Ms. or is it Mzz, Gatekeeper.

 According to Meghan's rather good chat on anodyne arts i think it was this one..my my time flies...

https://www.theunspeakablepodcast.com/podcast/episode/22f8de9d/is-art-boring-or-is-it-just-us-william-deresiewicz-returns-to-the-pod

or it may have been a week before "most publishers are women now.."  and they (Meghan too) weren't very nice : conformist neo-nazi over sensetives... i know thisis not true; they are merely (sadly for them) as selfish as everyone else,and want only what the sheepl will buy (as per McKewan one of many examples..Oliphant my god... ) ...so they can carry on with heir sugar hit 'skinny lattes' or whatever... and expensive lifestyles...  they don't care...

And i know only one 'genre' is going to make people feel ..OK...as i understand foundation economics ( "even ... **bia .. has a far lower national debt per peep than us.. plus the absolute unviability of farming out simple community o he state..etc...) 

because high streets of  (farmers market filled) Ludlow.. Presteigne... speaking he TRUH to me ... i ge a bit iof truth from peeps.. 2 months ago - may high 'discretionary spend' visitors... a lot of it STOPPED. dead...

These are proto Hay-on-Wye sad uber rich 'lifestyle' choice destinations...too... nowadays (many photos to come - with poignant humour i hope)

It aint a fantasy...

And ...PITY (checkout that Mars Room.... does no work.  -= even if every librarian i tried to share that little snippet of insight with 17, 18...19 ..until hey self pityingly closed them all for 2 years...solid...2 1/2 good as....  looked at me as if i was a nasty terrorist  - i am serious  "i learned so so much more from Rachel K's poetical pityLESS tale of  madness and dysfunction ... than any every-other-word'vulnerable'- misery manuscript...ditto Pereira Maintains, Reader on he 6.27...and of course OVE....   no confected vulnerability... as in Uk its 99.9% confeced..to sell... something or other...)

self pity does no work - anyone names heir lass out of a truly GREAT Dylan of course was a bit self pitying as younger man.... but.... one learns, the real way

to BE

that was rit yesteraft

but no possibility of putting - even in an email

One of many, still....no matter what

but... WHY ...NEVER CARE? 

and not if the above doesn't rile a few English "bird's" feathers...

SO i have only one problem, water.....

And i know a fine quiet place to come to to replenish...and have a dip.

The second best thing about here

And a mermaid had told me just two days earlier that THIS river was truly fine

near sublime

(just a FUNNY from a few days ago...in an otherwise rather dour place... nothing to do with me...)

but what about the thirsty! my creek....

well, upstream of theirs...

Though a timely reminder. GIVE UP...i did... forever....

All that matters  - (great Something Understood today) even if the shitty badly maintained drains leave me a little spiritually drained...no spark today

But try notes for a poem, anyway... and they are in email too

The Art.. the last one left.

I knew then - five years ago i pondered some Ralphs - try them out...but the time wasters and false carers distracted me...five...seven years.. ten really...

so sketch out bad poems at .. sunup

(so interesting sat writing my 5 pages yesteraft...chap long chat...younger generation...yes so so many clever words for 'community' and fighting...nope.. thats the problem even the handsome prettiest boys with a fine (relative) mind...go and complicate it all to make themselves look...so pretty

not my people. Never were.

first draft corrected bad scribbling but no more time to waste even picturing the second corrected draft

categorical proof that computers never worked.. an intellectual froend of mine very very internet power user (for causes) said "the internet if becoming so feminine...." and also i heard other thinkers say the same. I have absolutely no idea what ('good' feminine ) that means... because it takes women and men banded together properly to run causes like fixing the rivers...and every woman i have ever known seems to be cowardly controlly badly esteemed (or as we used to say  - compassionately meaning poor them 'passive aggressive') 'feminine'... just hiding behind it. Bossing us... but too  fearful to ever do or BE anything simply neutral... 

Thats not women i used to know... ever... 15 years ago so in fact that was a splendid truthful but TRAGIC .. thing he foresaw...

that is easy enough to understand...but i don't understand this at dawn today...

all i do understand is all those 'fashionable' "i am multitudes...of layers... " they all get in the way ..of understanding which is the only key to bright eyed peace i know...and i am not a fool. 

Letting go entirely (even of the 'ego' is to allow one to be thought so... as a fair few greater than i could be, writers have found... nothing is new, or special..shame a whole generation have been raised to think they are...)