do know is that unlike almost every other woman i have be-friended with, for 10 years, in this wonky land,  except the two sweaty dungheap land-women, real women... of 2019 and 20.. ( super sexy - the REAL kind of   womanly glow .. that you cannot buy in your metrosexual bottle... nor fake in a fake dance,  for money, nor scowl, nor in any way instagram or Bookfake)

...She, ElPog, isn't frightened of a man being a man... a REAL man...

Seems to encourage it -  or at least the mental HD version of what mermaids were actually invented for... when men were still men.

And she started it.... 

In the superb existential angst of her pain and turmoil.... 

get the finger out... and get frenzied


Righty ho this is so so hard, and i shall probably fail...i know when the metros won...  

Except i am so glad i am not a ' woman' ( there being no such thing as their trendy

 ' feminine'  they ( 99%, 100% if Gwerk) all pimp and prostitute in one, as they can't countenance just a hard day of manual labour or being a cleaning lady .... i know i can state with certainty as i for the whole 00s,  20% of the time did proper real rugged he-man work outdoors up in the hills, alone, no one to call the ambulance if some accident guess what,  you learn to dance between he-human jobs so deftly you do NOT have an accident with pickaxe or chainsaw .  a real actual necessary life preserving dance... the sort  of work - ehh essential real life in rural places, a REAL   woman can do just as equally.... but in some weird emasculation, in fact that is a silly word for frankly lost bitter lost human beings with a fanny... that men need from time to time, or one is emasculated unmanned, is turned into an inhuman..

.... and i would do my daughter's laundry, drying her smalls, and brushing her hair as  diligently and very very lovingly delicately... as  any ' woman' who ... has a reason to  love a human fully ... as it's what she wants...) 

So... hmmm.... 

That word, mid 90s ...ish... 

Out of fashion now,  but what really has happened?

It just got even worse..

Except they... who were 'they'? 

Parasites, yes...  in the old days we called them in a friendly non offensive way,  fag-hags .. ...

or just silly. Celebrating ... what? 

Mentoo may do their nails...

A few nights ago.. hardly even an intelligent film.... so bleak in fact, nihilistic ...cowardly
 referenced in audio
But it disturbs, as one fact about the Krauts i discovered in the later 80s... they know what a rainy weekend holed up in a humble old hotel is for... 
they go all the way... And know what sweat if for, too...

But ... has this worldwide ano-din noisy primal scream... about nothing... turned them robot, too..

A Man, survived Auschwitz, didnt really hold a big grudge... and wrote a magnificent book; and then he wrote 3 or 4 even more magnificent books about just being...  at work, observing other men,  and women sometimes...
A real man...

What do i know?

As of 5,  maybe even 7 or 8 years ago....

Though the signs were there in metrosexual times... ( and i aint stupid, i know they won) 

Women, especially in the UK ... started to do something really really dodgy to   men... 
That is the wrong way of putting it, as a coward doesn't do something 'to' anyone ...

Maybe it was along the lines of: as the maximum of hardly even  5% of women who were ' dolly birds' in the late 70s...80s... silly coquettes done up all dolly bird with far too much makeup,  and Top Shop; too thick and self obsessed to have heard of womens' lib... did surprisingly gain traction... as i don't believe anyone is really thick, they  cleverly needed  to pull mentoo into their smelly back passage of absurd bathroom products and chemical ...well, in fact castration wouldnt be too extremist a word. .

But what we ended up with is by a few years ago,  i just couldnt believe how even in rural places .. ( ok the metro nonmen had colonised ) ...  men started to become so pathetically self indulgent and moaning...  dillettante, drama queens.... 
And no longer know the man rules...

Primo  among them, being: dont be a drama queen.
shit happens. chin up.. and its great, real actial Enlightenment,  in Western society... a bit of standard,  human of either sex may cry... the good tears when shit and loss happpens...
tearducts are   a natural state, sex irrelevent

Anyway, one day, soon.... all i know is that with the online becoming primary source of future discussion/ debate....even 'news'.

