Sunday 19 May 2024


ohhbi so wish there was a synomym....

It is such a perverted naff bimbo word

( perverted by those who never even read some original actual  slanteye, zen stories,   as i have

.. original 2 or 3000 yr old zen is fine... 

But this is NOW and that original version too simple, made  for simpler times... 

this 'now',  too loaded for zuch a then word....

And, with NOTHING to say... these loadsa shit say nothing...

but the awful ' new  age' of infantilised say-anything-for-love, brigade who no one could ever really love AND respect, for life.. cos its all a performance... have even more bossy crap symonyms, " you WILL be serene and not self harm yourself  with a good fuckin kick up the bum as you should, for leaving your tools outside rusting for months..."

go and almost entirely rebrand it.... comes up  on goggle p 1

i infact first discovered this problem in my first very long stream of consiousness  .. million word  poetical thing...  ( they hated so much, they would arrest.... cos it was good. As a fair few said. And bourgeoisie of [ all The Marches] ... hate what they cannot do. In fact hate most grown up words....  about the facts of now.... and them)

i reset it as 'apt'.

In or before?  but the ' a'  with an accent above it ...or maybe a cedillah below, i forget... 

The real modern zen which in short means being bulletproof  eventually, and finding real  silver lining in all.....all!.. and also knowing you can never fix everything, but most things need fixing... 

or something like that.

I know a new word  is needed so as to  distance   'it' from spoiled, lost, sexually wonky,  ex private school,  ex opium junkies ...whom inhereted daddy's dreadlocks and auctioned em for a few houseboats at Gwerk.... and sold out for a few mil when all the " birds" in places like that had seen through them as just another arrogant  pathetic manchild Brit, with loving raghead drugs, and not really luvin ragheads,  unless their opium dealer...


mixed up

And zenless,  unless asleep for a few days recovering from too many drugs 

real zen, the modern world version, is a mixture of simple and happy....  

despite the hell of them...( we know will always hoard all the land and cash to self anaesthetise themself against unzenned, them. )

And needs a whole at least 200 page book to contextualise..

And there wont be any ' vudu' innit... except: she lost her "zen" the first time i wrote shaman-vuduism i bet.

But she knows i am right. But of course ' failure' - picking the branding which has been latterdays


by far more avid and blatant in-your-[younger]- face,  Fakebook types hard to swallow... ( i watch them,  at the manmade cliffs...that is NOT 'zen')

zen is in fact finding as i have an almost new 'me', i always wanted to be,  but knew i couldnt be...

until, i Be...came....


A year ago. Avenue 6 Juin....

Cliff edge, ( or shitcreek edge)

.. " raising ones game" to one never previously known able to... 

Even if a totally lost cause..

Is a form of ' zen'  and   spastic ( as i told my social worker, few days ago,  far less PC than me..." my world champ self pityin mam would have, for sure!  if she could have,  had it been 6 months time diference, so i am allowed to say 'spaz' -  always a term of endearment in my non bullying comp school [ except upon me..i am glad of even if a bit ' traumatised' but you learn from it: reality ]..  so i am honourary Thalidomide.... )..spaz ( the nuance/ meaning of that  4 letter word is

 " blessem,  they know not what prats they are...awww blessem..... pity them a bittoo... [ the worst 'abuse' of any 'human' .."]...)  

spaz newspeakers have no idea what it is.... even if a foundation of modern " human" .. rising above, or stepping aside... the cant and vanity, and vanity...very much there,  in especially Pirsig's silly book.

I do need new word, there just being no word vaccinated from them ( many photos of them,  taken over a decade, as social history of... well, now... why they are all stuck....)

And they  think Russell Brand is real.... or ' useful' in any real way.

Real stoics/  "human"istzenners...  do feel PURPOSE in their  sharing  actual realzen...

but i dont think ANYone can ever...pause, listen even to a useful storyfable, and take anything in...

I give up

But i know ... the reasons, crystal clear ( it would make a bestseller book- knock spaz [ the not endearing usage] ... missing bits of his human body, Eckhart ...  off his perch he manically grips for all his [ financialised] life, with his one able finger...)  ... why only one,  has endeared herself to me.. for decades: Spirit, you dont need a phrasebook, or all-of-life-studied muvva tongue, to express it in.... it ca nnot Be faked

As told ( not adequately  enough, sadly.... as its INTERESTING... philosophically... i have no skin in the game, selforphaed years ago even if i bet she got her talons in my lasstoo....with her worst ever form of abuse!  grooming kids to lap up her utterly lethal self pity, that isnt even real- an act, to cover lust.... all those endless shopping trips twice a week, to the expensive shops of Chester... everyone else could only afford a few times a year, for gods sake....

The true  lifetime medal awardwinning....fake

I got the best radar in the world, on wot one of them is....!

My social worker seemed to understand, and i hope hear my own joke about my own tragic ( lass)  failure, was real..

No fakery. Real...

 yes, the ONLY sign of HEALED:  joking about the very worst of all..

 one has survived

Someone... assited me to ' let ultra-go..' 

 a year ago... even if all she could do was sulk..

And it works.

Zen the newword book, one day... their usage an absolute dead end, of Phoebe Waller Bridges 13 occurances of

 " anal sex" in her hollow load of fleabitten crap...

Today i am reminded, as i strip that app out.... finished with.

 i need to watch again, the ACTUAL writing genius ..

Only the blackmam, Donald...  ( and Kushner even if hers apocolypse zombie book, so genius, and her use of  evil murderer UNABOMBER !!! tracts ...woven in,  to her sublime, alive,  poetry... in a book, no man would have been alllowed to by his ferkin publisher..!!! so stop the fucking 'feminine CON...( lady again thistermorn Beyond Belief  at it!!!...spouting that nonword)

They.. but Don best of all...Made new real 'art' with the word

whiteyman, and ANY the problem!

( PERFECTLY summarised in,  if the Guardian can give this very very ordinary NOT even arthouse movie i watched last night on superb vumoo dot id... 5 stars,

i have never kmown such an obvious case of "someone having diferent eyelid arrangements....whoop whoop... it MUST be so zen supreme deep and wise art!!"

they DESTROY culture, sanity, and civilisation based on evolution ... of better thought film, and my writing, truth...even if badly

they are death.

( it would be hard to be worse than the other difoeyelidarrangements  film Parasites, but it is...) 

They killed' objective' thought

A  frisky hardbitch... really tough dilirect  white  middldle aged NYC  based film director told me at the cafe in Kington 5ish yrs ago..

. me: " half an hour of you to me...i know you ALONE i can trust to tell me the truth, ok i heard the best film writing has now gone over to tv....

havent had 20 years...

 but tell me if this is true? who is the best... where do i start?.. and by now you know i know my truly great lifechanging REAL film art.."

no hesitation: " Atlanta.."

  no hesitatiom i rushed to watch it on pirate tube solarmoveeeeee


(  after  opening scence:  

selfhating thoughbubble: " guns rap and cars ... the three things make me sick!..stupid fake woman... what crap she spouted and clearly did NOT listen to my relating true filmic inteligence my taste" 

A minute later...

" ohhh....  ehhh.

 my first impression was,...wrong.....very, indeed the exact opposite of the truth,  about this simply beautiful  extraordinary black mind, alone seems to be able  bring  real light ...real healing...into weirdest human existence.... ...  true art from a true new mind. "