The 'n' word

yestermorn. But  i do not travelogue-diarise -  in fact i don't travel i merely lurk,  or timestamp for any reason other than just now and again ... in fact only twice, maybe for five years... I am inspired. I hate that word....  because it is about "fermentation"  even if this whole bollocks Bootshire place is the last place on earth where "place"  can inspire "literature" all most of em inspired by is a six pack of Asda lager, fermented only overnight the cheapness of everything (except fellow tramp, Ms CB - the only other rich one) ..

I have never known such a cheap, overpriced, whole region...

Except for just a few slightly less in-the-way places as long as the weather isn't too good (i should go around the corner to the childhood  escapism beach)

Anyway i cannot write  - nowhere to sit warmish and undisturbed...

But i know

I have lived - embodied,  existed, the opposite (well not really but the English language is so sugar-psychodrama performative-maudlin, and  i think rotten-teeth, since, just about the time of kicking out her Genesis  and trying to be Silas modernity.) of "nostalgia"

Saudade has to be lived. You have to experience  the miracle when it comes and sits next to you.   . it has fermented for years and you know what are the not-so-hearty brews; the real thing cannot be described. As it is different. 

 .      

The fermentation hadn't taken place until yestereve when i realised " you will like that word i think"  if it were a universe where Paradise woz fullfillable  i would have known already " because it describes  you"

meanwhile its so noticeable that no one stands and "what is life if full of care no time to stand and stare"

 and smell...

A month earlier at least than past regions....  the prostitutes' Johns can john around all day for all i care...

I know the only 'experiences'  worth selling myself  for, no charge...

The scent of real summer here for real.

 

ok waffle waffle but i do know one thing... I have avoided - not 'denial' mere avoidance,  one actually unfulfillable beauty  that is a sorrowful series of Sublimes but the nett effect is to be uncretinated...

(ifr only one had enough time to show)

I have to write it all out properly.....somehow.

And in non-elitist words like 'saudade' now i have lived precisely in the 'moment' of exactly what it means (you wont find online.... yet) 

In fact just writing the... that..... is in fact a perfect "study in saudade" 

(not me i kindof stayed constant enough most of my own adulthood ...i am just the observer... listener...  and nothing is geographic, in definition or DNA  we're all the same.... the simple recipe for what to Be hasnt changed much

It's just so rare to encounter.