Peterson, ( UK metrosexless) Fuller,   Murray, all of them i keep a cultural critic's eye on... even their absurd bullneck Rogan....  and the Triggernomen rather subtly coquettemen... post metrosex but still with a nod...  are decidedly confused.They cannot break through any of it  with simple language

( to be continued in memoirs, i know what a man is... and some human aspects of my past i would hope a real womantoo would agree ... well the Pog seemed to....  " no way   do i subject my child to this inhuman wrongheaded crap" ...  

I see no men any more... in fact the ONLY man i hear is Meghan...
Which is a strange state of affairs. 
To be continued if  it comes

gee whizz i just became an editor! bleeping out 2 sex.... far simpler than assumed. Too late, a real man of either sex knows when it is time to die like the African who sres through the thorny thicket, to only hunger the otherside too... the coquettes  chopped off everyones balls, especially with their "femenine" bollocks... 

Well they can get finger frenzied to Eckhart's  sexless leer...
God riddance to the end of real fabulous  sexual attraction, they all became..

  .. they were too cowardly to explore, so  created a whole cast of casterrati....  herded into Fakebook clicks and  othersuch that are as artificial as the poor robots they almost all are... 

And my fault, real humabs dont send rubbish on some imaginary sex hormone gland in the head .. at first contact.
Thats the kind if thing children do to prod a hornets nest they are too fearful of approaching... 

chuck a stone in and run

Not me

Memoir-reflections  truthtalk 

Aleays being nomad, three states of  solitariness, solitude, loneliness, but a third also, copyright me, qmwhen the rest get so silly and sour ( and stupid) theres no one to be human with

Tuesday 28 May 2024

so, only a note to myself.

 No idea why.

But i sort of 

enjoy, ish..

Being a bit Proustian or maybe better put, a bit French arthouse.

Saturmorn, over that side. Of the  county

And whom is the only person i see I recognise?

The bloody shitcreekside Merm #1 !!


Walks past.

She gave me a look

My, my, a look.

All i know is near a yearago, i got a free fish 'n chips dinner out of her.

Without asking.

I never ask anyone for anything. Cos i know that is what a pukka partner is for... thats rhe deal of being human.

She has had a ' makeover' and a half...

( i am surprised, i thought pure mermism, her the most profound proponent

 was above trying to appear a supermodel, at age 52...  fair dinkum she must have a good aestheticistician- is that the latest word for the dolly bird shop?, she could get away now with 40...nothing to do with me, except this endless  obsession with looks is so sad ... i thought we got through all that decades ago... especially if a bit mermite - the good tasteful version)

Anyway all i know

Sateraft in the artscentre, only for an hour of nothing,  except plugging in.

For nothing.

All digital communication, isn't

An overheard conversation, the twentysomething bragging of " twenty shots of spirits" the night before. To her mum. Who has nothing to say

I do believe the official data is something like death by alcohol  is up 30 or 40% in the last five years.

( and  official obesity still keeps spreading ) 

My own Corbynite*  alcohol  habit of the last three decades ...i know is wonderful, but it seems one is almost completely an island... in an island that is the grape

I live in the wrong island.

* " weddings and funeralls, only,  i may have a glass ... otherwise dont need the stuff"  myself i even realised 7 or 8 years ago that if one simply has given the stuff up  almost always,  then that twice a year " sunny summer evening,  rare treat...pint of beer  early eve" ....or just once " get a bit pissed with ones only kid, just once,  as rite of passage... " fails.... it tastes kindof yuck if you just dont bother any more, so i dont bother...

And never will again.

But everyone else is in a bother about if you don't...

All i know waking clear head always, always more or less 530 or occasionally  6 or 6.30...  is just the best way to be.

Especially when you have nothing else, and Corby the last  anti neoliberal hope, got  shot in the head...

( hmm even if i dislike his style immensely Monbiot was good lastereve on how the ' neoliberals' of Fatchertimes... managed to retain neoliberalism, still, now... full on.... total neoliberal immersion.... but cleverly   removed the label from our lexicon... that is kindof cleverthink, i guess..... literally is a whole dull life.... so maybe my last audio made yesteraft is antidote, a bit...)


 How remarkable, the ( free, as they mucked me around on " admin",i was once truly good at) camera ... picks up the cuckoo call 

I had no idea if it would.

Irrelevent, as i guess no one gets the  poetical allegoricallity  ( even if not very good) in almost every word i mutter..

May as well have muttered only to myself, but at least  no one cuckooed me with false  ideologies and  isms...

