Thursday 15 June 2023

I don't need..


To be up at dawn, especially when dawn is 

quarter past four the birds

not the "birds" (makes me smile still)

start their moaning and pining, racket.. just for a mate


normal animal 100% NEED

But from 22 february this year I am motivated.

And only positively.

No matter what.

Freed to ... try better?

I thought then - the day i spent another tenner - .. because those English... one and all. I know are theme park-stuck.

I saw no real smiles (excepting one farmers'  equal female householder,... smiles and jokes - no agenda, just be.. us all happy..

... and her lasses... from 2020... and she knew mine was my how we smiled.. i wish only smiles...but i guess a 'man' has to just finish his last phase and get too total clean page first.. but i had no idea it was really going to happen...but did)

Only reason i have to get at it early, is that writing or even my bad bonkers bullshit... is in fact better if done in a hurry (my black swan showed me 13 years ago - because prior her coming along then - most unwelcomed... the worst of all imaginable abysses ..for 2 1/2 years... i would procrastinate "i must always be perfect.....i am .. every word will be !!" could not '"get out of the way of the words" 

 these bad ones (thus far)  need to be hurried as here the signal so weak that when they arise.. 7.30..switych on their phones, to text nothing...message only for fun  - allay their lost and lonely nothingness... and thats ok

No hope of any signal to get a jpg anywhere..

And there is only one reason I AM... in such great spirits matter what

No sunglasses, no hairdye...  lovely little green one - they were always my favourite motor..

makes up for no smile

Anyway i didn't know - til last pilgremage through the truth - a confirmation of reality... i trust HER... mum at my window an hour we swpoke..and she laughed 

"how come all this terrible pain you are laughing from your belly... you are special.."

|As it went dark..

To be finished...soon