Now.... roamin and rambin'
In fact what a quite unexpectedly intellectual summer - in that several coastal places i had not thought! " Europeans....!!" loads of em!
quite a few jolly good real chats about real stuff like "do women over 50 enjoy a good ruckin....?" Krauts seem to actually have evolved into enjoying real conversation, without ay absurd coyness or maybe its the sugar...
I decry few things really..... except that arrogant smugness of British academe - not because or arrogance or smugness - they are only to be pitied as so limiting for the arrogant smuggeratti...
But when Grayling to my face winced when i asked 'im had he read Bernhard's Extinction?.... a literary and poetical masteriece in fact rather Miss titled... because it is about the slow slow incremental evolutionary changes a chappie goes through over his whole life, transitioning from the son of the gentry, to fairly humble thinker and accademic who realises how emty and vapid all rich persons life is, and also most of academe...
And to me it is rather 'telling' that the King of British academe wouldn't even want to KNOW about a masterpiece that parodies or satirises gently....academe... in short NEVER trust English formally trained within-system 'intellectuals'..
There was a time when those eschewing that kind of pathway were ok - one could have a balanced chat with them, especially if female. They would be able to remain GROUNDED in simpler cause and effect.
But it seems - errata i knew some years ago, as soon as flying yoga carpets took over Fakebook, and other such "look-at-me... and you may even want to contribute by donation, or subscribe" that all the perfect image control would not end well.
If I were in charge of an English Literature department i would demand only one first query or investigation if somehow possible: "did George Elliot take two three spoons, or no sugar in her tea?"
That sounds like inanely unintellectual. When an actual intellectual knows quite the reverse (CP Snow did come up with his Two Cultures 1959 if not earlier!). There is no just 'art' or 'humanities', and just 'science'
The science is crystal clear - Seeds of Change '85 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seeds_of_Change_(non-fiction_book)
Henry sticks in "sugar is the only substance which does seems to have irreversible physical effect on the body" - i.e. is more or less a poison. But i think....know.... that the effect on the mind is considerable also. A fair bit of my life i have lived long periods with no intake of refined sugar. And i know that my mind when there is no refined sugar for weeks on end in my diet or even concentrated 'natural' sugars that maybe in dried fruits.... almost as if 'steps aside' from all routine human melodrama. In short (i have a hypothesis many years on how this happens, and why - connected with foraging honey i cavegirl state), refined sugar seems to considerably turn up the psychodrama knob.... almost 'addiction' to, and way of thinking about ones fellow mankind... try 40 days in the wilderness as i did age 18 no, choccie even to keep you going.... and you realise you no longer care about the news or what tosspots other humans can be - a true totally 'aside' zen state arises within.
And it seems historically accurate to state that the British maybe even from 300 years ago were by far largest consumers of refined sugar
And i know that even if i havent reread her for several decades the whole feeling of Middlemarch and Silas and her other just as great books is she is observer ... she is not caught up at all in judegement or gossip or supposition...
I would bet my life on it that Madam Elliot didnt do much sugar. When it is sugar crystal clear that many other writers for centuries did... which intellectually may in fact be far more important to the supposed evolution of British thoughtful thought.
All a bit Eastenders...
But try saying that to the Graylings of the world they are so anti intellectual and cannot think....so what...
But try saying t to the Natural Store yoga mummies..... who used to have fine minds 20 years ago.....nope it is as if one is advocating forced sterilisation for them, which would cut off at the umbilical chord their ability to now monetise zoom zumba or yoga classes for mumzz and unborns...
Which are how they afford their £4 bar of Guardian Food Supplement suoerchoccie bars they will demand are their only input... and i don't believe a word.... because i know they stop at the petrol station for a peasant choccie bar just as often as the rest ...or if Oxford educated super wellness guru and nature saviour stick on their Fakebook pictures of loads of cupcakes.....when THEY need some cash... or their (corporate) begging bowl shared among their Fakebook tribe...of women... otherwise known these days as crowdfund. No problem with funding appeals for MAYBE 'good' works. But wen the ultra goddess - Oxford biochemical and genetics trained and even TV professor of the aforementioned, and endless proponent of " we live in a toxic society" doesnt know that NEVER promoting fancy cakes means never and authenticity (see about 2 months ago) is THE key to 'mental health' ... hers rather showoff poorly she likes to make it seem....
there is no hope.
(XXX insert photo from yest)
And thus....ONLY...Barbie 2.0 can save us now....
I mean ....
(and i already have my 'Queen' - well i hope i do.... a fine woman - the one finest English woman - this quite miraculous!....who quietly, as if it is 'normal' (it has been since Stendhal and even earlier) wishes to investigate incongruity within the family - the relations pretending to be nice when scrapping about the loot!....and ALL truth ponderatio is good and we must each if possible ruminate on how such things may power the individual so its nothing to do wit me!.... but more important to encounter such a woman with such bright eyes proves y own fairly long held knowings - facing uncomfortable truths is very good for one and makes one appear much younger and thats no insult quite the reverse - eyes of a 30 year old glistening with aliveness... )
A good queen is to be treated with real respect - especially as ive never met any English woman so esteemed and thoughtful and seemingly unafraid about just maybe knocking up something - it could even just be a poem....about incongruity around the dining table - paradise!.... even if i am blown out, still paradise to know there was one after all!...... period. And in fact the real lesson i cannot put it into words - some people just are at ease with .... ?? maybe she doesnt do sugar? who knows.... same place, same time, seemingly similar natures... splendid.
