Monday 4 December 2023

but 'want'

 and 'need'

Damn ( my only consternation, 

all seeming exasperation...i have none!.. 

but theres a reason 

i guess)

2101 i wrote a great little thing about what we need and want..

always illusion.... of our minds.. tricking us

it was defo from the goddesses, as i was always too thick/ stuck to let go and trust my own writing...

but its on a mass of stored notes..years of doodling and audioing and all sorts...just for me.. 

maybe i can never get back to.... 

and i want to get just that one out if nothing else...

but then...

Anyway 6  months ... the last ones, and those before in fact

or rather a few   

sub-odysseys  i kinda needed to just pop my nose into  spring past..

But especially the last 6 months.. i knew the 'home' i was heading for... absolutely 100% wanted needed for all the best  pondered reasons...over years.

But then

things like 'zen' 

of true 'simple' things..

stories but also


purely in the moment

fact is it IS better to 'live' it in hostile territory... unsure

a bit lost


at times,  in tension

always at poopoocreek

and at times right on the cliff edge of maybe i wont live 

( i even said to someone 3 months ago " the wise ageing african he has it right... there comes a day when one day he just wslks out into the bush...  and kays down..and his end comes .. i maybe am at that point now... problem is no decent bush round here the stripped the place bare for yuppie woodburners decades ago..."

being on the edge...

i wasnt in fact full 

simplest possible mode

small things


ultra zen maybe i was lying a bit...

( not intentionally)

maybe i needed  the ultimate challenge to truly get into

Be ing


i said i was...

And also i do know works... thats no lie

if i can give 'it ' all up... anyone can. I was prouder ( of my survival, quite alone)  and more 'orphan' than even her...

ergo, bingo

good for me... no one else gets it... 

or did she? i will never know..