lying little toe rags -
It may well be - it is the case, that this little not that original essaylet - handwritten at end of tghis page post, in pictures, IS all i care about, because i wished to mean what i said... no matter what.
And at last got there!
yes..
now
today
this afternoon after lunchtime harbourside nap (most pay 100 quid a day, plus, for this location hahh hahh)
Far more important than five sad emails. All emails are sad. Only meeting people in person is not - wonderful patchouli smelling one today with her flowery spikeys - and my spikey was marching over her spikeys...and we laughed.. we all laughed... a true human moment
.... Only because he - Bilbo, has so relaxed now.... must have been sick - a belly full of grub and he is now in fine fettle...
relaxed
....i got to see
willy.
So they Google lie - me thinking, not that i want ANY email - voices tell a bit of truth....no screen communications ever do - except that the 'communicant, cannot.
oooh thats poetical.
Flow today!
Even if i am meant to be on much needed
holiday.
So i have a nagging little naggery in back of my head
"buggery... thats a pain... !
(this site operating on 15 gb free google drive..is full...as are emails ... what if she were dying of woodrot... and as a last gasp having changed her mind...sent one!?...it may get rejected by the server! as my store is full so THEY
SAY
... thats what theyve been nagging me telling me is so... [thats just a joke! - impossible, sick mind of mine - woman changes mind...] ) ... no space left here must make changes...."
And now i see ... loads of space!
could get 5000 more sad emails.
they lie
no worry now
15 years 99.99% of personal emails are always sad...especially when families stupidly war... hurt children...my PAST life...
always evasion...always misplaced control - the emailer only inmagining control...anyway none of my business i only ever send ANY digital message as an invitation to come and take a stroll...meet a hedge...or swim in the sea...
push me into Loe Bar if necessary
so.... super quick,
here it is...
i have loads of these series of photos- far more fun ones preparing for this move... here..
(not here i hate this, today, theme park, 'here' - i am told owned by one unpleasant man.)
and ones - photo series, with fables - i know i am good at fables. woven in...been doing that for 10 years (BECAUSE i learned to see silver lining in everything - super simple gives 'space' for them to be visible... always, even if many take a long time to solidify into a certain defined visible or livable or bodilyable end product)
no (battery) time to curate photos...
7am today
so little to resort and store and just ever so slightly re-position for perfect flow..(within vehicle, but i only am within to sleep or jot sometimes otherwise mainly out - SO SO good forced to be out..)
.jpg)
but give up....no one can ever imagine what one 'lives' whist writing and wishes to share... people just assume - people make the mistake of assuming someone is them - who they are inside... ( so often one realises this in time)
not me... I am not frightened of anyone and i know i am the least dangerous person in the country...
Meanwhile - this silver lining thing...and the absolute horrible default thing of everyone in UK to wish another arrested or 'punished'.
THE greatest silver lining story of all - i could be VERY rich if i published this one...with fullest audio..
real scary crime in action superb audio
i was pondering on the today walk.
But i won't.
I don't do fools and cheap clicks. I do grown ups, only
Briefest real life most abbreviated details... 2017 autumn, fascist rudest publican in world (i met often waddling hills) extremely rich person pub in Westest Herefordshire sacks two staff. I hade met them a few times in charity shop earlier that summer. Romanian and Bulgarian. Couple.
Live in. Saw them in the street - road in middle of nowhere near where i lived in fact. Stop..chat... hear their plight (not a plight they had money but... they are 'travellers'...i am old school. The traveller must always be looked after
Offer bedroom. accepted. Lots luggage. And by the time we go through one hour of all the millions of body lotions they must apply just to...whatever... smelling like...(i use no products ever - one thimble full of soap a week enough...nothing else..for years... think of the cash i save!!!)...
ready for wander..i lived in old 'secret garden' nature paradise 8 years...
so take them on walk... fields around my old place
.... famous magic mushroom growing region... but truly evil nastiest farmer ever (otter killer) owns the land around...
..paths through fields...
so Bulgarian starts taking a LOT of interest..(ohhh no what have i done now i thought they were ok..we had had many philosophical talks...)
" please...i am not judging... but i have lived here 8 years... i cannot judge your magic mushroom guzzling it now seems you are an aficionado of ..
[ "hundreds of times a year my friend..i am superman from it " - and many refs to DULL CRAP science he has online about the 'benefits'....].. it is not my place... but it is technically illegal to pick them...THIS FARMER keeps vigil..literally..i have been many walks here and i know he is in woodland with his guns and binoculars.. you CANNOT divert off the path please....and OTHERS come for the same reason...THEY dare not so please do not, you...[of course all drug users become narcissistic so a waste of time explaining that OTHER humans also do what he wishes, and fail] . if you must come back after dark and get some then... now its just not on...and he will take it out on me - he is very hateful of all drug use anyway he will enjoy making trouble for me..he knows i dont get the mushrooms but even seeing me with someone who does he will declare war on me via nasty made up stories....."
over the course of the afternoon repeated calmly and nicely in front of his absurdly intelligent Romanian wonderful girlfriend... both late 20s...
