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Ralph Schism
The psychology of simplest living, via my stories of many years truly simplest living. Real ones - not earnest or pious. Ten years a landloper. Time to tell those tales, too. Ralphschism.com My permanent one home online started 22 feb 2023. Start at the beginning (first 'post' - click 'older posts' bottom right hand corner ). Themes are developed and then woven together - a series of regular essays. Some in handwriting; some audio/vid. ONLY peaceful nice content here. 07958 5263eight1
Sunday, 16 August 2026
Now...HIS questions are truly beautiful
Yestermorn in his blue top...
He not only listens, but my my he really does have the finest mind.
In fact he alone is a true work of 'art'.
Anyway the land...
Now i know, to the Lowlander, suburban drifter inner... this is a sop, a trope... something not really understood, nor actually enjoyed, even if by default preached as their journey's end. Which is not quite the right usage of sop/trope unless the real context is entirely storyfied..
Which is all i care about as it's more thrilling than Tolstoy's Resurrection (minus the last 2 pages as he also agrees) or Rachel Cusk's (only good writer in UK this century even if a splendid half breed) fabulous efforts to describe it all... and rightly leave the reader a bit unsatisfied neigh even baffled, as she knows it's almost indescribable..
But ten out of ten for attempting
I know i have eleven in my chronicles...
Ohh yes that loser and shirker Odysseus with his mere twenty year camper van trip... and pandering to the horsey fans...
And all that... he needs a challenger. Who may manage maybe even twenty five or so.... I do love my Oddessay to
absolutely NOwhere... and got there.
But back to the rest...i mean for years i really do quite enjoy the weekly dose of the mainly Abrahamic hippos and was genuinely sad that Edward Stourton 'passed' - my my how that is becoming the latest sop word for died, dead parroted, kicked count Buckethead permanently, probably of being in an office for far too much of the week.. as being outdoors all i care about keeps you staistically alive longer...
Anyway switching on and even hearing that one department of the same Abrahamic one are now wordcriming another office department next door in the same building of the People of The Book
department
(he loved my garden allegory - " i had a vision as if i am the prophet of all prophets, not for profit.... about a decade ago... my old yard just sitting pondering why all religious twats seem to dislike other religious twats.... and almost deny other departments exist!.. which does make me truly sad and i don't understand how bleak they are... 7th days decry the majority who worship sundays...etc.... so i was sat on my old sofachair with all the lovely natural weed-plants left and tended, one weedplant has that species of insects buzzin around it, the next plant a different species etc... and the plants need the insects to pollenate and give it a reason to even exist....so in reality each plant is an almost separate ecosystem evolved hand in glove ... all these different quite separate independent ecosystems in my old yard garden.... not really at all involved with each other....just being.... equally now ...
[ohh splendid even if not a summery one with all the summer 'weeds' towering here and there this, to desktop-hand, one of millions, has far deeper double entenders, soon]
"so yes... none of these plants - my parable for dodgy religions, are special or unique they're all just dotted about and a bit dotty in their ownness...
" and has happened after years of enjoying them, a baddie may just come and roundup em all to death.... but actually as i wouldnt even wish a butterfly pinching a bit of each sour and soulless nectarine flower ... any harm that wasn't part of it,...but maybe could be...I'm with you... slash and burn them all on your Youtube channel.... as you alone thrill me with your amazing intelligence Mister eco immo ..... from very Bongo bongo...")
Anyway one desk of the People of The Book office now running to Miss, or more likely Mister in that sexist pigtrough, and telling tales about hurty words of the next desk doing the same scam.... ...
i just LOVE The Sunday Programme... as it's some - just a little, of my most serene sublime homework... usually.
Saturday, 15 August 2026
So there are about seven see quences on going
But to weave them...
just a bit
HERS ten times more important than you meanies....
So, twenty years ago
" your [old man ..very..] boyfriend, said he wanted this
done that way..
you... [in your London hot pants and long leather boots on a day like today]
now say you want that,
done this way..."