That said, of course that is what humans do, 

I ain't entirely daft

But had my reasons....  I know what they were,after a good day wandering, mutteting to my  recorder.

Bugger needs bleeping  though

The old lady in her Dunlops and collie, coming along the pathway... her i trust entirely, no axe to grind ... she knows what she needs...

To be continued

only to finish it off.

As it is finished.


Monday 27 May 2024

One day



So be it, i ended up ( lateron) in the holiday camp, where no one goes on holiday..

Sat watching the towny family at the cliff, a serenest possible spot, all arguing about nothing... so much noise!


They cannot not bring their bags of  nothing

 even here

Saturday 25 May 2024

so, good lines...

 A few days ago, it- the first godlike insight,  starts and ends audio.

Not sure if i can be bothered to check and bleeep

and up load

Ethereal, guruish, expensive lifecoach menuish, nonsense, but at least my copyright aphorism is true, even if i cannot recall the truth in it, as it is visceral corporeal and bodily:

Only in  a state of full real committment, is one fully free.

( Came into my mind, before her splendid critique, aside ' our' rock,  of too much dam  choice) 

And another:

 you must own your own


Trickier to expand upon, but the losers, those whom have lost* in time perhaps 'get' it...

Especially as how other peeps often do chip away at ones personal real ' lived experience', story....

own, hold on to 

storytell to the Self

The actual one that was. 

Still is.

In my own case 

( a definate quay

to dying happily)

Dawn today or a bit after

Body clock perfectly reliable 

set to two hours before the bus

Pondering how, yes

every small shock, 

even horror

( but never horror films)

was all good.

Every moment, even in the lethal undcurrent

Of smock 

or ( non Norwegian) so called justice room

like her, did not 'traumatise' but somehow helped

Live, more alive.

Freely in fact

And i know why

real experience

( not rediculous holiday-adventure ' experience')

is the only way we really learn

And learn to understand others'

life experience that is not our own

And thus fear, less

Certainly never for a moment even have visceral real,  " exasperation" 

Even if it is the shortcut word i chose as neutralish explanation

Of how i never really 

' respond' 

or care

About others' psychodramas, to me only ever rather bizarre..


* loss.

I kindof forgot.

Did i say somewhere here


there are only 4 states of 


1 prior any actual child love/ care ongoing in ones life... neices dont count. Be ing... the one that makes real ongoing decisions for them, is caring....  parenting. All the rest, play...

2. post. if you are really that it is as if ones DNA is twisted, tweaked... one never reverts to pre childcare DNA, and it doesnt have to be your own genes

3. Pre REAL ' loss'

4. post. never again the same mind and being as in the preloss state. Usually resulting in years of  on and off  bowell-twisting ' grief'... a real thing. 

But 'loss' is not the fake Helen is for Hawk version... loss is not  of a parent more or less lived their lifespan. It is only death or total loss of child, or  beloved established partner.... 

i.e. loss of someone in ones new next generation 

now-family  unit. Ones little personal node of the herd humans must go out and form away from the origional node of them being raised.

But i guess too it can also be loss of ones many many year  partner  to.... another? I guess the same total permanent mindbody effect.

The 4 states, of course can overlap. But i know of no other  real " change" ... 

so " dm me for  ...[ it]", 

i knew, deep down, is Miss Guided.... and rather sad... as only real hell does at least weld your feet to this rather splendid's good to walk upon....

( but not enough)

Even in a swamp of endless bullshit

The End

 Jesus Christ.. what a dump of a country.

In most European lands, even midwinter, a bus at 08.00 you can set your watch, by....

Maybe it is that they dont wear watches any more but stupid computers in their wrists

( to augment ugly sunglasses and baseball caps) 

that nothing works any more... 

08.15... no traffic on the road to delay it...

Friday 24 May 2024

Mister Karat

 Really has stopped...

And mainly moved away from the sunglasses, and products,  smells of all those walkers who cannot go for a walk without hitting the products, first...

natural smell is so much more " human" and alive

Several audios to do.... 

Thursday 23 May 2024

but all i know...




even i am jealous of myself on this ultimate absurdist cliff walk... 

i hope she shows me the engine rooms

" first base here in  the Pornish wild winds .. second this one, .....all the way to the real versiin kf liminal..  where you die if you fall of the board...only real men meet the...enemy...on her terf. "

I am jealous, not being a Mong

Mongism is good. Especially here.

