Saturday 25 May 2024

so, good lines...

 A few days ago, it- the first godlike insight,  starts and ends audio.

Not sure if i can be bothered to check and bleeep

and up load

Ethereal, guruish, expensive lifecoach menuish, nonsense, but at least my copyright aphorism is true, even if i cannot recall the truth in it, as it is visceral corporeal and bodily:

Only in  a state of full real committment, is one fully free.

( Came into my mind, before her splendid critique, aside ' our' rock,  of too much dam  choice) 

And another:

 you must own your own


Trickier to expand upon, but the losers, those whom have lost* in time perhaps 'get' it...

Especially as how other peeps often do chip away at ones personal real ' lived experience', story....

own, hold on to 

storytell to the Self

The actual one that was. 

Still is.

In my own case 

( a definate quay

to dying happily)

Dawn today or a bit after

Body clock perfectly reliable 

set to two hours before the bus

Pondering how, yes

every small shock, 

even horror

( but never horror films)

was all good.

Every moment, even in the lethal undcurrent

Of smock 

or ( non Norwegian) so called justice room

like her, did not 'traumatise' but somehow helped

Live, more alive.

Freely in fact

And i know why

real experience

( not rediculous holiday-adventure ' experience')

is the only way we really learn

And learn to understand others'

life experience that is not our own

And thus fear, less

Certainly never for a moment even have visceral real,  " exasperation" 

Even if it is the shortcut word i chose as neutralish explanation

Of how i never really 

' respond' 

or care

About others' psychodramas, to me only ever rather bizarre..


* loss.

I kindof forgot.

Did i say somewhere here


there are only 4 states of 


1 prior any actual child love/ care ongoing in ones life... neices dont count. Be ing... the one that makes real ongoing decisions for them, is caring....  parenting. All the rest, play...

2. post. if you are really that it is as if ones DNA is twisted, tweaked... one never reverts to pre childcare DNA, and it doesnt have to be your own genes

3. Pre REAL ' loss'

4. post. never again the same mind and being as in the preloss state. Usually resulting in years of  on and off  bowell-twisting ' grief'... a real thing. 

But 'loss' is not the fake Helen is for Hawk version... loss is not  of a parent more or less lived their lifespan. It is only death or total loss of child, or  beloved established partner.... 

i.e. loss of someone in ones new next generation 

now-family  unit. Ones little personal node of the herd humans must go out and form away from the origional node of them being raised.

But i guess too it can also be loss of ones many many year  partner  to.... another? I guess the same total permanent mindbody effect.

The 4 states, of course can overlap. But i know of no other  real " change" ... 

so " dm me for  ...[ it]", 

i knew, deep down, is Miss Guided.... and rather sad... as only real hell does at least weld your feet to this rather splendid's good to walk upon....

( but not enough)

Even in a swamp of endless bullshit

The End