Now the most comedic sketch in history
caused not by her but the so called professor, of philosophy
And stealin' chicks from Glastonbury
[god thats good i am in such a hurry none of this is ever ever aforethoughted]
my dady didnt love me so gave me away to the nanny
opps of course mummytoo...
hence even his man management just a hullabaloo
and her the hot panted, i only felt sorry for..
even if they just MUST dominate of course....
these poor sad little English ones...
and we know why don't wee.
WEAVE IN TO THE LIST..hers..
If..Lyndsay..
"no hang on..... hold the Reggie....!! he is more a quiet winterings affair..."
this is WHY you came to immo here...
when Britolin was actually the best in the world i know i meandered it ...
about how landsmen, call em gardners if you will...can either be ultra loyal no matter what, given the right Lady
or the exact opposite....
if you illusionist gibber or like Hilary Lawson take an ignorant piss over my fine work via the saddest little bird ever
Anyway we shall come to that another day...
all i care about is poetical symmetry
Almost twenty years to the half-a-year...
the biggest wanker in history - dressed up as....
doesn't have the manners to reply to his text ...
so even if just like GAZAN GENOCIDALS ITS GENERALLY BEEN ABOUT 20 PALLIES TO ONE OF THE OTHERS...
sadly it has generally been about 7:1...
of the other lot, but a man started it and a man ended it..the real reason the land died.. lying about what you want your man
to Do
"we prefer it when there's a bit 'o noise..."
,,,now...
This really WILL be unintended fun..
Forewarned
Unplanned, on this planet and astrocycle of cosmic bullshit, or the next door....
" if i tame ..HER....do i get a cup at your show...? cmonnnn.... answer.... "
But that's the epilogeue or is it periep.... (even hearing several moans about their popular peri-one of late.. live.... in action gee whizz get with the program evena few middle age ers not quite trained have admitted all a load of hot air, and rather borin'.... )
Now what's important, is that twenny years ago it started with a man even he can hardly be called one slitherin' around in his black Range Rover..
"i sat all weekend parked by the very penthouse yurts..
thinkin'...how can i havetoo some of their precious...paydirt" (real bleatin'
of a poor bloke ex Eatin... or one of them)
"and get my second home put down as a business expense..."
anyway who said 'whisper' in this one gone....
Ohh yes one who made me think of poor Nanci my favourite quietitude who faked it all her too short life she was wholesome and plenished inside and yet was so angry fuckedup bitter she died young of it
to drown out far more than a whisper....
oops wrong song google is such a deviant h
Harrisser sticking other stuff it wants to pimp in
i so need to go to Europe, to compare...
anyway the ok "savant" black man got me, yester four fourty five..
" I lived for a while just a while as they were so ridiculously boring its daft ...anmong the pukka rastamen of the Carribes.... my religion creed and transcendental diving right is to never ever pay a penny for anything ever unless i must...
and really one should sue her estate if she didn't piss it away with her dried up crocodile lack of tears
but forget all other forms of entertainment as surely..if i can do THIS.... (to be cont)
..oh well that was going too well...
start again
an "object" has failed
yankospeaking, nothing
now.. time to get profound. VERY...
Ultimately.
So ... where was I..twenny years ago
oh yes i wish no male readership ever as its only about what goes into the guss...
And you can't buy or switch them...
And only one man ever managed to get his wicked way into even the most toffy-nose snifftered one...
even if the estianddad decade on version i took the trouble to put up but god knows what taste Oggle has as it's lost it...
is better, as it has the clicks in the rather well used lp 'present' and each one has a whole valley of history innit...
right now i am just treading water
roy drownin out the laughter
durin the double backup..one hidden up in them hills.
(ohh i must do my movie of the MArch 2018 double back, up... high in a treetop..no kiddin)
But really
That's almost as good a summarise
of this sick land in disguise, prtendin' it's superiority
So often said, does it penetrate even the Russian fine head
"I shall simplify neigh precis in one para, your mistakenly adopted land: twenny eleven
Intouchables, rich paraplegic man, living a life of only pain
has earsex, and goes on to breed even more...
Jojo's Me Before, five years later
same plot; and her handsome hero, even doting paid-friend carer love
off to Zurich, and we all know he's one way, of course 'drecly to heaven
no longer possible to monetise a live on story"
oops tangent...even if said so many times...
