Tuesday 14 May 2024


 ... Long ago

I did not ponder 'what is happiness', but did ponder, 6 or 7 years ago: " could an 'A.I.' ever in any way even begin to understand the human, mind, or if we must leap into 'replicating' it?"

Now, i know the answer is no, and I am not only not a Luddite - though there needs to be a term for someone who knows for sure that LL digital has had a net effect of  damaging, de "humanising" ... the human condition. Or the human "experience".

If we call it 'experience' then it will be taken subconsciously by especially the 'experience' generation who are SAID (but i know isn't true) to favour experience over material possessions and stuff like THEIR house.. 

And 'condition' seems to echo  or implies that deep seated  - perhaps innate, traits, can be changed...or should be..

But there is a starting problem. Anyone who has, as i did 30ish years ago for a few years, fully immersed themselves in the latest in genetics and evolutionary biology, and a bit of fairly simple anthropology, and REAL  anthropology ("human" is NOT 'hunter gatherer' we are 95% gatherer/forager / CARRION muncher', with SOME cultures  - and a culture is merely a set of memes layered upon some fundamental genome , who had got a little more into using bows and arrows and her swordstick spear...  to in reality augment, add too, the far simpler to gather protein and amino acids in shellfish,   when a dead porpoise hadnt washed upon the beach - quite easily findable by gatherations of birds circling. We eat meet that is ten or 100 days old if frozen.. a week on the beach even in midsummer leaves some edible nutritious carrion to munch..


The 'problem' is that culture, went and changed the 'natural state' - that is still there - 100s of thousands of years of evolution, then ideas got tagged on.

And thought, whether conscious or far more interesting and VERY real subconscious, is indivisible with the body, and thus a "human"  - even our 'health'  became, when  more sophisticated thought / ideas and communication, clicked in, A mix of innate and the culture of thought, ideas and tradition yabber yabber ...they inhabited. 

SO you have to create a kind of divide, keeping it very simple: the original state "human", and the modern.  Modern more or less arising via 'civilisation'  - with buildings and larger collections of shelters, or any other arrangement by which homo hung around in larger numbers that the natural state territory would sustain.. their foraging/ occasional spear chuckin' grounds...

That is a summary of about 50 big thick books. And all you need to know

(even if even now chauvinistic science and publishing STILL refuses to highlight, . ....

no NOT the 'hunter' - a few tribes developed that as maybe prevalent culture, due proximity to better sources of easy game,.. the majority of other tribes around  still getting most nutrition from foraging or carrion, or nickin' Bees' honey...)

So, happiness, Mrs BimboChat GP tea and toast.. is two things but you have to call the first 'innate' to some extent ...  reasonable nutrition, some shelter from the elements and even perhaps 'warmth', and an avoidance of pathogens or injury which make you feel fairly shit. Or  - being as we THINK we know the future, fearful of death or a bit falling off...

But none of those things really are as simple as binary off and on. Undoubtedly the body has an almost innate heroine opiate thing ...even with a fever..  one gets a bit 'high' almost ecstatic. I bet no silly modern man admits (or has taken the space-time to ponder) a wank with a fever is actually often a more thrilling climax... weird but true - a heightened perception of the orgasm high..). Being hungry for some days (i know from 2010 experience) does deplete the energy/ outlook...  but it is well understood through cultures that there can almost be some 'natural high' in starvation ... (i don't know about) 

And one does get used to shitty weather and cold and damp... as long as there is some food in the belly.

SO even innate 'happiness' circuits are a bit more complex than straightforward (usually rather dumb yank)  statement..

And then.... the mind, the modern "human"  memscape, ideosphere, or whatever... in other words cultural construct. All 'plastic' but maybe not so in any one lifetime... as actual REAL "change" is for the "birds" ... unless MAJOR 'shock periods do somehow shift things a bit... But Gurdjieff i think was too limited on that one  - its not so much the shock, or big bang events that shake us usefully sometimes, i think it is a shock + months - though years really...in the metaphorical 'desert' alone... that causes eventual concreted in actual change-evolution.

so... ' 'appiness'...well it sure cannot ever be found in an app... As the current act of looking into a screen as science and tech allow nowadays ...makes you feel shit before you have even read her cheeky "Monsieur Spam"  Susan Grenfeld's great science proved 27 or 28 years ago!

Now,  having had much time off into that desert the last 14 1/2 years... in the 'desert' you don't lie to yourself... that's the point really. There is no point ...no one else really exists. That's why it is a good metaphor. No one can in any way help you keep from dying of simple nature - water and food and not too much sandstorm damage.. though i doubt they are fatal...  theres always a dugout to be made to hide in.

