....now if anyone even a few years ago had said to me, as i said to her, then... that
" well 'tused to be that most days you awoke mojo 105% .. and a rare 95.."... as was that winter - the one three back, we were up all night having "mammoths"... her wonderful word... of course the tragedy just like when a man doesnt know his worth (audio before last of the last one i can't recall despite truly good memory...) her use of the language only ever magnificent.....despite self-brainwashing, ever her lithe and fabulously hooknosed self that she's somehow ..lacking... bu then i know who's fault it is all them Ruperts and Rafes and all the rest of the thickhead Britolite schoolboys around HAtesville on shitty creek who wouldnt know beautiful expression if it came and smashed a whole in the keel of their absurd pirate boats ...as they had girlfriends from Cheltenham who thought Wutherin' Heights was the height of it.... when it was merely posh Eastenders for sugar addicted young Debs ...
"but now its always 105... no matter what.." i would say "dont be a utopian mad person like all these frauds of their world of 'toxic positivity' [ i will find the link to that book again soon even if we walked past it yesterdusk]... ... I'm the most utopian fool ever extant but there's a line...."
Anyway i have only one OTHER regret to https://www.simonclayton2020.com/2025/11/who-on-earth-are-you.html
which is that asking Former Sovs - one and a half... being the half her buddy maybe ... " so we all know about The Painted Bird... by a truly revolutionary and simply genius Polish writer clearly with a heart, who did change the Western 'counterculture' a little... many called it their bible back in the day .. early 80s... so that has 'roadtrip' format ... but do other, say Balkan cultures - their books and films, have the road trip as metaphorical model...for of course exploring whats back home and inside the homebirds..?" and sadly all i got was a sulk....
But i would still like to know.
Now the ONLY thing that matters daily is quiet.... and i have my territories perfectly mapped out...
how ever....
ohh yes the only other thing that matters is i didnt even get it in yesteraft, or morning " as Neruda so wisely said a conversation does not begin until we have been speaking for at least an hour.."
I know the afterone would have smiled a true sincere smile had i done that usual hatecrime
line
(to the ubiquitous "im so so so busy" English...) of a sentence on her...
And the way she filled me up I'm STILL in a terrible 110% mojo state
which is akin to 'love' as i am very very very prejudicial on that one - what it is
(prejudice to continue soon so many are in 'drafts' still to add to a bit then [press publish even if theres no point.. except my mojo which i was able to share at last with ONE worth it... " get doin' a Pru..." i know she listened...and i hope she will...and i never lie " road trip to go get you a wild handsome Peruvian mountainman ...or even finer smiley Bolivian bloke... and in return you can ...[censored due potential ...well i know she would... and surprise must be the element...] )"
Anyway....
now as i meander ... as she said " i just speak with anyone i meet.." what a perfect one! And you can see the cure in her eyes...
For a decade nearly...
I say " one third of the time i do causes - EU and eco the last 13 years almost full time, one third of the time he-human jobs, tough outdoorsy NO safety equipment outdoors work any human can do but the women dont any more, they waste their energy on showoffnags or nagging but never help the bloke hold the post as he's whacking in HER horse's fenceposts... one third of the time i try to write let-go fullsomely.. one third of the time time to walk and even be at the sea where the quiet coves are... but as regards items 1 2 and 4.... obviously a play on words no English can get any more (as we let the yanks in having SO much power - soft power on our radio - radio 4 must now be almost 50% YANK SMUG EXPERT CONTENT ALMOST ALL FEMALE.. acc cap even if it needs to be as really i have catalogued 15 years of this, their creeping in*..and running the schools even... and yanks cant allow words that may require one to have to think as their only setting is if there isnt an immediate two faced false smile the interlocutor must be so hostile they need actually shooting... when a real human knows its the opposite...)
Anyway ... just in case i get shot now i have infact most unusually given my url to three wonderful women in 36 hrs... all as seemingly wonderful communicants and ... god only knows what
only one i didn't say " please i am VERY VERY quiet and keep only to myself and what i may write has NOTHING to do with anywhere local at all... but ignorant morons will assume its about them so my pages are just for you.."
And me not saying that to her is obviously the greatest compliment in that for some reason i felt she was.. the sweetest smiley human and totally trustworthy..
probably wrong ohh well...
Anyway i have little interest in this country as even ten years ago none would understand the following.
(the Pru-fan one i so adore in every way we even hugged reminded me - and its NOT her 'fault' it merely is change..)
SO a decade ago as per the Pru-fan, even if she needs a much better nickname in my head as i give everyone just friendly knicker ones... which she full well knows is: the most fabulous sex bomb of a 70plus year old ever ever ever extant... no matter what her accent.. reminded me yes of something .. that is literally everything.
