Friday 31 May 2024

So, sleep...

 The sleep of the 'innocent'.

Even that is a twistable concept.

By the...  ' * ' 

I have no idea any more who the ' * ' are.

An " ally"  who at least spoke the truth "We watched yooze on Serbic telly and knew you gone nuts  and then i saw yoooze kids   and  knew they had inherited it..."

All kids are born innocent, and  healthy ish ... 

But sat last summer by the Gwerkian park listening...  i listen, and miss little

My last effort was near a year ago,  at Shitbucketcreek...

Then,  i wouldn't say so, but it is all one should say,  about a dull life. What do the children believe? Or have in their imaginations, humanity being far far more about ehat gets shoved into imagination by  whoever is around...

we are of the meme! And more... ( social mores, i dont even hear suposed grown ups using that simple term ... all the other newterms and three 'a's....  ... )

To hear a group of younguns, maybe 5-10,   year olds  gambolling around, ... she,  the  whicker basket... case, in her Mermware... Him, he always looks the same:  some ideal private schoolboy, with Brideshead calves, tailored shorts down to the knee,  and curls, doing ' dad' so as to streamline his tax affairs,  and of course all kids are just innocent sponges, but to listen to their joyous childplay and

 energised .. roleplay...

Our cowboys and Indians ... had become

" got you.... i got him, he was the drug dealer!"   ... " watch out the security guard is over there.. lets get him" 

 But, the ' yob' .. Effete and aside, thirty years ago,  pondering a future as part Henry Thoreau... 

A far too effete man of letters, trying so hard to come up with something revolutionary, 

but it fell  a bit flat on me.

As, it always seems to be the lowest common denominator which is the sticky swamp any utilitarian, universalist ...  should not ignore. As you get stuck in them.

If many children are so subject to roleplay  - the Gwerklets, shit tv? or i suspect computer game frenzy, from the age of shit tv, it all starting with Eastenders and the like, that is who they are in part.

I know I am a bit Swallows and Amazons ( minus any boat, ever, sadly, or maybe sanely so), and  a bit of Ring of Bright Water, with a post puberty  update into Lorna Doone...

The culture that seeps in in our childhood, does stay within.

( and no one cared that Gavin Maxwell was maybe a bit gay..... we cared for him, and his loss and hurt, felt his pain,  and  lived aside him, experiencing  eventual resilience  through grief, after  the loss of his beloved  Mijbil he had brought to real life for us, so beautifully.... ) 

But one thing i know,  is that  the  'higher',  grown up, ' culture'  encountered  in the 80s into 90s ...worked.

Killing Fields was not about  fields of skeletons, and genocide, it was about how a man

i still remember his name

Dith Pran

set an example to all people.

Stand up and be the little brown man, change

Despite it being likely, suicide

 The ' moral authority' in that superb  best of culture, rather than effete wanker Withnail

Made me then feel a spastic, 


effete wanker.

Caused ' depression'

Hurt... left me eviscerated, hollow, almost nihilistic.

There is no way i could be brave and lie it all on the line

Like the little Pran man

But all i know is a few decades on, i kindof knew from inside, what the Pran man must have felt.

But i persisted, because i had inside,  alcie Bruce's little Prsn man...

A real ' story',  no nonsense Mermyth-  real life, a really best of " human" had persisted.

But that is extreme 

even if i reckon it will, must become rather more extreme, all that Eadtender angst in a whole generation....

But guess what.

Whist slightly confused  former Soviets drift Londonistan way...

Into the void of Rupert and Camilla's  

so bright 

and sybarite and lost land 

( never mine,

 London i saw through,

 on about year two)

Those ' moral' tales,

Even in Flashdance and Dirty Dancin'


To Kill a Mocking Bird... ( as i am pacifist  and in fact giveup-on-lost-loonist, i  wouldnt even  reclaim a symbolic Miss Placed chair... "nowt as queer as folk" a kindof good yokel culture,  i had wedged into me as oldman Ralph  day after day 'wedged' the toughest to split knotty wood  and we muttered in the mizzle, about the folk around, not being like us, or having our always good cheer... )

Perhaps the 'culture' of  those decades was best there has ever been,  

perhaps it was  almost always find some principle worth taking a stand around, and if you can take that risk...


Me i am simple, one or two principles really are just simply good and worth having tried to ..?? 

Q marks as the ferkin message has got so complex, so many babel messages

( so many ... ' look at me', mycauses)

And nobody reads or replies to  those which one has pondered years... 

I have looked, and have no idea if there are more modern useful stories in the culture, as to moral compass,  and authority... without opressing newness and modern.

Surely if there is one ( yes) 'moral authority' ,  so so many times the last 7 or 8 years encountered... 

Almost all middle aged peeps i meet speak of not good sleep...

if i - deserted in themepark  Pornland .... no one ever even lifted a finger to ' village raise child' mine... even the lost bimbo who said she would ( 2022)..  can 

Shitcreek far more shittier a fundamentalist  Merm  infested hell hole than i had even imagined..  

( she had no hope escaping)

can sleep a soundest sleep... 

well.... i know who has a good life, somehow.. .