Sunday 31 December 2023

The most " human" but also intellectually fabulous thing she [ initalix] said...

 ... wrote actually.

I forget the exact words, but I recall perfectly the whole universe of her behind them: "I no longer take part in instuttions, or believe in the structure of institution"

Wow at last a perfect poem. Shivers down the spine at 6.20am on the windy hill.

The ' price'- there is always one to pay: just ehhhhh.... Be ing in place...never mind try and have useful words aside 'institution' for several months..

 unable to  Be regularly at ( quiet) sockets .... i missed bloody recording three simply perfect Something Understoods ( to save in my archive of the great culture, for a maybe thoughtful daughter, or other one day) from 8, 7 and 6 weeks ago before the snide BBC wipe them off after 30 days

ok.... so yestermorn

so much to wedge in here of the year... many wonderful landlopinh envounters just since Boxing Day

yestermorn a perfect morn

 that place ... has the best wintermorns

if sunny

so.... good energy, time for surgery

This time i take no credit.

A whack... due a slip ( recorded after the Katrina monologue)...

Killed it

And every violent fix attempted: whacking, even placing it over hot air from the windscreen demist flow.... burn the fucker..

whack again

boot it .. not with the finger but with the boot

twist it, tango with it violently

Bastard refused to


( a few films stored on it  all devices chocker block)

And then

it just did

talk about what a great decision, a laundry journey fully paying for itself ( in what next)

hahh hshhh liar that was yesteraft  date time gone wonky

kairos ... i need feeding up bigtime now
a week of eat and snooze
all at 60% off
even if it shoukd be 90% off for the small bit of actual 'food' you get in each tray of food 

Right, the moon!

go back a few days.

Absurdly interesting days

But above all he really is a find

Nearly on my list.

(" i just go back day after day... [ only at it 10 years.. that the genius rule: 10 years at something you sometimes become one]... return to them..... many hundred of them.... fiddle touchup  adf some new poetical concept... all i just playing with.. as my mind still plays with life...i dont know what they are for but i try and get all my ideas in them..."

But yesterlunchtime we got there
" ... young man...YBSs eere dreadful every one if it should try and say SOMETHING and real...[ and 'useful'.. he does also believe, the purpose   but houseboat owners 
in this case of Flushing  seem  unable to go quite that far and impute true sublime - the Polish/ Lithuanian versions which do  also seek lofty or good intent...]"

" Peter... all i care about ... communitarianism, wider being usefulism ... in a universal way ...rather unfashionable..... god ive tried !! ..a decade ... failed but i care about   my list...  if my lass phoned  ' dad literature is for mad wankers like you...i gonna sell out and Be an..artist...'....i would say ' lass... dont waste your time and money on even Yazzminers London MF A.... bullshit universities and institutions..... nope ...come and just Be with this one man ... be his slave, paintbrush cleaner...pimp or muse it makes no dif....  he alone speaks the truth of art, he will show you, most  is utter  anodyne lifeless bullshit,  and all Pastyland art  is not art. [ 'no Peter i told you there is one... even if she hasnt updated her arty youtube channel many years ... and wont write properly like a grown up about light and ebergy she waves on day maybe she will settle down... write real long stuff with authority... as she us a true artist ' ...] his own failures ..  his wishes, his modest self doubt of his true expertise ..  and i have 3 hrs of dialogues him and i  recorded over last few months...   above all he needs a helper in  ' passing on'  his truly great spirit and fun...record him all of him for the next gen....i trust this man  ...and i trust very few..and have never found any artist so human.... not lost to headupherownbumitis.... .this man can also instruct, guide... on how one can be a great artist but retain a plolite and real soul too..and communicate fully snd superbly."