Saturday 24 June 2023


 to authenticity

But that of course sounds pretentious 

In this day and age.

So i better start with a blank page.

All i know - not that anyone can actually 'receive'.

Is it some aggression?

A chair made for two;

Far more intrusion

A book, Bel Canto, 

remedy to being blue.




it is working for five minutes, i sit and riff for no particular reason

well that is not true, but

Anyway it stops.


And i go over to wireless logitech 


I was going to write using wireless logiteh #2, something

And hen wireless logitech # 2..



At about the same 5 minutes stage.

(laptop keyboard several broken keys now...)

SO Thats it!

It is the laptop.

A laptop decides if an  external wireless keyboard is plugged in - batteries good, i look after machines (early spring on dashboard  the first propper sun, to zap out willonly alow 5 mins of use before...stopping

Now exactly a parable in there

Hahh hahh (one has to write as any broswer assumes angst - never me, even this morning, at point zero, nothing...never been better mood.


Because 'auhenticity - there is only one key to life and my lovely 27 year old Kallan  - under my wing for 8 years....

He is your next pm  - if you have a brain

By here you go the long mentored christian bigot ( - by me... if you love or at least can just about tolerate humanity and anyway know that living in this dimension/ a responsibility, so live it WELL!!!  - i think he message of Bel canto...CHALLENGE IT - or anyone you 'love' to be the best version  - which means he inauthentic aspects we all have...leave them behind! use the core authentic stuff as new start.... so yes r, big one of 5 Chretiens  - my preferred word, the Frog, sound smore acurate...i dallied with a lot), a few years ago i said to him " Kallan is simply so beautifully humble, went to shit hereford school, single mum....somehow managed to get to read philosophy at a quite good uni -Kallan should not exist, i have tested him in every way... his poise and grace and always so gorgeous wise answering of quiestions...and his deep deep NEED for equals...unfulfilled... you say you care about the next generation and politics...take him for a cup of tea.... he wont have to go far if you find his roadside establishment..PLEASE ..if you do ONE thing...he needs his elders now to just nudge him...hold his hand when he jumps off the clif... he must....because society needs him... and many times he has told me he knows he will soon....because he has the true spirit of the educated democrat who undersands all our can and vanities...GENTLY.."

SO i was going to just mark my end of Odyssey...yestermorn; as it is.... i do things symbolically. Long time that book needed a home.

I need no home as there is simply no authenticity anywehere in these lands..

I know there is a bit left in EU societies...

Bu i also know quite rightly they do decry us

(NICE word for 'hate' - which doesnt exist anyway, only inner anguish exists...i am lucky i have none for years..)

All i know.... 

is 'mindfulness' 'living in their ABSURD "now"'   and genuine soulfulness is knowing last November there simply is no way ever i may be as today aside a military shithole... so unhealthy and full of lost lined drunks... of junks...

(it has been officially confirmed my my new truh teller acquaintance...magnificent woman ... )

wandering he streets looking for aristic photos to take at 5am..

i have no idea why.

And be entirely happy centred and at peace...

i would have said 

"you need medical help...

that is not me.. 

and could never be"

Bu when it is

thats your Black Swan coming along and .... biting you in he bum.

But what a magnificent 20 year odyssey

Sometimes for years at a time not going further than a 10 mile radius...

and only ever landoping maximum 1/3 of the time...

But i know i have been everywhere i ever needed to go...

The REALLY deep places that matter

And may bite, spit... sadly never act sanely

or hens-teeth, rarely

SO time, one day, just to write up he 


First day rest of

Actual rest of life.

Not the slightest idea

Just when i want to stope for at least some months

park my jalopy under a tree.. and

not care

And even have some fun

But Zorba was always the problem too...

because you know he will have to come up with some new satisfy he endless appetite hidden behind fake smile...

When in fact for long periods, it is far better to trust - have actual faith in the real 'alchemy'...

that just maybe something will stew in the pot and  one day one may come up with  more useful words, simply about the same old cant and vanities ongoing likely way before heir sky fairie books..

i cannot use this laptop any more hahh hahhh...

no t unless i whack it


i get truly fixing

but no one believes REAL fixing can ever work...even when they sell it to pay their own rent

i know it can

And i can also finish off this phase as stated with a few nice simple paragraphs..already in my notebooks....



Cos it worked on me...