Tuesday 5 March 2024

authenticty, revisited

 ... ' authentic' a tough old

 " bird"

of a word.

Riffed upon in ' valentine' .. 10ish feb? ish...

But talk about an amusing, but .... maybe as important, variant.

There i am whittering i to my audio recorder at 06.00 ...

I didnt realise but there was one last postscript, to 3 or 4,  from the last 5 days, to publish...

weave into a whole.

And the postscript was  in fact the real start: my years-  in fact 15 ... as actual real  

' refugee'.

I was refugee in Zagreb in a time shortly before their war; in the Pyrennees, in  backwater Spain. My  life from age 17 was wanderer...

 stayawayist... stayasidist...and certainly dont stay here

And the kraut, 45,walking for a month alone, shetoo demanded: " i am part time signalwoman on 1200 euros a month! ... 50 year old Mercedes van back home.... the prices of out of season b+b in Pastyland are criminal!.."  ( " let me assist unlike all the rest i lnow the rules of the  real budget even hungry teaveller, or refugee... i shall recce caves and tentspots for you... if you feel fit enough to carry on we are ships passing in the dusk now... or if you need any caves i find find me here later...you know i will be there being we are the samr")

Reminded me of  how quite often for 15 years i would be meandering all sorts od European and antipodean backwaters...often enough actually hungry... rarely well nourished, never in any luxury or comfort..ALWAYS avoiding the just nascent 

 "institution" of the boozy adventure traveller groupings ... me and my ghostly band of hermitude seeking backpack wanderers  we always sought the pension  backshed bed in the backwaters  aside... the popular ' hostels' or often rough sleeping in dunes or woods ( before vomit covered language such as ' wild camping' arose)

We did not have easy runaway passports back 'home '... infact 200km from  a small airport, and anyway, the budget fair all we could afford, would require a month pre booking.. and prior to even that a major logistical operation - getting into some citycentre  booking booth station,  there would be,  figuring economy subistance rations, before the time ( later 90s) of fairly ubiquitous cheap supermarkets to keep you going.

Stuck in Zagreb, or Pula 1990... no cheap food around... extremely limited b+b and none cheap... ofyen roughsleep or tough circs...  unless one really lucked out. .

No 'culture' ( in former Soviet states) of a couch for a western wanderer... it often  was a matter of genuine ' fear' if it went wrong.. 

And... there is a tyranny 10 years...of BBC ... mythologising the ' refugee' ... for THEIR own benefit.

That i knew years ago is the exact opposite of how to

 'care' for populations in regions still fighting for modern real universal rights... 

Because the simple truth, was us true humble wanderers - searchers thinkers.... i could Be in Toulouse, Zagreb, inland Spain... in a Foulmouth sized French  town there were only ever at most one or two... a Zagreb, 1990, 4 or 5... we could recognise each other across a busier road...

...  info on cheap bed, food... which public phone may just about work.... was genuinely a matter of survival. ( never ever nightlife, there was  no nightlife..) and also  we wete refugee even then grom atomised selfish western greed...every single one of us the same pure values

Anyway blahh blahhhh

I know what it is to Be ' refugee' and what modern day refugeeism..is.. and how it damages societies.. especially back [ in their] ' home'.

NOT in a Jim Davidson, build walls way,  but the searchers wanderers

... are in fact those needed in Damascus, Mali, even Albania... so as to best ensure  more modern healthy democracy back home...

One is not allowed to say...

But as i lived that

 ( 10 years ago  " truth.. you Greens... Kington [pop 1500  most deprived town of West Horrorfordshire.]..   FACT... not bbc fiction, fact...1/4 of the people here could not afford a bus ticket to London  ... even if there was famine or civil war with Presteigne... before you automatically wail for Greek boat peeps who paid a grand for the dessert crossing...... just ponder that")

the next sentence as  I only have affinity.. all my life am ONLY really a ' displaced' person... has to have the most "human" nuance

As the only "human" i have taken to heart for decades is indeed an immo.... my only ' people' 

 so i cannot even write it, only "human" voice is nuance, it is in the audio.... all 90 minutes.


Half way through there is the sound of an actual real quite substantial explosion.

Larger than  one from a British supplied ( brokered via Gwerk or the chav suburb of Totness)  landmine or mortarbomb in gaza killing children   this morning....

10 minutes prior to that actual real full explosion... at firstest early light, a large and loud  arc sparc  cracked like concentration camp kommandants  first light playground whip...

And the smoke began....

only 50m away from me making my mutterations

Anyone  else would have trained their camera on said smoking banger, and 10 mins later have an explosion in the can that would elicit immediate youtube virality

so big bang

and bright

5 million hits i would say

instant ad rev...instant attention ( on me )

Nope.... you hear the waffle  continue post big bang...  i have nothing important ( to you) to create, but i know even if only ever 5 listeners...  my morning waffle today the unsayable product of so many years ( not elite, often penniless)  refugee/ wanderer  existence....  is what the real refugees need to have said... even for their sake..... and the many fakes, too.. for everyones' good. and it should be viral 10 mil....  but wont. 

waffle as if it would Be... cos i know it should, Be

thats authentic too-  if you have no one to please, but SIMPLE ..truth ... all other attention or cheating money

is just a distraction

size of large fridge

film,  smoking,   post explosion,  later

but the ultrabright fireball-  size of a truck... my camera would have been trained on....if i were anyone else

1 - 3 march, the best stuff,  only for her.... still to do....  later.


i had to do my homework lastereve...