A decade ago like her i walked and walked .. but for 30 years deliberately quite aside from the Prus and fans and most peeps... so few to speak with.
If i did my normal thrice weekly 10km+ circuit up to Herrock Hill via sheepwalk [valley] nobody... maybe once a year the mass exterminator badger killers (i would discover in 2020) would be seen at their no-planning permission woodland cabin... just aside sheepwalk hidden in the woods... so the Audis didnt glint and give them away...
Anyway ... sheepwalk has three largeish semi-natural (sort of bolstered by add on bits of damn over the centuries) many decade old lakes ....
Liars often called Rupert Martha or other ex private schoolgirl names like that who con radio 4 they are homey and au naturelle get on wireless 4 to tell you lies " my little grassroots nature saviour scheme is so successful.."
The purpose is only to be in the media saying these things..(as i told her she laughed).. as the data confirms: only gradual decline the last decade accelerating of bird life.. vertebrates just as bad.. 65 maybe 70% all gone in the last 50 years...
Rupe Marth Cammie all failed...
One of the major litmus testers is herons.. go and speak as i did in 2010 with lovely TRULY tight old couple Chris and Rchel who quad around together still in love as they have a hobby of FIGHTING also for the rights of nature not to be shot by hooray Henrys on adjoining land...
Anyway as he said to me (lifelong but very worldly farmer of upper Llanigon in theory away from the invading Henries below)
" twenty years ago if i walked up to my higher fields at dawn there would be at least ten heron sneaking a quick fishing session at the brook that is one side of my fields... the last decade i rarely even see one.."
FACT
i trust Chris and Rachel as she also holds him to account not to bullshit which is what a helpmeet is for... and vice is versa..
ANyway ff me up sheepwalk i would notice from about 1km the one and sometimes two heron that clearly lived there would spy me (they are so so second sight - the REAL 'animal spirit' version that keeps them alive - when mad false shamaniac so called nature loving fat townies invade their hills and leave bits of toxic plastic cauldron all over the place..) " buggers its as if they have radar vision... immune to even my not very red indian stalking..."
Anyway feeling sorry for myself just a bit over the years though never showing it or EVER saying so... i neglect THEIR needs. The way nature and evolution works (even in small false 'nature' loving smalltowns like Hay in wild places the babes mainly run off to be closer to Harvey's Knicks....so its at least several blokes per available fanny ... which causes sourness and sadness maybe even Gayness? ) is rules of resources ...
available fishies when undisturbed by nasty 2 legs.... hardly any
" wow its my lucky day i know i am going to die tonight of malnutrition if i dont spear that one minnow left in sheepwalk lake..."
ff a few mins
" but two legs is more likely to kill me- i see him yonder he thinks he's sneaking round me but im cleverer... so i better bolt into the blue and safety.."
Its last thought as it later that morn died of malnutrition
BECAUSE OF ME
nobody else, me
as i already knew how perilous their plight waseth... but my own justified self sorrow stopped me remembering ..always means most of the time
so... gradually over several years of (i never use the word 'healing' from nothing but mad torture of mad people...i start to think of others not just my own sorrow and most days would skirt well around The Heronry... as no matter how much i adore them and their squawk... they dont adore me... for good reason
(ohh yes wow i forgot about the v v arty photos of the dead one here i think maybe not.....soon.._)
Anyway its the same with...
Now as of 7 or 8 years ago EVEN in my extremely almost wilderness place i chose to be occasionally a Rupert would be around with his drone.. i mean once a year.. i lived in a region by choice of as close to wilderness Woodlanders romantic hermitude and peace and nature as is possible...
But even there one day Henry sent his drone nosing around..
Now to THINK and be philosophical one needs to be partly free of distraction especially if one wishes to write a tract to show up how the fat so called nature lovers who invaded but usually they run away crying back to Wolverhampton or Cheltenham (main base for hookers in W Midlands..maybe not a coincidence)
...and know what nature is: NOTHING... endless amazing David Att type fabulous complexity..but nothing... we may learn from as we have complex language unless English privo school ed... which caused a cultural construct which is in almost all instances stronger a force than most basic evolutionary forces..
In other words some fat bluehair says " i am saving the River Arrow.." in an age when one cannot say " ehh so is your chemical hairdye part of that saving, grace you also say you have..." even VERY nicely as i said to the true beauty yesterlunchtime but NICELY i like her..!! they spend the rest of life thinking of how to get you arrested...
nature does little to assist knowing how to be...human..and i know as i have spent years communing with it alone in wild places...
ANyway back to what matters - as maybe just one fable/metaphor..
