...anything.
Having a tremendously mellow time. For weeks. Only mellow even if one has to rev up for wasted filmmaker waffle.
And you know when you are the end of a long wind down from doing anything, or caring if anyone actually did ever meant anything....
I today told a total stranger of last weekend.
And something else...
Anyone else would be rumpussy... even sad. Not me...i dont share ALL and go round the corner from the supermarket and sob.... ever...in fact jve forgotten what I... i ..that is...share, within minutes...
Thats the only hard thing there is, actually getting any one...any one.. any one ....to ever believe you when you say that in fact you wouldn't have one second of life, ever... any different.
The nett result, for years, i like...always
Funny thing is that the obvious ideal end point of any ideal zen zenny zenning ( as long as, as she said, we do little harm to any other- or no harm we may have been only resopnsible for, and could not prevent.).... having lived in that state or mode in fact 5 years...as i have...no one can believe you...
no one 'can'.....
they can not
thats so interesting a reflection on rather a lot of people... who say they are able to listen.
Especially ..as my body language is perfect: non angsty ... never even frazzed, a bit
Not that i EVER needed to share my sorrows... i share all and always share "i got through, evolved...found real silver lining in all, always, and even interesting real lived wisdoms"
in fact maybe the modern human condition. They cannot hear this... because it is not eho they are..or ever hear one can, Be...
that is however what 'loneliness' is.... that no one can believe who you actually are...
and nuttiness, as it is exactly the ideal in every single one of their mindfulness and other such nonsense workshops....
i don't care... i dont need to care....
Actually i shouldn't write this but it hit me: what new onionskins of wosdom there are to unnpeel: maybe the best ally and friendhip could in fact be with someone one knows cannot be human... must be zombie a lot of the time. ....
the supposedly aware and wise and engaged and able to 'lean in' seem impossible to ever get to settle fown nbd just ...Be...
never mind be simplly genuine....at Being one person
i would rather know a shell of a person if she's honest about why a shell...and needs to be a shell... ss thats the price of love. lost Thats maybe the onky oerson one can ever have peace with, those unable to be complete, for the RIGHT reasons....
.
