So, almost two decades having in mind one word.
Even if as a very self obsessed one, and long ago forgotten, nevertheless paying homage - and rather lampooning in parallel, the lies and fakery of sadly one who for decades played at being sad. Her moggy. Begins with M.
A word that maybe can be 'home' - symbolic, to describe the whole dam thing.
Now.... as I recently attempted to describe in a long 2x mammoth (one mam= 3x Nerdudan hours ) chat - though of course one cannot expect ones interlocutor to take in and mull over the full simple meanings in all in such a long one, being geographically stuck as even if the English don't seem to think this way - a beautiful example 10 days ago of a chat where one rightly critiques the total atomisation and sharp elbowed selfishness where a simple landman cannot ever ever ever rely on ANYones word in respect of jobs stated as ongoing to be DOne - errata all critiques are prefaced by 99% or it should be 97% of them....
(gibbers / 'illusionists' = liars who promise to - SMILINGLY - the smile is important! buy that horse and will be back with the gold the next day never to be seen again; or a neighbour who may say "of course i will help you clear that fallen tree over our drive" and then come the day of the joint bigJOB chopping, mysteriously doesn't answer their doorbell - all an ancient version, even if in ancient times far rarer than the nowadays 97% default version, of what is 'people pleasing' in todays infantile lexicon..
I have only shared that word once.
Anyway.... overwhelm, and the really hard lil' nouveau infantile phrase - 'letting go' I myself have to use in shortcut language as i don't yet know what are better words for it....
zen got stolen by America and the longer i bother living especially this year, of randomish 'catch up' in life with a couple of once really important yank friends - deeply important in the life os someone - me, who 'deliberately' to quote their infant Waldenite, has always kept my friend allowance down to just a handful so as then we have the time and energy and 'space' to know them well....
The standard Lowlander 'friend' list - there is that so called technical term which is WRONG - the 'Dunbars number' of 150 is an absurdist ONLY towny thing...
I know my evolutionary biology as i had, and still have ( - saved all these years for Estelle, only.... unless it can't be saved... as the £50/month lease runs out Thursday - and every wasted second over 10 years i have inside me as it ain't my fault....though they MUST be turned into bad poetry or Turner worthy art...one day) a large collection.
And humans essentially stopped 'evolving' when agriculture was invented - the normal evolutionary forces suspended by trade, and if you actually live in stone age conditions i have - in real rural lands, although a highish tech version, you required to depend properly on just a handful of people.... and all the rest are merely people you recognise on the street going for food shopping and may smile at, and chat with occasionally, maybe even sell an old bicycle or car, to... but essentially one is monitoring them mainly for danger - will they rampage my way come the next food shortage. or heating oil cataclysm (audio a few days ago)
In fact that Dunbar number is merely a dilettante thing of bourgeois modernity - status needy people, preening their feathers and strutting around like Peacock... or hen. It's not FOR anything real....
And of course became that terrible Fakebook fakery as of nearly 20 years ago of the online 'network'... who one has absolutely no idea if theyre up all night, only, unable to sleep, and pondering becoming a dead parrot by their own hand or artisan 'maker' machinery at home...
(The whole damn swestershire in three years meandering though for long periods not going very far which is the best walking - a ten km walk back and forth the shops is best for landlope modality and pure Oracle Babe mediative purity... but unlike all them things, it works! .... yes... i have never heard in my whole life of so many Dead Parroting themselves by their own hand - loved ones children... so this is serious! and of course as even centuries ago they whacked into the great books, anyone seeking sybaritine certain pleasure and peace in some new region they run to, often on mummy's L'Oreal shares..or their stolen loot from being a Monsanto exec for some years, will never ever ever find it....and will hurt internally even more - that's if the glyphosate residue doesnt get them ! or is PAstyshire the residue of strong glyphosate sprayed all over the Cot Valley and surrounds... even if their local famous eco-warrior he just profits from his name...as eco warrior...never DID anything about that carnage..[ TO BE CONT..i have recordings from 2 years ago of his tax evading lies and scurrilous deceit - conning you the public he is a goody goody who cares - and thus gets public money as grants to show HOW he has cared........ when he cares only for one thing: rich fanny, who he can attract to his 'events' if they buy in to his very very inadequate art and become of that elite clique].... )
And ... well almost everyone doesnt sleep well, many only sleep with potions, and most are obsessed with potions to deal with their inability to afford the VERY fancy potions... in short the running away to more 'peaceful' places to restart....doesnt work.