Yes there were genuinely innocent times and nobody should go back years and whip their own arses (what the hookers of london say is the main request from English public schoolboys - i did a chronicling period with a few of them a couple of decades back when i decided " no way ever touch an English oner again.." as she yesteraft agreed with me"!.. incidentally meeting the most honourable woman by far i have ever known.. Jasmine..i will never forget her truth and honest honourability...she did prove was not just words.. the last time we met maybe 17ish years ago.. " god....you!! fuck me! ohh yes later..... what an absurd coincidence its been years.... ive just been tellin the last client, about the first time we met that so perfect lovely afternoon when...[ story more valuable than Antigone and Sophoclese put together] and we laughed so...".)
...yes so i only accidentally had anything to do with machinery as a young man ACCIDENTALLY... nothing else to do went to crop sprayer school in South Island NZ when we didnt know it was truly apocryphal but never took that up properly (too dangerous in fact - death wish stuff!) so ended up Banararamaing around in small charter planes instead and humanitarian heart transplant etc..
i AM the only pilot EVER in the world ever to have handed back my commercial license
... when my daughter was born and only because i knew a parent would never want to away for even 5 minutes from where their kid is if real parent and also i knew that higher fuel consumption per person of smaller planes meant that whole thing incompatible with her future... period. THE END
even if slightly allegorical in the way i may say that in shortcut language i just didnt renew things never got in one again and second best decision of life ever
Anyway to the point - not really 'privileged' at all as it was a funny old world of honour in fact and most pilots - 99% in fact... were from pretty humble background... a career a bit like professional birwatching...and most pilots just as socially inadequate...
But if you have something that buzzes along at a few hundred miles per hr and do in fact as charter pilots (fancy taxis) do especially if delivering parcels, have many 'dead legs' - empty plane, then theres always the temptation if over lovely remote places at dawn as the sunrises alone coffee and fag and a bit of Barbie on in the walkman..
to drop down and skim...
and yes its the second most exhilarating and being part OF nature thing one can do... belting along atop sanddunes or treetop at 2 or 300 mph...
I did it a lot....
all over the world....
around extinct volcanoes in the very nasty drug addled [whiteman i mean] West Indies... Alps..Pyrenees all over..
Northumberland one of my fave places - the Cheviots...
But that was then... when there werent many planes and far fewer of them would get off the beaten track.. most were neurophobes who were too scared to leave official 'airways'..me i lived only to NOT be in the airways
And i am quite sure someone dawn walking in woodland or even the one time only i buzzed a girlfriends country pad her neighbours would have been
almost enlivened by seeing such a curiosity above...maybe once a year at most
As her... my my i am jealous to have been in small spotter plane low down on THE NAMIB...all my life the ultimate dream...
THE one place i wanted to go..
But its almost as if she had been there for me...
And not just growing up but in fact being human is a changing cultural construct that the Ruperts and Cammys... now will never know about: " i stopped... if someone gave me a free learjet and the whole of Namibia now for a whole day to play in lowdown ...i would not.... not even if...[other one and only dream]... no... yes.... i was lucky not that we knew then....i could do that when there were so few of us it was no real disturbance to the quiet country lovers ... but now the S coast of Cornwall just one example is ruined by hundreds of Ruperts with their fucking drones... entirely unable to think of other humans.... and yes the girls are on that gig too now every vanwoman filming herself gotta be in a WILD place from her drone... saying NOTHING!...stop.... even i did.... yes i had a turn but sorry..it was just a twist of time..fate...if you all do it now theres no nature or wild left ever again... "
Not one now....could even understand (so its over as even thisterdawn proves so so quiet,a byroad....a mad woman testing her rally vehicle with a convoy of accompanying vans so loudly for hours!..back and forth full throttle.of course she is entitled..of course...she has a 100 grand special version and special rally stickers.. she will likely be planning or training for some special 'charity' challenge across a desert that doesnt need her to challenge it to shut the fuck up as its always quiet.....of course she is entitled i am sure the few houses along her route this morning - well at least a dozen spear out into the hills ....all say as the selfish cunt awakes them all from 630ish ...and if any local sees i have written this as her team doubtless spend hundreds in the local pubs theyll stab my types at best... thats what the countryside became... their hooray Henrietta even now.. playground and they dont even know that noise and antisocial behaviour ....doesnt just come from underclasses in council houses... )
BUt i know she would
right SUCH a diversion so many draft bits to get back to for here now no more wonderful diversions...!!
full time ignoring everyone..they ignore me even when obviously suggested to them " i DO of course have so many stories for you to turn into magga bucks art attacking the rich peeps who fuck the environment far more per peep than the paupers....... and you can have them all for...free... "
*