HER equal once ... in purest artful musicality
Right that's the end.... only the nature section, now.... the real unadventurist, version....
no diversion
there was never anywhere worth adventuring, to
My ohh my even if i say it myself i wish i could have profited from my second sight shamania
i still remember that autumn avin run away from the Tw'Otters
And a load of horrid drunk pilots...
No idea what to do...
driving back to semi sanity (that evening to encounter, she who rejected
...at first, being not English later changed her finest mind)
Having some months earlier picked up some random second handcopy in some random record stall, sadly neglected
And the second i first heard her.... it stayed on loop for several hundred miles at a time.
But nobody else ever even mentioned her, never mind it....
Stupid artless Clash songs and
I thought my taste was always fringe...
but all along i was just ahead of the herd
never knew she had her own Tube account
now top of her pops, 53 mil have heard
shame they didn't know about actual enlightened culture in even Serbe... ser... Titoist places..
takes years and years to realise....
how to leapfrog
(they are the best at givin you the right kind of prod)
over who we all, formative years, were made
to Bea...
But art must also be purpose, judging
person behind even galleries one has to go a trudgin'
authentix must be one hundred percent regardless of effnix....
Even if (its impossible talkin with ANY of the butterflies for them to even take in just a smallest segment of your 'story' and just decent-human memorise
like i saw him again the bird lad of millionaires row..
And showed his mum the rare moth seen a few days ago
" i think you should keep a journal of this very street,
a few degrees plus in heat..
[even if more ways than one..] South facing cauldron of sweat and tears
mine only of joy, no fears"
she knows whom, alone took her lad just a little under the, i assume dadless, wing
Anyway how many times does ione have to say to the 'chem trail' or other lost and loony brigade..
"I adored every second of twenty ten once the first few weeks of worryin' only about one...
AND I WOULD HAVE BEEN EVEN HAPPIER IF LOCKDOWN AND OUT HAD CARRIED ON FOREVER.....
true stoppage time and time to cycle the lanes chattin' up all and sundry strays...
indeed a great 'filter'.. those majority locked themselves away
day after day
even in my actual wilderness rural region...
committing human treason
(especially on their kids, so often seen, even there)
no wish to converse, chat
"Bojo just said on even Radio one....
its a new law, meet someone..
in a country lane its now MANDATORY
to stop..and share a little of your real life story"
actually worked...
Anyway... the neuro Di-splurgent filtered out
and only the freebirds out and about
But who was it who broke the embargo?
Unlike Moanin' Eric (Clapped out has been God)
or even ranty Van-the-so-called-man
" fusck this for a gameof tin soldiers
lanyard clad, gone mad
MY PEEPS...need me.... face to face, unmasked, real bouncin' WOMAN"
Gathered.... together.... in a room
despite being rather chubbily, high risk.....
Aint Nobody.....
which one just knows....won't be on the list of BBC questions...
they can't think in even two dimensions.
Someone other had other ideas....
with an actual mindful of life between her ears....
ohhh mmmmm ggggeeee
I forgot, it's tomorrow....
Having already heard a snippet of her...
Never mind some Thin White Filanderous Duke of nothing decent and monogamous for even five ferkin minutes....
Even if with a surname like Louise Le GeeGee she would perraps have some heritage that gave access to a sane continent, of The King of it all....
And i still haven't got to the perfect page like Thommy did on photos... pissin' on every family snap, exactly.... her sat next so i could smell the chalk on her plimsoles and see the bead of one small sweat dribble down her front...
As she didn't need to say her lament
At being his prostitute, for rent,
and tax deductabletoo
I could still do with her phone number, even if about thirty five years too late
(mind you that "psychadelix" one, for a '75 junky, still looks quite funky...)
But I'm sorry.
Never mind (to use their rediculous sillyage vernacular, 'the sliding doors' moment of a lifetime)
...ohh emmm god... almighty
this crap, lifeless soulless so called inheritor of GODs ferkin ability to be floatin above any fake actual god...
