Friday 5 January 2024

'hate crime'

 "hate"  ( a non existant word crime)....


justice (she said "bodily")

sat in my jalopy a week of such EATING... eat eat eat

then walk walk walk

and the eating continues.

And now sleeping

 ten hours.

(and then crying way before damn today - whatever is the opposite of hate - being its in another dimension of not real emotion, and finding her again when lost is ... welcoming back to this dimension the bitch went and run off to..i have yet to find the words..)  

Because already this year so much has happened it is daft. From that first walk 26 December chatting with THE chuff woman... she who alone brought them back and tended to them so long

" ferckin National Trust.. dont ever believe THEIR weasel words..." (recorded interview)

To  1st January i GET those words at last

And even ..

A saudade

THERE is only ONE

(after the woman who uses - culturally appropriates if ever there was such a crime, "hiraeth" but cannot even pronounce it in any way vaguely similar...and she IS of English speaking original stock)

A saudade

Several in one

Most perfect moment with someone not on the radar where only one blips no matter what she may...think. Not that shecould.

" so what writing do you like then...? there is a reason for me asking... cmon if you had a 25 year old kid maybe you do i wouldn't know and were forced to force her to read one book.."

After the usual hatecrime fanaticism of " i dont think we should force anyone to read anything..

" .....uggh that old standard line...i assumed you knew better.....ok .. use your bleedin blood red imagination...the world is burning and you can only save one book for you and your notional 25 year old daughter...what?!...its a simple question..."

" ok... well ok yes......Steinbeck..."

And... as if Homer is there with his criminal paintbrush painting the perfect panorama dipped in menses blood of new start new dawn... some things are perfectly timeless

And back to how they always were 

and should




And i know why......

Because all day backing the fuck up.. the fuckin lot of it.....

 with her  wifi wafting between the borderline that separates her from me...

I noticed...

she even had her tea





Since 2010 my anus orribilatis...and before...i have only encountered and marriage proposed two geniuses..

 But the genius bit is the bit that matters...i am nothing

But an enjoyer of impossible


Both of course play at being strange but thats strange as genius is simple

Now i never abandon anything... and we have the smooth version 

But that exact emotion that simply prefect moment
even if the stupid rules of recording mean some jerk didnt follow them here

But quite simply there is in that the perfect saudade emotion ... Be ing...
Meaning now, listening to th'abuv..
 its saudade to go back to true perfection
Nothing more, just perfection.... that can never be found again if you are silly welsh...maudlin and dinosaur sexist piggery in roughs of beer and rugga..
or if you Portuguese... "it isnt finished yet" 

A day of...foreplay
I noticed she noticed me again
A few months gone by

We even got in " my husband he never reads anything ...except manuals..."
fuckin ell Omer  get the paintbrushes new dawnin frenetically matey
Pepraps we should go...with this
I mean starchy and sexy without showing sexy
winter woolly
under the most conformist skirt as if George Elliot never came along and said fuck off n die
and she so fantastically constrained in her movements..
Every smallest miniscule adjustment of her poised "dont talk to me, about anything
 controlled to show nothing.

A genius it seems... of ultimate modern hateful self control
Just like in days gone long yore
Bird and bloke at a bench 
of books
"so cmon what writing do you like..?."

Nature comes along and 
shows what she really
just a girl talkin to just a 
And quite likes it

Is one splendid saudade  of all saudades

But back to hate and geniuses 

I hate only once


And i had slightly forgotten the first liberant ( just flowed out word for a woman who releases - one all the way,  due her geniussiness)

I think it was 2010 or maybe 11...i have my records

In my first three year ultimately simple life off grid phase 

So limited power and online 

One day i stumbled across the greatest singer of all time

Who had written the greatest song of all time

But i didn't quite know  at first....

Because geniuses smash you in the face with their cheeky knowing they are right and it takes time

Anyway fast forward a few months

live on then monitored by the feds and enemies, so i just wrote all openly every day..mine oldblog big un...and Fakebook

" Gretchen look sweetcakes ... Indian the greatest ever song ... and as we know it is the way you deliver it ...  there you were releasing you pissed singin Precious Angel that simply was undergenious beauty of the  highest self parodying beautiful degree.... 

 " but on my 100th listen and watchin' you doin' Everythin' is Indian...  even if you from loonyland and you dont like the sun clearly....i will just be your slave for life you are god .. please will you marry me, so i can get the visa to be your slave for life and anyway i could not not love you for life being you are the only real genius i have ever even seen for decades..."


After a year of occasional GRACEFUL banter in public about...all that... never got anywhere anyway i was distracted

A few years later

(before i knewof  free youube downloaders i forget the very good one i use)

" Gretch.... I see youve been reorganising your 100s of genius song performances.... i dont see it..." 

" aww bless you...  ehhhh....ooohhhhhh...... i lost it...."

" awww...please tell me one thing ... you have it backed up....somewhere...!!!...if not... i think i may be about to actually hate a human for the first time ever in my life"

I know what hate is even if only provisional 

Now... (even if phewww lucky escape!  Gretch goin rather 'pity me we all gonna die of a bug and i cant go out ever in the fine Texan sunshine or i will die 'in 2020...)

If someone else had copies of her... and is ... (i dont understand youtube the amount of times ive scoured it for Gretchen  ...patches and ..Seichrist... 'Everything is Indian' THE IN HER KITCHEN VERSION... why did this not show before?????)
lurking there with all her other stuff...
I daret look
Even that ne made me cry ... 
pure joy
To find  that one great perfect artist - because... she truly did let go ALL the way into the sublime...
And it worked