and 'need'
Damn ( my only consternation,
all seeming exasperation...i have none!..
but theres a reason
i guess)
2101 i wrote a great little thing about what we need and want..
always illusion.... of our minds.. tricking us
it was defo from the goddesses, as i was always too thick/ stuck to let go and trust my own writing...
but its on a mass of stored notes..years of doodling and audioing and all sorts...just for me..
maybe i can never get back to....
and i want to get just that one out if nothing else...
but then...
Anyway 6 months ... the last ones, and those before in fact
or rather a few
sub-odysseys i kinda needed to just pop my nose into spring past..
But especially the last 6 months.. i knew the 'home' i was heading for... absolutely 100% wanted needed for all the best pondered reasons...over years.
But then
things like 'zen'
of true 'simple' things..
stories but also
living
purely in the moment
fact is it IS better to 'live' it in hostile territory... unsure
a bit lost
challenged...
at times, in tension
always at poopoocreek
and at times right on the cliff edge of maybe i wont live
( i even said to someone 3 months ago " the wise ageing african he has it right... there comes a day when one day he just wslks out into the bush... and kays down..and his end comes .. i maybe am at that point now... problem is no decent bush round here the stripped the place bare for yuppie woodburners decades ago..."
being on the edge...
i wasnt in fact full
simplest possible mode
small things
nothing
ultra zen maybe i was lying a bit...
( not intentionally)
maybe i needed the ultimate challenge to truly get into
Be ing
what
i said i was...
And also i do know works... thats no lie
if i can give 'it ' all up... anyone can. I was prouder ( of my survival, quite alone) and more 'orphan' than even her...
ergo, bingo
good for me... no one else gets it...
or did she? i will never know..