Put on a fancy hat and have some fancy knobs, and no heart and you get the reason even the other lot dont want to live any more...
sorry about that even if butterflyitis is the scourge of a whole century, so back to gussets...
The moment.... when life changed and one had to admit there was a little more to taking it all seriously
And they say 'don't meet your heroes..'
Fuckin bullshit if you know who are the only two worthy of that nom de plume..
And watch em up close....
Fair dinkum you have to be able to afford a ticket to Ronnies or hustle your way in i have no recall of how...
and ok a decade younger, but still.... in that dark dungeony place... mainly inhabited by Ill sNotty lasses, secretaries to the gentry or even
MAurice Saatchis...
The kind who can NEVER ever moved, shaken, stirred...
To have seen the way how only one man ever had every single one trans-fixated
not debate
no quarter, no half measures...
Every single one needing not a milliamp
of electricity to get em damp
i bet even quite old, no booze or drugs,
he could still have had em weeping tears of pure gussjuice all over mummy's rugs
(unlike Mister Zimmerman and his "mummy's drugs" i do NOT plagiarise if i am even slightly so called poet adjacent it is quite obvious)
furthermore even if i can insta-poet rap or whatever the word, to open the lid literally 10 mins of battery left and one small thing to look up
a whole stupid splurge happens not a second to think
or even blink
(i cannot lie)
i have been crystal clear
as a Totness fake i can smell 'em near
especially here (DESPITE the great book selling rather well
in this version of a far more interesting kind of hell)
yes, POETRY DOES NOT WORK...ever...
Anyway back to doors...in she stumbles...
Just the two of us sat somewhat drunk and depressed at that Mid Manhattan really shit winter Monday evening bar
(MY adventuring 99% only into rural escape
all cities just a divine joke - mistake)
Now.... having already had a snippet,
even if by now gettin a tad rancid
" and he said...and i said...well fuck you i shall have my babies AND be the REAL Queen of soul concurrently thank you very much now crAWL BACK UNDER A STEAMIN' MADHATTED MANHOLE YOU HORRID RAT "
OOPS ACCIDENTAL CAP NO TIME TO ADJUST EVEN IF IT WAS THE ONE AND ONLY REAL BABE OF THE CENTURY TALIKN
EHH ERRATA...
Last century... and thistoo she's still got attitude even now...
in fact i do hope they have her on Babes Hour too....
Where she'll blow their very very sensetive fuse
" i got nowt to moan about.... babies and bein' a superbabe concurrently too.....
" and even around this time drunkedly wanderin in fact near crawlin into some awful Monday early mornin bar i shouldnt even be on your vile BBC
...cos this arrogant cunt of a limey...
not only did i bare my fulsome ones,
ask him to dance..... but i did just for him and his neighbour fallen asleep...
so arrogant and prejudiced
fussy about something on the offertory plate
i could weep...
well i never...
three thousand extinct suckers yesterday looking in here for succor in your too empty adventureless mean minded lives...
well....
one of many essays brewing this one TO DO .
now..ish ..
on how you inherit the earth....
not you, too... you
alone....
because there's only staying home
nobody nowhere ...keeps you....
to be cont
Now!!
i need my archive!
I am entitled to .....ehhhh even if its so much better for the actual consciousness to merely remember... just how atrocious white supremacist academe is in ....
( i can now define it, fully, even if anyone with a brain thirty years ago knew to avoid the dumbed down bullneck bovva
boy aisle so perfectly exemplified by AC Grayling so called superbrain pofessor
at their penthouse Towers if rotten ivory
of all that is modern and enlightened....
couldnt even be bothered
to read up, on better books
that poke supremest literary fun....
At him.... and his kind
That neither Oxenford nor the bridge over the Cam ... have ever heard of
So said he into my journalistic fun facts device
When the European minds knew decades ago it really was the greatest of ...well, since about that last war ..
And it aint about anything else except holding him up to scrutiny ...
but thats not interesting in the land that cannot stop butterflying around
what is, is perfect example of the exact opposite of adventuring is the only way to live...
and nowt to do with the environment
which i only include
to turn everyone away, without being so rude
as to say bugger off go away
as quite clearly there never was any point
I know why... its all rather rancid old meat in this gin joint ...