But forget .. now... I dont lije being stationary, really.... i had to move even if a few km only a remain TRULY ' free' ... for her...

Oh yes truly Eckhart level of wise line coming soon,  about committment and freedom... if she saw it in an Eckhart Pornish magazine or post,  the shivvers of " wow Mister Now is so beautiful in his wise aphorisms ."  would get reposted everywhere... 

so easy of course to echo a Disney character ratger than real person

xxx note to self,  dont forget it, its in audio yest v v v  sublimely guruish perfect... and copyright me, alone. . i think or just ' receive' for myself.... alone


I havent depleted, i remembered even his sir name....

I am sad though his countrywoman.... was maybe a ghost?

The first equal former Soviet...purepbred...

( referred to a few weeks ago in audio waffle) 

unlike the Mong.... whom is maybe edging ahead

we shall see

Another fake.
No principles.
My truest 2020 enjoyment...

 " ehh...can i take a picture you on Stasi duty at the alone seem to know...i have observed you...... that these 100 days of unbroken sunshine...are ACTUAL boost to immunity if you get the fuck outside in it...and get yer kit off...
 [ a year later she came to me.... purest ' they sat together in the park' outside the church... she didnt Cycle Away... she was thinking of, but turned back
my way...

lucky escape! 
a year later  all those grants she grabbed!!  via her Zoom...
for a festival of ' wellness' ...moaning about death, and periods no doubt, in expensive tents, inside   ....

 principles, means, always.  

 none of them ever seem to Bee...] ... ehhh....
. we alone, seem to"

fake chameleon ... cant decide which side to Bee...

bit like a certain person....

so bitter and angry and lined in her ... not entirely old age...  interviews.

chameleonitis, is real bad for you....
and your skin.... 
as she... left, for people...
 as real gift... no one even,  noticed ...

Pure ' bard'

 indeed...maybe proof that the culture of pure equality went up Phoebe's smelly bottom ...

it was obvious.... from the first time it went on my turntable, 1986...


is pure him.... 

I mean what an opening line of gorgeous ... 

cranked up liminal ( the REAL version not the new wank one the merms of so called  deserted island intellectuals they all eanna Bee...whom tsunami-drowned out great wordiness by stealing REAL meaning... liminal Bee in surfing in the dangerous oxygen depleted boundary layer [ an official atmospheric term] ... of who the fuck knows anything, certainly not noheart Eckhart...) 

" To fabricate redemptive boasts..." 


as only  she could do.....

 i mean... 

she predicted Hay-on-chickyshit ... no one did owt to block.... and now they feign hurt for bigbucks....

..and shitcteek Gweek-on-drugzz.... and rotting hulls ..

.... that she was not heralded by the Miszms Oh Jennies of the Rolling Stone ...and NME....

 as  " take away the groaning gravelly [ stolen by the farm by my Wye camp soon] ....  and the endless lamenting Sad Eeyed Ladies  stuck in her rotten hull...... she has his Homeric genius  wordsmithery and....  more....  she wants to make you... dance round yer livvin'  room...and live....  no matter what....even through dumpin' yer true love.... ...   she, his daughter... and jeans, 100%.... but a new better version..."

they didnt say ...  but somehow her spirit .... oppressed, underapreciated... she alone, fifty seemed to deepen and poignate  her .... Gracieate her...... and cause, a real  elder ... finest brighteye, strong backbone....woman to emerge....

"fuckem if they didnt know, i was the best if the newer kids on the block... it makes me write even better deeper songs, "


' control' freak...

  is not adequate a term for the mass mastery  of wankin' nuthin

WHY was  this shadowbanned or ghostly blocked off 

( i told her, the SENIOR  ...[ to quote LJ Wall  in his Times bossocracy  inauguration  interview " i do not disagree with recent comments by judge x that some SWs can be Maoic Stalinists " ] .. one of them... we would have been om the winners hill, but a cliff edge had to do

" they ALL wished to  accuse each other of ' control issues' 


.. then when Fakebook clicked in and they all were up all night on it sharing or reading shared bullshit rather than make original thought of their own.... they ALL accuse each other of ' narcissism' ...but none [ of my many lay legal Mackenzie befriended]  could listen to me, if i said  surely that cancells itself out... as in algebra the terms appearing... both sides..of an equation,  can be dumped... crossed out as equal... bullshit.