So, gradually one ponders, out of boredom (or if one does encounter a new mate.. i mean of the opposite sex...  'how can i lure/endear myself to her'?... ahhahh the trend these days  - this stage in modernity, SEEMS to be by clever words... even if i have studied gazillions and know 99% are fundamentally flawed, most really dumb too ' )

Happiness is not really any of the inate things. 

Maybe to a certain extent if younger it is putting to use at some optimum level ones sex organs from the natural state...as nature demands we do, to live on as a species... via breeding..

Which brings us to simply one fundamental thing (NOT suggesting wo/man cannot have best sex ever way into 60s or 70s  ..i was VERY impressed in BBC radio 4chan chat with https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prue_Leith

maybe a year ago ... when she openly funnily spoke of truly great bonking as an old bag...   and others have too...)

Nope.. i just 5think there is a fundamental change - coming iof age, irrespective of  the 'pause' ...nothing to do with theior laterday Fakebook group and Womans' Hour absurd obsession the meno one...  BOTH sexes reach a point around 50 ..a bit later really.. 52 53... though that may be partly influenced by the 'meme' of numbers recording age.. fifty being a 'milestone in our meme based mindset...  had no one ever invented maths or numbers then it may be more a case of when certain physical things start to be more common like teeth crumbling perhaps... on average..

At that point one becomes an 'elder' even if its no exact point... 

And i know there is pre elder ways of mentally being

And post...

And thus Mrs Bimbo GPT .. as 99.9% of "humans" are so warped by crap tv crap books crap Eckhart Tolle nonsense.. crap all sorts of crap...  you cannot even ask what is a simple 'state' or what may make one 'happy'  cos 99.99% are lost in gibberish... so the notion that an A ' I' can understand ANYthing of the even worse gibberish written online for it to hoover up...is absurd.

Plus... now, i have read maybe 50% of the 'GREAT' books in the Western tradition...maybe 75%.. 

I can quite assure there is no theme, pattern, or understanding of love, happiness, or even contentedness... Hesse and Tolstoy (Resurrection) perhaps exceptions... never mind describing what i know to be the desired end state: to be centred and at peace... even if just those two words are perverted by the pay-as-you-go Mermaid counsellors and newspeak  lostpeople  (OR MAYBE I AM WRONG - listen audio yesterday) of  Hay Gweek CLUN too! (until maybe 5 yr ago down to earth ...nope ... invaded and they won) 

But 'happiness'.

Just defining it,  explaining it to Mrs Bimbochat gee... Pete 4 or 24...

I am not interested in...i know what happiness is... (losing all and surviving and eventually just... realising every swordstick stab left a little silver around  the wound hole..... real silver, unmined by mere dodgy man... the sort the angels give out as consolation prize - 25 carrots...  you know it when you see it...its glitter is real... 

( a flawed diamond of a metaphor though i think rather good came just like that.... creatively as i just opened laptop and...type...no plan...

silver is not measured in carats, or karats. Sterling is 92.5% silver mixed with alloy. gold and platinum is measured in Karats. Carats are for grading diamond

so make it gold, 25 carats =  impossible, if gold...

  her silver swordstick isnt measured in carats fuckin complications obvious ....what i mean   ... or maybe the metaphor is that the fever one gets from the infection after she has jabbed it into shitcreek waters first, deliberately before the thrust... gets you a consolation silver lining prize of a bacterial  'natural high'  as theyre trying to finish you off, her jab being rather limp wristed and failed to really gore you to a quick happy death  (as i know she wouldnt REALLY mean it..)

BUT... i don't care about 'happiness'...until i think i had a best ever version about November / december 2022.. but i had earned in that summer in persisting through a truly tank armed mad  employer...not one word of the salvos in any way got to me..."there is a useful purpose in all their nuttiness and madness"..  zen long clicked in

Indeed ten or even five years ago though esteemed, never insane NOT "even for five minutes" ... never even 'depressed'... (though grief is more or less the same,  and 'living bereavement' i think is in fact almost worse  than the big splat of the car crash that snuffs em all out..or a British AWACS guided bomb into a  Palestinian supper time that  does the big splat...) ... i wouldnt imagine i would feel really 'HAPPY' so it never came onto my intellectual meditative Voltairean radar really..

BUT... creativity, did.