But its that 'adventuring', the ultimate thing
thats the exact opposite of ....
why one has managed to do ones thing
to be cont
now.... small 'n' as really there arent any new sentences
never mind chapters.
I love awaking always after the required 7.5 hrs.... deepest.
No prostrate piss, up the middle if the night .. no worries. And the truly best sunriseish few hours are nothing.
To ponder past present and no future. Even if there's only ever been one rather full time anti-adventure
Bleakness is gorgeous and the answer always. Nothing worth saying thinking.... perfect peaceful centredness
And then bugger them, two distractions. A two fer as they say.....
The summit crammed with the exemplars of the exact opposite of how to live...
But timely.
Friday, 14 August 2026
so .. the poor Czechy..or is it ie
pity a hard thing to man up and clarify.
It is not hard to clarify what no so called ' therapist' can even really know.
three years of London Oxfordshire most of the Home Counties comes to play .
In Swestershire infact her clientelle-on-sea
not one ever...ever ever
seems to ever even think, "gosh ' healing' my por traumatised/abused/ divergent soul ...[ pick whatevers the latest fashion] would be 100% drug free ..
never mind nothing recreational
which includes the almost compulsory
" psychadelix"
they dont even know the opiates, sleepin stuff...Youessay movie popularised xanax
all of em ... 90 percent some form or other of them they need to ....
i still dont know what
i have every reason to blot out, even at times inwardly soothe an achy leg through overuse .
Under, really
as the more you do, the far fewer twitchy muscles or even inflammations ..
a totally drug dependent on any old crutch of a so called privileged ( even tho they wont admit just that) peeps who cant even recall that moat their ancestors awoke just like me every single day...
nothing needed to get me through even five minutes of yesterday, or year....or since about nineteen ninety ..
Is.... always total clarity, and lovely
But i bet most her clients cant even admit their truth in her supertherapy
What its for, to live only ever independently
Of all such fantasy.. remedy or super druggy key to doors opening on super spirituality
of course I'm wrong, they know the one and only next more 'advanced' humanity
shes too sensible to believe exists, but, still, denial of the impossibility
of ever talking or whackin em into joyful total sobriety
is something i know a real man should only pity
Now.... as stated correctly before This chapter of a longer odyssey
than little nancy boyman and his fancy horsey Homer...
About early lasterwinter, it is a far far splendider thing .....knowing there is bo hope of any simple human affinity out here...and thus one is free merely to obtain the best arse in profile than anyone else my bouncy age just by meditatively hillwalking the extremely empty hillocks
talking splendid bollocks to myself
and you even if 75% of audios havent got here yet never mind to bot infested Substack...
but i dont have the meandering time
online
ever to ' research' anything much....
But there is a kairos time...now..
' who was she, really....?"
( hearing yet another priv ed wankersucking Faulks very very sour dick on the wireless yestereve
never believe
on word of any English says he has read a book.
( even if hark my plant in the bookshop says that Mister subversive is doing really well ... i actually am quite thrilled this means there is hope of at least a minor civil war... the Accupuncturistes.... istes i rit
vs those tired if their every dull little word of jabbiness if you even suggest maybe its all just a meme... the data being at least 30% of all curing is just through being a sheep....and thinking like the rest are connedto ( one ohh or two same meaning i guess)
so yes...1993 ..a job lot of art arrives " a buddy from Oxford in the Soviet Union.." . former if it was by then dates rarely matter . ..
But my ohh my he must have had a real second rate source at some or other museum their heritage goin out the back door to even her front room ...
i thought i should look at last....
my my thats really rather beautiful...
says he who knows what my coven of tested tempered ones ...mild tempered tempered into hardened steely ones of late....do need to do
I just knew it, the test, she would bite back, at least she is esteemed enough to untip her fangs...
But her cocreator knew as he has seen me many a morning at lower quiet atch, him gazeller landlopeing by... occasionally, briefly eye to eye....
but no need to acknowledge,
the true brother tucked up into the hedge
anyway i do have to get this spiritualistISM business down properly...