But then we have Barbie..
I am NOT in any way in any way interested in any travelogue... nor blog nor diary...my life - odyssey, ended last November. period.
All that i am interested in is a few interesting ....hmmm....periods of life. Life ended when the 'self help'book was invented.... never trust any preaching via the self or 'help'...only trust stories.
Even if (it occurred at dawn today ) the 'storyteller' has commodified and turned into consumer item the 'storytelling' performance - available at all sorts of small festivals of fake bohemians gatheartioning in The Marches or Devon around perfect looking shepherds huts at £30 grand and £10 suggested donation for... 20 minutes of really not at all useful sugar rich storying which does no one any good and no one can 'learn from'...
Come consume the stories and take photos of me story TELLING in nice interesting garb to show off from some fake hippy pretending to be effical sellin knockoff from S Ken at coastal rates... and put all the photos on Fakebook and dont forget to 'like' me...
etc..
For the English to see... The Portuguese saw straight through [you] centuries ago with that splendid aphorism - i do think to be fair is a harsh judgement in that all that sugar rattlin' around in the gut, was no one fault... and the fact that silly psychodrama became the national setting, of course (as the aphorism implies) they dont have time to build any decent foundations, and anyone would try and tart up the surface look so as to cover the endless rickety wobbles underneath the fancy extreior- caused by all that sugary stuff.... is the British
None of my business as I am not one.
But then we have Barb...
A few hours after the latest sitting and staring at the completely other-world, otherspecies quiet deliberate wandering around its normal territory - if anything is 'extraordinary' it occurred to me how obviously just a creature of certain habits - same route when i have seen it.... perhaps a route it learned in childhood - elegant and serene but just a root at a certain level.... none of my business, a diferent species and i accept diferent species have very diferent total trajectories. It is silly to even think much of them, anyway we are human and human mess is far more important. They cannot train us into better habits. And their habits are their bsiness. Only....humans can deal with humans and it seems humans do rather eed dealing with....though i am not stupid, no man is listened to these days so bring on the ..... other sex
And attempt as i have been some time to encourage them to write about what they REALLY care about.... but it may take time going through what they THINK they should perform caring about....
Unless they are 25 and dont care about how we both smelled like ripe cheese.... what a superb youngun! Last week...
But 25 yearolds have a whole new world to consider first of "you can't say that" and ....(so she reliably informed me - maybe one day)
Meanwhile back to a few hours after the big moggie just being a big moggie..
Yestermorn.
Other fave stopping place...
"wish these bloody rich bitches would go and park further away from me, the glare of the new paintwork disturbs my perfect zen..."
How, or why it began ...
simply because i can.
I do not begrudge her her freeze dried hair, almost out of a can, of peroxide. Or....
Imagine an utra Barbie.
But i think there are two utra aspects. Firstly the absolute fortune spent of the perfect dressing
mutton as lamb.
Sorry, no disrespect - its everywhere.
But then, take barbie the movie - what i THINK they were trying to 'do', quite sincerely - i am not a cynic. I think they were exploring what the modern woman may be next and quite rightly pointed out that sane Western parents, even the old woman who invented Barbie, chucked em in the bin decades ago as poisonous.... i just wish the Central Europeans would catch up (lots os sad photos from this spring exploring how Barbie is still basically the actual goddess to the East E kiddies.... so sad.... oh well their lives)
Oh we can have all kinds of 'post modern' (doesnt exist) ironic new barbie stuff...
But i want barbie to.....
Well there is only ONE thing in any woman thats attractive if one has a brain, soul, has read plenty of good literature (nothing to do with it really), a pretty good body for ones age due loads of long long walks in nature, no kit NOTHING i wouldnt have with me if walking around a town food shopping.... no special footwear no compulsory waterbottle no phone app....NOTHING....
even if dangerously out in a remote cliffpath area as its dusk..
no torch
no signal
Her..... fighting spirit.....
Anyway so... Belgrade 91....
Ohh what happened to her the most wonderful of them all she called me up when i was there ... and asked if ts ok she marries him... what a privilege what a human moment
Putting someone on the spot - did i READ!!?? and take in our great book we would share - Bridge Across ... trusting someone with the hardest question there is, when you love her being asked if she should marry him....
Just the trust in the question means there is only one answer, of course, yes...
hard to explain
But then a few years later they make it to my extremely hidden away humble old rented damp cold cottage in the hills...aside... this utterly gorgeous most 'natural' body ever known... fat ...very...
But still its the true friendship that mattered...blah blahh.... though i simply don't know if ANY American is capable of being friend more than a decade - its as if they have a terrible auto destruct ten years in....to almost anything.
But then maybe ten years later...i know WHY i really did need to come here!
