Saturday 8 July 2023

the end of the ROAD, AND QUEST.

 right i am pulling off the caps lock key

... that is that 

horrid keyboard

And as an ...'aside' is it?

Or what.

All i know that if my reality is a 'hologram', well I now know what the theme of the last five week 'road trip' is.

That will be one way. 

And should be over the cliff.


Even if five years ago i figured  - or rather bodily 'The Sublime' became enmeshed with every molecule of the body - perhaps especially her  ....what is it called the membrane around nerves and ligaments...?

That naughty little sublime, is everywhere and now nowhere...

Perhaps one could say it is  not divisible from THE matter how she may scowl at me.

There are only two sides, it became so so clear. Last evening.

After delivering (all off the cuff - i never plan my days) 

...putting it into the hands of (who is she? almost the 'narrator' to the tale ..she would never have time to hear.... )

Just one hour later, twenty five....

twenty five..

Twenty five years...

" :-) ... :-) .... [mutual]...   now you understand.... Intouchables....  he has a new life, he makes a FOOL of himself...he writes his long letters to his date... he chickens out of the date,  he MAKESA  FOOL OF HIMSELF...he fucks, he sires three more children from his spazwagon.... he smiles he laughs, he fights with his black slave and they find love... and true humanity.... 

"whereas far more popular in this holiday aisle theme park... you live there ! ... as you say a truly lost theme park to nothing...our 'version'... roughly same time...Me Before You... he doesnt fuck doesnt live....lets down his 'carer' love who knows he is a so so knowing human who doesnt make a fool of himself... knows he is right, controls his being right....right up to the front door of ... Zurich..his very last doorway into..... that is the place you are on holiday ... "

But the 'quest' - be it Quixotic, Candeidian....I know now what it was to Be - to bodily exist... to this moment live in side me. 

And the most superb young woman in my whole life by far i have ever met and spent the most perfect hour with...

Perfect. In every way.

She sat there with her Schlik...

" hey... can i speak with you.... you make me sad sat there because i just never see any English sat with a good book any more...i means really sad - sorrow  howls through my mind body soul...

" ohhh my god you are one of them... my father was one of them.... undoubtedly it causes borderline personality disorder... the notion of rebuilding the human soul...

[ stage directions: 20 mins in]

"there are only three [if i recall] who's lists of books i feature, Cecile..  the shaggy frog who i met 2005 she was researching Arab men in N Africa in a superb intellectual road trip...shagging lots of them.. i met her when her road trip has turned slightly problematical and one had thrown stones at her as she was belting down The Road...running from him - her arm was bandaged...She turned me on to your God Thomas Bernhard... her great list of a dozen or more great real books changed my life..

"Thomas Bernhard, who came from the shaggy Frog.....i read it a second time only  five years ago and took out his recommendations of then great books and art... so his book list...

" ... i forget the other... for now.... and now ..YOU..."