WITH actual empathy
for a. the failure of it all as one saw daily
and b. i care about their cashtoo..
Never mind that the complete and utter divorce from cause, effect, taking ANY actual responsibility
Wow the broadband connection up to the divine ones is working better than scheduled thistermorn, its a SIGNNNNNN....
NOR READY UNTIL LUNCHTIME ish....
Now.... this is the only bit you are allowed to consume, for now....
All i care about, why as of 20 years ago the environment in places where there was some, was un-lovedly...
merely that as any actual rural person knew long ago, there are a few simple stereotypes - maybe half a gang who have their stereos loud with rubbish music and their thing is magazines on whats the chunkiest noisiest motor to wank over...
then the 'country sports' brigade from the shooter to the rest of them who are even more weird in the head (audios a few days ago ) and really do want the people, culled.... sadly
Anyway in regions of THE environment - especially the 'mid' elevation lands where the catchment is and far less arable, a couple of decades ago there was a quite sane 'stereotype. of the 'Guardian Reading' saner invader from The EAst...
And even saner ones who were already there out West, on NO inherited money at all indeed with NO money and no special thing about them being only 32 and knowing the EAsterlands were full of horseshit.... as the 'new age' warped itself all rather WAttsian up your bum self obsessed dribble.......
Anyway going West, nothing in the bank nothing special in ones past to brag about as they all began to - be here (there) and endlessly going on about what they had been before..
rather than living in that moment there (And even making a living locally there)
All terribly simple - maybe at a best estimate a quarter of the peeps were oldschool nature 'lovers' who had read or glanced at CArson's Silent Spring...
And knew that theytoo needed to maybe keep an eye open for reasonable habitats being Wastelanded unnecessarily... up on the road to Craswall....
from evil little drug fiend fakery central, HAy
There needed to be even just TEN percent who may be 'nature stewards' to make FRIENDS with local habitat bovva boys and find a way ...some compromise... by befriending even if its VERY hard work over years....
And one has to be on THEIR level as they - the generation long landowners are the indigenous who just want to mine every square inch of their land for enough cash to be able to afford the same fancy 4wds the invaders invaded in...
which is a reasonable response...
that needs reasong with... by reasonable nature aware thoughtful oldschool greenery...
But then.... what actually happened is just such peeps instead began to 'invest' all their limited time in... crystalgazing, ..'save MY MY MY unplenished soul..'. naval gazing nonsense... homeopathy for even the nags....never mind "only shrooms can set you free..." . which meant, as all that fake spirituality costs a lot of dosh and time and we all only have so much free...
they no longer even had time to perform REAL necessary
"ceremony"...just when we need them....
never mind to have taken part in real actual environmental 'COMMUNITY' which actually did what it says on their monetised can
of nothing
but them
And thus, they, the traditional (over 100 years in UK) nature 'stewards' no longer had the time..or energy....to take part and even go to a planning meet re the local chicken shed invasion early naughties... which is NOT the reason for a destroyed Wye it was already underway years before.... mainly due the poor waste arrangements of the yuppie barns that had popped up all over ... they came to live
IN
so as to plot how one day they would sue for their money back...
they only stole in the first place working for some or other dodgy corp or institution... they ..TO BE CONT
And now just sue for something they never cared to DO anything about, then...
Never mind just protect the odd bit of habitat nobody would really have objected to a compromise... especially if just a small amount of funds could be injected so as to say long lease a bramble patch in the Uplands
nope.....
that's why over 20 years all your environment just lost its spirit and died... cos of them so obsessively seeking to plenish...theirs..
with nothing.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
THE REST TO FINISH..... WITH CAPTIONS ....LATER
but to reprise..only two South Western archetypes are such mad fun they are worth adding in to two decades of The Marches 'events'
left to moulder in her shed, Mrs once a sane farmer turned "white witch" when all she can go on about is nature and saving it... funny that the one who gave us the word 'gibber' even if it was her dad... was the ultimate rarest purebred example of that species...ahh i can get the exact date of when IT died from these photos.. the spirit of the land









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