Now i never "define" any place or personhood as i don't really believe in anything special about any one place or person.
I do believe one has to just jump off the metaphorical cliff hand-in-hand with one ... (reading some actually intelligent 'critique' of 'soulmate' of late ... 'intellectual' 'life' can almost be summed up in how the man who popularised that very dangerous way of thinking with hos almost every other word the 's' word, also created to me The Bible in his magnificent [if a tad dated] Bridge Across Forever where Richard Bach and his and "Mary Moviestar" could ONLY protect the threatened rather natural environment around their incomer home - some previous wilderness, because they combined forces - 1 + 1= 3.. to battle off the developers with their machines and various other vices .. battle won; but it took a lot of time and shared worry and fight and your only real ally ever is the one you share your bed with...fact of nature!)
Now this is where i want to live even if i roam the paths as often as i can as over 53 ..you gotta keep moving...its amazing the 'medicine' in that...
No matter what.
As i like fixin' stuff... especially that which no one else botjhers to.... and i have NO "judgey" opinions of their omissions... only the Green PArty who can never say " two per woodburner may set an example as to how to cut emissions very quickly no need for ugly windmills everywhere except way out to sea.... cos HUMANS need to have nature undistracted even if just some of the time.. and when teachers dont even teach their kids the 'mental health'
giving health benefits to the self
of learning habits like ALWAYS turning off the lights when leaving a room, or laptops at night... no one is being taught, anything, worth while... especially as how to have genuine self 'worth'... which unlike the fake versions all 'Greens' preach, are rather valuable.... and save on the Prozac bills..."
Anyway where was i....
oh yes.....
what is this place ..?!
It is a bit ehhh.... if it is as they (the smartarses) say "all a hologram" well her nuclear powered flymo is boosting the imaginary dreamy chimera that.... there is 'meaning' or a 'deal'...
PAthwandering back at sunset once more...thoughbubbles fermenting all eve: " hmm i wish i had said rather than 'every flower matters' .. ' pollinators have crashed i heard some trustworthy sources last year sayso... so yes every single one of them critters is what it's about'..."
And as if on cue my ohh my ...
syncredent...
but i don't know WHAT to 'believe', really...
Well i do if it can be known, but with so many other BAbel-like versions ongoing all around everywhere ..how do we /'simplify'?
Some simple universal ideas about genuine 'sustainability'...all my dull life i hear the naked Emperors complicating it all and making it about some 'other'... nobody but them.
Ms Chowns (public figure ..extreme fake i knew) of course wouldn't 'get' " ehhh... Ellie ... vv expensive new super ruberised saddlebags i see.... to peddle back and forth to your de facto gated rich yuppie 'community'... " one doesnt want to ever ever point any finger i am not like that but how does one write in such a way that the universal cant and vanity bubbles to the top without ever sticking in real actual endless data and sadly the human condition is gossip, not me... i jhad no idea how much in the non MArcher Lands....
and gossip requires some 'identity' its all they ever ..make up for gods sake...
oh well.... i know i will figure a way..
At some Point.
All i know is it is quite quite astounding how conformist people became.
In the early 80s and 90s there was a genuine great movement to look for usefully diverse identity, because most knew...i mean for gods sake The Goddess wrote Silent Spring in 1962.... some kind of resetting towards actual 'sustainability'. Which DOES in fact mean useful ergonomicalisation into reducing 'choice' - like just one brand of wellies that didnt wear out after 6 months, lasted, and reduced overall waste, but then its compulsory to have all those different colours for your once-a-year Glastonbury..
(i got pages on that one day they will be rit)
so sustainability is in fact a tad Commie .. the 'good' part of commie... you cannot get away from that
All this everyone has their own 'style' and look ..
well its exhausting for them, why they have so little time to DO anything... to actually protect their rivers etc...
I know as wandering Ancient Marriner type with great vision, that all i ever see, in their compulsory 'diversity' (of look and brand of cowboy hat, etc), all i see is extreme conformity.
Oh yes i am meant to be pondering 'home', "homecoming" and i know exactly what it is: "saudade is not finished" means geography is irrelevant there being so so few who dare in any geography i know as i have looked ...dare to tell truths
(my hobby is collecting them, and they are as rare as the absurd 'collectable' https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-cornwall-66187273 childrens' toys that pollute her childhood seas...)
"homecoming" is merely a few people who may just talk a bit of truth... simple truths folk were not fearful of in my youngerman days... in fact it was honourable and lofty to speak some actual truth...
And the truth is this plague of conformity has infected ..nearly....everyone... absurdistly via their endless need to present some unique and completely one-off 'self'... especially down here ...
Too busy trying to be 'different' you don't have enough time to be anything real... that in fact is.
That's a rather good little Yogi teal label...
Splendid, as i need to write properly now...
Several such magnificent coincidences even if Ms Paradise Queen of them all I guess... though in fact (full) paradise is unattainable and thus the correct version of saudade is that you can battle to get a BIT of what one "nostalgically" yearns for .... back... a bit
(unlike DEAD language welsh 'hiraeth' which is DEAD ..gone..no more.... it died in the bottom of a pisshead's lager glass ... which is the ACTUAL not-myth version of Wales that's a truth i knew from actual non-tourist livin' there in the land of the dead..amazing how in 2020 also so many women were required to revert to 'type' ... " luv... ... crisis.. man and wife gotta be in it together now all we got....i gotta be out now huntin most days for how we get through this... [ down the layby watchin phone porn, half of em]... you gonna have to stay home do the washin and cookin' ..Miss Oh Jenny...[all over i know as i meandered and discovered]..." . )
saudade ... is in fact a bit o' Paradise Regained...
a bit
a small Point jutting out from the rest of the turgid swamp...
But you have to have meandered the Lost .. and pointless..
to know WHAT the unfinished project is and what is worthwhile getting 'back'...
I do.
And that i think is in fact 'home'.... even if its so perverted, especially if mummy by her aga was as self centred as mine...
So ...home.... is word i rarely use. I only had one, ever, and only one fellow householder - a best ever preteen .. that really is 'home' to me: Where the love, works...
