Saturday 16 December 2023

actual errata that matters

 a message



toronto was it today?

" i have a responsibility"

i give up.

but big fat errata, and all that matters to me....

fait accompli means that over various  arenas over 14 years one puts some 'truths'

spring 2010 i knew exactly the poison

self regard

the internet or rather using the inyernet as brochure to present an economic front, ehich absolutely every middle aged English woman has done for about 15 years ..or rather the 50% who could be bothered 

i.e. look at me ... maybe even spend with me

rather than be behind the camera who they promised to be... when it mattered.

In my own case i have smattered this and that here and there ( summer 2010 only being bobbily bothered because of someone elses self regard .  )

maybe... i dont care

if i drop dead on this afternoon's walk ... some of quite an interesting ( real and extremely well evidenced) picture may be  collected together by some descendent and there are half a dozen Dickens novels in there .  

me, no pleasure for a second in that 

only minor pleasure two last week! ... two saneish goodish female minds confirming so clearly  an utter dystopia here


and skivers due " mental health" from the walking Pole

thats a smiley real bodily visceral pleasure.

Actual pleasure i had put off .. just trying to weave some fairy tale based on 'truth' as clear as day i for years have Be ..  that there is something 'more' .. call it sublime juju vudu or .. whatever

i had one of those lovely divine coincidences a few days ago...

its nice... 

they never ' help' or guide ... i dont think they are allowed to

we must take steps unaided... 


know we cannot know and thus the most 'divine'  of all divinities even if thats a pretty wonky word... is that impossible to predict  meeting of two, who may, years ago, have even made a third

no one helps with that quandry..ever

why it is do unique

and the only real meaning

but its so dangerous in uk to take any step...

Florentino's kind of step . . 

so be it ...

Anyway 'license'... for years in my thick head " its too interesting and valuable that long phase if life from 2010  ..  space ..awareness... of the magic... not that i know what its for but still its there... what can i say..i am too reserved to really say never mind write anything or maybe its too precious....

thats all on fact myself i wish to really be a bit .. well... see if o e day i may be able to write something half readable about. . 

the rest

of no real interest at all,and responsibility or not, utterly no pleasure

and if you survive yourself beyond about 53... really

it should 


about a fair bit of pleasure, too  

" i am no martyr" .. either. Now ive been one at times necessarily as thats a death worth dying

 if its for functional family love

no denying, 

 long enough....

And stopping really does mean, stop.

I couldnt give a fig..

( i do hope suzi tells 'hollistic' Hettie ... more people pleasing  bullshit even if the slits in her walking shoes real.. ... that little fun snippet ... me going to buy dried figs for our scheduled autumn 2021 walk...  cos she liked them... i unliking her the moment i heard " my kids got corvid cant come"  the science stating far more likely they will be hurt by the flu) 

all the rest is a big Monty Python.

that one.. in fact i "moralise" is it right to pass on tales of maybe-more?

Because i believe in my 'more' as it all came to me slowly .  no guru in the way ( to con, or distrust).. no man or woman mediated

pure and simple

me and the maybe ( 99%cert) 'forces'

But if they sort of came and sort of held my hand a bit...

well.. i was as stubborn as they come prior 2005ish  .... 

point: they can come to anyone...  if metoo

its up to them...

and maybe its wrong to even pass on our own stories....

so much more valuable if  it... that magic, comes just ... comes... to you me.. anyone.  i dont think we should describe it ...


but i sort of have so sort of quandary no more

which means i may be a real baddie cos i do think thats the deal... shut up and dont spout anything on anything you cannot hold its hand of in tjis world