I became a new mind in reality - a shift, a switch got switched on... i couldnt even write a bad poem if i had sat and stared at the paper for weeks...  i just write bad poems and some fairly useful sentences (not for a year really - i maybe spent my last true creativity poetically riffing a little early spring 2023...for one desperate reason only...)   unthinkingly, automatically... a switch was switched, a sewerage wall was dynamited... 2010..  and all my shit just flows...  sometimes the patterns bubbling i know are beautiful (i have been told by TOP London gatekeeper intellectual film makers so you can fuck off with 'that's a bit narcissistic for a gibberishite') 

I KNOW .. 'creativity' cannot ever be undestood by mere wo/man... so how the hell is the BimboChatBot .. ever going to be able to even know what actual real 'creativity' is..or is tomorrow..as the rules of The Sublime...my only but total metaphysical ... "yes there is more than the materialist rational blahn blah... "   

is ...are ...

"it recreates itself every day" 

ANyway there we go.. metaphysics is ALSO meta"human" ..more than any mere human can ever even give words to...so dont..

And dont pay for any (even if you should pay for my great psychology and a bit of other unique stuff but no one ever has, so fuck off and sulk, like ALL ..every one i ever meet!)

TO Be continued.

REALLY, now...as for over a  decade hearing the 'New ' silly billies of USA on 'tech' and the future...all with stars in their potsmoke  filled eyes..(that does NOT enhance creativity)

I know the way to nuke it - as frankly its all SO SO SO SO boring....  is somehow to just explain to the people, that creativity can never be replicated ... designed, created...  so the machines will never ever ever Be us... 

Perhaps though, as 'creativity' is such a hard subject, and furthermore 8 years sucking up to offiocial artists - figurative..paint... every single one of 100s..(i needed their always stated  green/pro EU alliance ..) ...at length i riffed with - TRUSTED to mean what they say... believed their promises to take part in pro EU pro nature stuff... 

I simply know that 100% are "INhuman"  - the natural state is SOME functional social mores...  none ever have. Except 3 or 4 (into my recorder one day i will yank it out) agree that THEIR fellow artists are essentially high functioning psychopath..

(refer Meghan Daum unspeakable podcast 2ish years ago the woman evolutionary biologist / psych she having great chat with.. stating huge numbers in USA have BPD..borderline personality disorder...  a maybe politer term? ..  i wish not to offend anyone by callin' em... over the line... the starting line -  in the race to the funny farm or whacky ward... [ Ruby Wax rightly, a true sufferer, preaching a year ago on radio 2 one morn LAUGHING at it ALL..is first step to 'recovery'..]...)


happiness, may be easier to send Chatbot gpt 25 to the whacky ward, figuring... 

cos its really a fucked up subject... so hard... very few REAL writers (not called Eckhart ior Jordan or wanky showoff names like that)  never have much to say thats insighful...

But i think i may have...

well i KNOW i do have

i have LIVED the various transitions..i know are REAL... but describing them ... my centre..i know is just fine !

 i mean i wasnt even hurt on Xmas Day!! The one just gone

 and i havent been round to a true love's (more important ONLY woman VALUED)  for 25 years ...on xmas day... 

In fact never 

as Mrs 27 years ago was really lovely at first but... we knew really deep down too many differences...REAL ones when she didnt REALLY like to be in simple nature... 

Never  ... enjoyed a true ok new start she really is the one xmas day...

had some of course with ongoing compromise ...situations positions...

but " hmm... i did begin to find ...BE..really happy even 2020 ..2021...   now i am ready, it would Be lovely to be with someone at last  as i have stumbled across that bizarre state... "

And i am failure, but i didnt feel wretched or  ...even like taking the poisoned cup of Shitcreek riverwater outside her backdoor ... that final cup, like Socrates...(i played in a  school play as a really tongue tied 10 year old utter emotional retard and spaz) 

Anyway two tangiong,  with the duff teachers they have these days... called Eckhart.. and ALL the rest (i have personal experience) ...no fuckin' hope....

Anyway if i can somehow get down some of my last 15 year journey...it is 'to happiness'''.. though that was never the plan!

That will fry the curcuits of the bimboBot... 

And we, as a civilisation, need to...

As it is ONLY the utter mad unpredictability 

of beautiful human creativity ... that makes us "human" and different..

And indeed does actually provide 'hope' 

(DONT - i know NO successful "community" or 'for the REAL common good' thinking...i search for it..its GONE..for now anyway...) 

Even if in the Eckhart era...  talk about a really dark smelly cave...  no one can survive in

As it isnt real

Anyway if no one can really figure the blueprint to ACTUAL 'creativity' - no artist ive seen for years has... thinking the bimboBOt even knows what that word means, is insanity..

DItto, 'apppiness... 

Lets see if i can...it has been on my mind 12 or 13 years .. the creativity one i mean..i really was quite one diminsional of mind...until the worst ever nuke bomb dropped...