As one knew decades ago....
Me i only relocated here for one reason... and then can't afford to relocate anywhere else, but then milder winters it has to be said one can USE if loving the outdoors one works best IN it....
Anyway... now... 16 years ago i heard someone say "exasperated" in a rather exasperating setting...
And ever since then - i know i will outlive her...
Thats what booze does to you apart from making you CARE about someone elses madness designed to damage you - the non drinker is so so so medium term care FREE the longer I non-drink life is even more of a pleasure realising that is one of the root causes of a form of madness - if kept up, where people take everything to heart... and have those 'dark thoughts' as a result of being acclimatised to the grape...
Move away from that climate entirely and you no longer live in a climate of fear - what the grape thrives on like your crappy algorithms..indeed there's a good example of the Faeries 'helping' that had never occurred to me as a fair allegory until it typed itself unthinkingly out of my fingers in a hurry due little battery...
Anyway a very abbreviated version of what ideally will be put into a few pages: so..i am a fairly chummy person and can and at times do speak with ANYone... either 'side' of a non divide - chavvy underclass(i am allowed to call them as i am the class under them) , to junky.... (the majority though they hide it) to the majority all of whom desperately need to be 'middle class' despite utterly denying they are (the bourgeois cage - shortcut words) its so laughable someone should turn it into a song - i will one day if no one beats me to it
(wow at last its WORKing 💪😗😝 - celebration i only use one emoji every 6 mths i know how to curb appetites.... - later...)
WHAT DOES 'LETTING GO' MEAN...?
And really one cannot entirely answer that unless one codifies what one needs to let go 'of'.
Now - what shall i call her? Even if i like her full name, its one of my faves...
But as ALL is universal - all is in Brave New World, and Lordly Flies... even if i catch a few temporarily, the great majority being too cowardy custard to continue just great conversation.... and thus nobody unless like him down South they hide their public money addiction behind some chummy fake mask as 'community'....
Merely The Brave...
I quickly shared with her a not-very-good example of 'it'....
my sexy readers (not YOU - my specs!) - only needed in low light
Next to a found pair just as good but make me look like EVERYTHING i know has ruined your culture... that did work, once.... ( i still often think of that in the dour film Land of The Blind - CHECK any thought of change beyond the pure self, for unintended negative consequences for others...always...as grandiose Messiahmania disorder, catches up with 99% almost always, especially if they are in The Green Party....
So if i did break the sexies, i never do...as i take care...but if i did i would feel shit inside for some time.... even me, except i have let go so much by being MADE to let go it would only nowadays be 3 minutes, not even five... before i forgot i needed to let go...
Now i have three years of collage, one day soon....from 3 years landlopeing a region - 95% in the rural places, but if one must go through their horrid towns and villages of only runaways then one thing is as sure as ferrits are ferrits, the endless signage DISPLAYING how 'let go' they are.... has failed. I have never known such unhappy, wan, dysfunctional places all over...
And of course 99% have illnesses they tell you about in the first three sentences of any new encounter ( a case study soon - the music man - his mind seemed tip top to me..... despite his moans)
Anyway DONT LOOK!
I will spoil it now..... but the effort i have had to go through - but HAPPY effort...a new inner 3 or 4 one may TRUST ....
mutual benefit
Mutual need..
to get a week at a socket, is historic.
And only for you the meanest browes in history...
But letting go means not 'all is nice' or all are nice as they are NOT.... it means going with a kind of flow...
that isn't all 'nice' but is real art...and i know nobody else does it quite so serenely so that nobody even knows my ...
Unchanged, purpose of a decade
That just got better. With nothing; only failure.
So so so many summer notes to share, and I am hundreds of video clips behind....but there's a reason - a 'negative' - VERY negative most would say..
That is more than a 'silver lining' it will mean that this winter my desk is so cleared its daft....
I wrote at least 3 years ago "complexify to simplify" and at last its shown to be true
However i am irrelevant... 100% nobody nowhere.... THE lucky one. Who had to let go bit by bit and thus has great energy as all worry around our 'needs' just steals it...
All i know is its so boring meeting those who cannot
And cannot even figure basic maths and sums and reality..
Even Klein managed to work it out a decade back, that certainly minnows like this sceptic aisle...are UNsustainable without far more sharing the real version...collaboration....
Etc...
soon..... if i ever do get one to committ
to just a bit.
There have been at least 5 or 6 fakes
the three years of late