How can it possibly be that ones very very best female friend even if English - not really...like me so much European time in her.... and him....
92 and 93 we went through so pefrectly - a story that could not be made up - the most adult real i have ever known; I took my own wife to be to meet her for 'approval' of sorts as soon as she arrived in this weird land to be with me. We had in every way the perfect 'renaissance' woman man true friendship and even negotiated the total love stage into absolute true balanced mutual respect...
And bugger me an hour we are speaking as she is in the park with her three, and never mentions in fact only email round robins a week later... number 4 was in the oven and just about to pop.
(" i have had enough of you weird English women now for a lifetime i simply cannot understand that.... i tell you EVERYthing and you know kids is all i ...well i love em...and you never even mention number 4 weighing you down as you are on the swings chatting to me an hour.... you have ended ALL English for me forever..")
But thats not all, 2 or 3 years later....bu then 7 or 8 years later the most 'feminist' woman i ever knew by far - intelligently. writing letters aside me.... for me to approve, i always did, to government departments and newspapers.... goes, too, to make her 'fortune' from the one most frankly sexist near evil cunt people on the planet, the saudis...
what on earth?!
But it was here...i didnt know here was what it was about...
I had assumed the cottage down here i had heard about maybe 15 years ago was, as it may be in Londoners buy The Marches, some generally quite detached hidden away thing.... no real 'community' or much to do for London incomers in the whole marches... except pretend Hay-on-Wye 'culture' is not a theme park for them...alone...
But wandering here the other day around some more exclusive further afield bays ... those with verynarrow service roads and on picturesque creek heads...
And perfectly mown lawns despite the mizzle..
I got her at last! the real her.... Only someone who in fact did only value that post colonial but not quite post superiority, could even stand it for 5 mins in the local gastropub....
It is entirely of the real her. Those slightly superior ones who ... get in close to the establishment and then later on pretend they are freelance something or other, but know there is only one side of the bread they lick - all the old chronies of the military industrial complex.... overlord division, oxbridge or Harvard or ... and here is her actual retirement home, too.... and of course gradually it had to metaphorically fence off even a once good friend, who brought her bloody lovely kids up wit her when times were tough.... for her...
But thats not what its about as i wuldnt have a second of my life one second diferent: even if she had to forget, i wont ever: we found a different way to be, a bit better than the old class system old judgements.... which of course being as smart as me - the person introduced me to life-changer Lewontin and Primo levi....
terrified her..... as she may actually have to believe we really DID find a better way
But i needed to....understand.... her.
Peace true ultimate peace is understanding the one i had no idea i had any unfinished business with..
She is England i am not... that's all i know. And saw it just a few days ago.
Now, forget her.... she was, but now is forever.
So, a few minutes into Barbie, the movie... there she is....towering above everyone....
(and actually there you go America is weirdly getting itself sorted out in a way UK seems incapable - they even SERIOUSLY take the piss out of Matel.... Dont look Up has a scene at the end where the sort of wanker Tom Pauls who own Gwerk or around and abouts, after years of conning everyone they are nice, quite rightly gets his head bitten off ! its PERFECT.... Barbie is a hatchet job on Matel... this is laughing AT onesself.... no Britisher can ever do it seems especially if a mermaid of Gwerk... (the one who lied to me June 10thish the creek is pure, as they all will "manifest" successful environmental standards rather than fuckin DO anythin like do legal cases against polluting cunts who DO know better but are sp psychopathically greedy they dont care, almost pipe out raw shit and untreated Prozac piss deliberately...)
Barbie....she has watched her namesakes movie. Perfect nails perfect everything (including her social media she showed me - demanded i view)
oops better fill in a bit.
B glides out of batmobile.... glides up the pathway into town.... with kid aside i saw them holding hands...in fact wondered if lezzies it was sucha lovely tight real handhold....
none of my business.... 500 quid mAYBE 1500....special leather Molton STreet boots dont impress me... especially parked in the atchin tan where real walkers PARK...
"UGGHHH... EVEN HERE I HATE THIS WHOLE AREA EXCEPT ONE LITTLE ORDINARY PEEPS FEW MILES OF THE COAST I FOUND....BACK THERE WHEN I CAN.. accidental caps battery running out no time to decap.... maybe it fits as just sometimes such visons make me a bit needing to look way they hurt."
Off they trot...
And i am a few hirs later noticing the retracted batmobile door handle pondering "so if the electrics go down does that mean she can't even get inside ..?...interesting..."
Of no actual interest to me, unlike every other man in this horrid land i have NO interest ever ever in any machine.... so i dont know why i even wrote that or thought it...
Or when she came back for utter fun decided to ask....her.....
And just as i can never think of Margret from N Cal and Belgrade .... and then just a year later ... their war...
But especially back to fattie Marg... her song our song kindof though platonic ...
"My dear.... you have stood there.... half an hour.... and i even wove your 20 year old daughter into our talk as you saw and nearly glared at me those eyes so so fuckin nuclear pircing ... with lazer beam hate....' how dare he.!'... but you know even that worked....and she became involved .... one day maybe if you KEEP to what you say....if you MEAN it.... i shall say to her....