.. and the block button the worst anti" human" ... development, history...cos" humans" find a way of evolving through, sanely, and compromisingly intelligent technique, if  unequal feelings....  " 

so yes it was taken off the Tube... blocked 

But its back....

Pure beautiful art....

Far more messagey,   about real modern madness, cant and vanities, than dull  predictable so performative, tango...


yes,  control.. the modern pandemic....

Somehow i became immune to, being in that mode myself, or caring  if others attemp to do it to me,  in their sad lost state....

fifteen years ago....

The day

But you so see it in everything.... the bbc try and ' control' you into downloading their app...  i am app free ..

 a pure ascetic

( audio on that for her a few days ago but it needs bleeping...i think... 

i know 

too much happens in my nonlife of nothing.... sublimating myself to  maybe someone in control but they never help me.... with babes, thats the DEAL!.... babe'nbloke so hard so lets us unaided deal with that largrst of all deal breaker... i guruly   rationalise....a bit

...  but i have had enough,  i want REAL nothing! much.. except an equalish mind... to maybe just say something intelligent yo, one day... and no vudu,  nuttycutlets  ith a desert   of fruitcake  on the table... real life, SO much more interesting.....)

i aint helpmeetin'

 ... 'err.

bony ass...

She had her chance.

And i don't have Paolo's Italian problem  of not making women leading roles in his great masterpieces....( i think we can see, in their dreadful porn .. where a quick random  survey would establish, they really do do the Phoebe Waller Bridge perversion, in neurotic control measures,  of  up the bum... almost always... ) 

I make women the boss, in a healthy standard ( historiographical)  way...  if they keep the deal - two are required to tango, and you have to make it a very long dance,  training session, years sometimes.... 

which makes god only one word, committment.

But then we know she is on bad mushrooms, too the fuckwit she can Bee at times...

Not me.

I know the rules. Where the line is, no matter what


 But unlike the bossocracy, and vested interests, slurping their gravy train,   all the way to their gold plated pensions ( even Labour cannot promise to jack up - all the cash spent, on failure, and a faled model, of unsustainable, state is daddy... nope men, down the road had to be daddy... but... that's harder than goin' to the bank) i do NOT think we are all unique  individuals, i know most of us are more or less the same.. when it comes to universals, such as not enough sleep makes you unable to " manifest" even great negative thoughts...  such as " poo on his picture"


the ultimate

Must be bettered, and that line...
of hers

Is true genius

But i am truer
Whom else got one of greatest lines, into actual 
indictment against...

now, the question, the worst of answers modern life failed to answer, too much...choice, is really bad for you

which version is the really most  Paolo Sorrentino poignant and wonderfully  fuckyou... bonkers, Greatest Beautifiul
I shall have to check them all

Jesus the .... quietness of hermitude in " you can have the best there is...but"

The.... special one


Now, all "bird"brain twitterations, in the past have been to the rhythm of various stirring tunes, except for Serbian marching homoerotix...

I am a simple one, i only like " birds" ...

From now, the rhythm is ... well, not for me, the great dumping songs...

For me, hmmmm..... 

But the best or at least all must have prizes, first equal... and we didnt NEED to know the beautiful spirited all-the-way.. songsmiths actually ...desired each other... 

And were walking away  " bird" hissing at " bird" 

Great art has nuthin to do with which side of the line you come from  and perch  atop that  "boundary" of a fenve  and dtibble yer shit down, the 

chain links

fuck i am profpund today.

If only someone had realised just how orphic i am .. too.

The ' loss' ferrapissed...

 i never got pissed

( rit in the week when a few morns ago "  the amount of dead ones from the grape up 35% in 5 years"....

temeperant, ' temperance' hahh hahh

 pride, no, just....

life is so so much more wonderfully wank, the best wanks,tjose truly op ones... if like me 99.999% of dawns for two decades you awake


no grape.... 

waste in gut or head

So as to figure the likes of her unfigurable head...or just walk on, not too depleted


And so, outcomes the special notepad...