Monday 12 June 2023

rhythm and flow

 off we go.

The mind.

Even if it is just about ... being a little aside.

And the 'poetical' needs just one more week.

here in G**** 

The mind - not even in notes

'space' all the Natural Store lot for years

demand. They 'demand' "because I use the word space" 

So as to imply 'inclusion'

My space is superior to yours

Space, in this case, meaning simply  barriers.

Absurd notion one is superior.

All i know is that despite far too many years of the 'space' lot

And all that really matters is their smiles are not

as 'belly laugh' - even enjoyable for them;

never mind lethal to anyone whom may believe

 they don't hide

god only knows what at night. 

(is that proper English?)

All i know is that if i make some small error - such as Saturday i put on my notepad "11 June" when in fact it was the tenth

And if i wake, in my little space, mind sharp as the nonalcohol gin, cleared away decades ago

from my mind, 

and remember, within a minute of being awake

" correct that little error"

 All is well.

But a far more fascinating thing I forgot.

In the slow, sequence;

Long ago - well three quarters of a decade back. Almost to the day.

Life changed;

more than anything the corporeal

A not nice word for body~mind~body~ALL

snuggled up a few years with another body.

But it had to cease. Nothing to do with me.

Especially as if i know anything i know that the proximity of that other body - even in a bit of a mess

(parents - the worst of all)

 simply caused my own body - mind~body

I need a new word for this: 

in fact we have it. 




The whole being, all indivisible,

so that it should not have such words.

Nothing ethereal or metaphysical.

Simply thought, emotion, knowing, morality

is indivisible from the human shaped sac

(ugghhh..laast week's Start the Week  - used to be my start the week for so many years


Monday morning 9am stick on the wireless

good stuff

and if i am here wireless stuck on

all is well

ugghhhh they effuse about the biome as if it is new discovery.

Balls  - known for decades, the human is a great big cooking pot of mainly inhuman

DNA and bits

ONLY a symbiosis.

And that symbiotic sac (i can spell!)

is also symbiosis of whatever 'energy' or quantum tricks is

thought, and .. the physical we discern.

Anyway thats a load of waffle, but true.

All i know about the (if the word 'mind' is used it is a laziness  - symbiosis of thought, cooking pot, and...loads 'o stuff we dont even know how it works never mind symbiosises..


It is black swanny and unknowable.


Sort of following on from audio yesterday.

Missed a bit

Maybe life - meaning THE MIX

lets call it 'themix' - mind/ loadsa bugs, symbiosis in bodily form


is ... well it certainly goes through 'phases' - at one phase of life its whole nett effect is a bit different to other phases.

Can be as simple as i well remember my first five years ish of my 20s...  even during the majority times when i wasnt a little enthral to the bottle - i still don't really know why.

Long periods good diet. 

Not terrible lifestyle.

Though for phases the one up latest at night if a party or club

But all reasonably heathily ticking over.

Five years  - probably from earlier, maybe 17 or 18

So often such bad indigestion i would need my rennies in my simple essential things bag.

I thought that was life.

All of it.

In fact i didn't 'think' about what i

did not know

to be an 'option'.

It was not of course as i did not know (a bit of a black swan)

And then.. mid 20s... take some big steps

confront the lost vain weird (of their times so 'forgiven') parents

And within not very long

I forgot... to need the Rennies

As ever since the stomach


Incredible thing this THEMIX - that was certainly only a matter of


All relationships in humans are pretty much only politics.

politics dealt with

AND TRUTHS TOLD...hidden ones..

(wonder if they held back hahh hahh... idiots)

and THEMIX resets -changes...

This was not a simple matter =- it took some months. And at one point for weeks really did 'hurt'...

Anyway i am not in the biz of ancient autobio

(unless you need it my child)

I am only interested in bang on here and now

And superest simple existence


because my my the nutters still abound

No one can ever be relied on

reason to simply curl up only with one

And anyone who thinks many can be relied on now

is a fool

'civilisation' did not move on


in that the socio economic unit for centuries is two.. 

Anyway ... only reason i turned this on today.

An omission

The 'mind' i shall use as word for the last time

All i know is this.

Thirteen years ago way waty at the bottom of the abyss

Definition: no one could chuck a ladder down even if they wished.

'grief' is three years

(maybe different in other THEMIX 'cultures' we could say - if a THEMIX has century long traditions for example wail like fuck for a month then go shag someone else if hubby pops his clogs..maybe that creates a different THEMIX? - the fools who state they can know humans - i have a huge really good genetics and biology library i built up 30 years ago - huge= 50 good books..Lewontin, Rose.. snazzy Dawkins.. NOPE! is impossible, unethical, simply not allowed even if your name is Eugene Nicks [private in joke me and the big man]... to do random double bbling experiments on babies - and even newborn THEMIX's already have cultural input depending on whether or not mumdad THEMIX's were ranting like mad, listening to really bad Britneypop or maybe some good music...  

and the (60s 70s 80s) 'twin studies' were entirely corrupted  - even if unconsciously, by the venality or conceit of the researchers.

THEMIX - mine.

Seven years ago beginning a long phase of rhythmic pondering from 5.30 ... alone, winter the embers of the fire. Summer... up we get write a while and then walk ..

I 'discovered' one thing.

processed ... nope.. processing happens when we are in good spirits after a long walk perhaps.


Totally against the (false) knowers of the 'mind' - duff word..

The days - some - not all, i would awake maybe 5.30 and had an imediate - almost as soon as eyes open,

small but noticeable partial fall into the abyss

far too melodramatic word for just feeling of 'depression' ( a VERY duff word - essay on that 20 years ago one day to stick here)

A real corporeal minor gripping of THEMIX - felt in the blood vessels.

maybe half the days for the last wonderful so so so always CONSTANT seven years

I awake with that  - well it is not a descent, it is awaking into a fog almost of vaporised glass shards all around... 

life feels like it should and will hurt.

Most noticeable.


(though no anguish as i have rode through many (exterior causation - i.e. other ferkers) long tough phases..

Those days

The 3 minutes - two in fact

never more than two

The days of immediate painful fog around  - 'mind' - duff word


within 5 minutes i always flip into feeling 100% full mojo happy... stays all day

the days (today one) no  foggy pain...

only get to 95% full mojo happy

And i know that as a crystal clear fact. I think it is a fundamental right and responsibility to understand our own experience, existence...and have put aside many many hours..days ..months do just that

Which of course is the exact opposite of what all your witch doctors and even newer age touchy-feely supposed experts of THEMIX will ever tell you...

(note to self - thats good, THEMIX - just came while speed typing... remember to bloody well use uit! unless some other nicer way of putting the great big lump of shit that makes up all of our extant being..or maybe hologram.. all i KNOW is 'AI' cannot ever be as creative as this...AI cannot have hell, 13 years ago...and like some baddest divine joke ever../ discover creative thought...going into the 'zone' to be.. possible...when it never was before...)