Long story short, within an hour this big fucker - on steroids as well probably like yes almost all are.. has me pinned to a wall metal bar at my throat having several times smashed me ... violent serious assault - 16 or 7 cm taller than me , 15 kg at least heavier...
and then spends the next half hour screaming what he is going to do - how he will kill me...
even the quiet bits were loud enough for the recorder left on on a shelf to fully pick up...
threats to kill is about 3 years when so brutal... plus GBH.. bruises next day.. maybe 5 or 6..i=years in total..porridge
... but i am authentic. Not only do i know that the endless circle of litigiousness only causes more endless spirals of harm.....it would do little good. And certainly not help her.. she told me later when he had screamed out of the property that he gets anger fits often... due the so fuckin Ayahuasca trendy mind expanding...drugs...
not my buusiness...my only business should i have him nicked to protect others?
but i knew he would just reek revenge other ways....send the cousins over one day... no coippers could protect me...and...hmmm???
but its not that....its just that we must stop.
That sounds wankish... hard...
rather not reconsider...
(except he...works.... in an oldfolks nursing home... they did a lot of that - thats what delightful UK is ...thats what you end up with in a society that doesnt look after its own oldies... actual official psychos...cleaning your bum... )
but anyway... what silver lining could be in that?
due the geographical layout the property had he wished to carry through the grizzly threats (made in front of his truelove, so i assumed due absurd Central European Rambo-macho pride - 99% of CE men i ever met DO suffer from...rather badly... he in fact likely would follow up..) he could wait in many dark corners as i was in and out..i would not see him until the pick axe (from my own yard he had held at my neck) was lodged down into my heart - one of the sweet promises...
actual fear.. a week i dared not go out..curtains drawnstay quiet ...
or if so - go out, only into (my walled) yard in daylight when people around like postman or bins.... .. and out to motor parked outside only if i saw other underclass loons (most druggies too) occasionally out of their caves around my property ... for safety
But... Oct 2017... enforced in fact two week staycation.. really pretty freaked at first..(and in last 6 mths of No NAZI health service did nothing...except lose samples of piss...etc)
forced me to get to various paperwork and other organisation...long long being put off - apply for new debit card or two if possibly argue some new credit with banks... just juggle this and that... set myself up for the next period of life... repack bags.. sort travel gear...a LOT - 2 week full time super sort out...simplify rationalise..
at the end of which i said to myself one morning...
"hmmmm...a few weeks ago there was no way on earth i could have...afforded/ been organised to.... had time to, research cheapest travel insurance... cheapest flights now worked out to the second - i know exactly when i have to log on - i have learned the system that took days......to get best deal off lastminute.com... but... now i see...if i really do want to...if i am going to risk it...all or nothing....months i pondered this plan...
"months i knew i couldn't afford and couldn't be organised enough...
"but bugger me... i just could...
"tight....but thank you mister attempted murderer.. [name still in my blower]... only because of this 2 weeks...i CAN...!!!!!!"
And had the only truly life changing happy (well nothing is 100% happy :-) foreign trip across the other side of the world...in my whole life! By far!!!
That still vibrates within as the true paradise on this earth...i spent a few weeks in.... that has in fact kept me going, too - meeting so many truly authentic brave and superb people... especially the local women (no tourists or hardly any)
never mind dozens of actual Joan (Baez if you must scan..my only 'perfect woman' ) lookalikes...
just as alike in spirit as the real thing..
Boliv...eee ...ahhh.. which had a successful anti Yankee coup taking back control (from them) 2021 no one else even noticed..
and i even got to have my dream...
be in an itzy witzy little bit of a revolution..December 2017....or very revolutionary march with real big muvva machine guns pointed at us...... under flying flags of Che... even if me a pacifist... with a whole HERD of Joan lookalikes...
i mean ten wet dreams come true!
i mean ...every second after that has been a bonus...
paradise found - and i am not exaggerating it would have never happened... (nor would i have last seen my lass...there..... even more a bonus!)
due... a sad man with a bad drug prob pretending as they all now do from Harris to the Gw**k [not worth identifying - so so so like all the rest of these awful pretend bohemians on parents money] lot preach... psychedelics ...help...
i think not
who anyone else would have enjoyed having 'justice' done...to..
i think i know what living justice REALLY..is
'bodily'... bullshit
its growing up and being a man...and a woman too
never mind the small possibilty she nay have persuaded him.. be a man...offer to shake hands say sorry...closeure... a few weeks later when i did see them in the town...
of course his drugs and spitual russell brand of godly lsycho awareness made him know he was too good for that
and moving ON
not stuck
