Friday 1 March 2024

mental.. matters, on fact all ' words'

 Even mine - and i havent for years muttered many that i have not pondered


In fact the only new words - good new ones, came from the very cold months of Novemer 2022 to February 23...mestuck..... two kindof duelling, so fabulously... 

That creates new..  

even a bit wonkydigital, if two mean it....we did...... there can be a Heidelberg Uncertainty principle of 1+1 =  3   trying hard to Be  something even if what it i an unquantifiable force no matter how Sabine superphysicist you are

this morn

Now, that...the above, will appear nothing. Totally inconsequential.

( i sat by her  - the 'liked', yesteraft and tidied my 
poem/ free organic sage  book...   and yes, " where was i? ...oh yes.. i can beat that....i am ready now.."

But of all their awful,  compulsory, Maggie-Merm words,  " blisz" i would laugh at but i still have the Dorothy cd...  from nr 20 years ago... she did have an angelic voice, even if used to blisswank....  and  my aside... purely Orwellian exploration for material.... and understanding...Dec ' 22   discovered she didnt actually have any  ...

All that matters is my own psyche THEMIX.. mind body
and arrogant conceited predictions on the nature of what is   

2006 after the most bookworthy father's funeral in history ( well .. memorial technically the actual f word i had better things to do, like growler LJ Wall and me..) ... her of the hotpantsonfire:.. "i am not married any more.."

One time returning from a hotpants session and getting such a bad bug from that revolting London hot air

i realised... bliss/ joy is that day, maybe 10 days  after the first day it bites yer bum bigtime
 and you feel like death, 
when you feel fully back to prebug time

I distinctly remember a full on wave of that after that very buggering bug was

and that is true joy

100% visceral
lived experience
( though i still suck up to her by using her better word "bodily")

 Thing is though... over the years. .

Be ing.. an actual reluctant sheppherd, to hoards of

new term Narco Polos
hahh hahh thats good
so sadly narcissisticly lost all they can do is circle the hole in their own  holey head  with white noise what a ferkin better than Voltaire metawhore...!!- the hole being lack of having to warrior, AND read at least 5 decent real novels a year... in ither words their centre, is sadly..nothing

Anyway,  how many waking hours in a year
x 3/4
=88,000 hours

about how many hours since 2006 my head, mind, body soul... universe, has been only on my daughter.. keeping going super existance til 2010, and then finding ways of fixing, fake marriages even to get her back home

the rest, of  say 25000. ( prior scismtime nov 2022) 5000 off duty
20000 on green/ eu/ and other herding ...

obviously some convurrence- two " birds" one boulder

all failed

whist Be ing genius at never being totally lost to any lost 'cause'
nevertheless, as of 6 or 7 years ago that true JOY ( is a fact, if bodily): 

a bug recedes, normal bodily health returns, " fuckin joy joy joy!" 

mpment i wouldnt feel 
or Be

so starkly
a singularity

probably because still ' caring' Be i g in ' cause' mode.. 
the psyche just  pulled aside...  available capacity ( we pretend we know) .. actually still, subconsciously giving a fuck about the above

her horrorscope was a bit right

but at least i tell only the truth

so perfectly proven by that uktra joy..
a desk cleared, a head knowing there is no point caring... 

that 2006 - maybe 2010ish true only THEMIX
joy at the first bug free body back to 100% mojo

is like never Be 

 o lies, no pretence no saying words that...should on theorey Be true

actual bodily Be ing..

100% free
100% undistracted
almost 100% honourary Maggie-Merm

i couldnt actually give a fuck any more

Mesnwhile back to, i am now writing her bible

simple is just  not needing to even cook  your peppers... what a waste of energy and time
( esoesh as yesteraft yhe ultimate  nimble clever beating the 'system')

better for you raw anyway


i know what to write

Because there is the ' authenticity' moment her sexy  musk at the PO...

But there is domething even better..

to La Grande Belazza...

nope... the liked one would still take too much.. time..  a fair bit methinks...

when time is not so forever, avoid even  the time takers...

keep to what you already know